This one isn't in the books
 

So, there is plenty of discussion about how and when you should tell
various people in your life about pregnancy, but they never cover dance
partners.

I took up ballroom dancing about 18 months ago when things were starting
to look up a bit after the last birth. At first I really struggled to
take long steps, but gradually I improved and after having hip surgery,
I had so much more freedom of movement I started to get really into it
and wanted to compete. Finally in June I convinced a guy I'd met a few
months earlier to try out partnering me and it turned out we really
clicked, physically we are a good fit and we mostly enjoy spending time
together and have the same times we want to practice.

There are so many things that can screw up a dance partnership that when
we went into it we didn't have any committments, we didn't quiz each
other on exactly what we were wanting to do, but when it was obvious it
was working we've been planning more in advance and at some point I do
remember discussing that I was done with kids!

We had a comp this weekend, it mostly went quite well, but we really
messed up one of our dances, our coaches were there and they were really
encouraging even though we were really disappointed. I ended up crying
with my husband later because I was so frustrated that actually I don't
have that many more weeks I can work on this, then feeling guilty that I
felt like that.

But there is one more barrier, I actually have to tell my partner and
I've no idea how he'll react, I've been very careful to not commit to or
be at all positive about anything after Christmas. We're competing
locally in 3 weeks, so I'll be about 10 weeks and then in Las Vegas in
mid December, when I'll be 14 weeks. I've been looking forward to this
trip to Las Vegas for ages and we've planned it as a family holiday.

I really want to give him the opportunity to find another partner, but I
also still want to dance as long as I can. Even for guys, partners are
not that easy to find, we're at the bottom end of the competitive scene,
but most dancers aren't even at that level. I was planning to tell him
on Sunday, then didn't because he was so keen to get practicing for the
next event!

I suspect that by Las Vegas I'll be showing in costume and maybe even by
the local comp, my boobs are enormous all of a sudden, but no one seems
to have noticed! But it doesn't seem fair to let him just realise, or
worse for someone else to realise and say something - that almost
happened before I even knew as I was complaining my feet were swollen
and it must be because we'd just turned the heating on and the teacher
joked that there could be another reason, which was what made me do the
test!

So I'm completely stuck, I have no idea how to handle this. I don't feel
I have some kind of right to keep quiet until 12 weeks if it screws
other people around, but equally I want to keep living in a dream world
where when I'm dancing, I'm not pregnant!

Cheers
Anne

This one isn't in the books
 

Anne Rogers wrote:

So I'm completely stuck, I have no idea how to handle this. I don't feel
I have some kind of right to keep quiet until 12 weeks if it screws
other people around, but equally I want to keep living in a dream world
where when I'm dancing, I'm not pregnant!

I think you do have to tell him, and pronto. I think you
do owe him time to find another partner, if he wishes. Explain
that you believe you will be able to keep the commitments you've
made already, and will understand that he needs to take some
time to work on finding a new partner. Then ask him if there's
anything you can do to help with the transition. I would imagine
that there are decent odds you'll get to keep dancing at least
through the events you've planned, as it will probably take him
that long to find another partner.
While I'm sure it's probably not the news he wants to
hear, these things happen and it's not really anyone's business
to blow a gasket over it. If you strike a balance between
being regretful at the inconvenience to him and being surprised
but thrilled at the pregnancy, most polite people will at least
pretend to take it well ;-) And it probably won't hurt if you
throw in a comment or three about how he's such a good partner
that you're sure he'll find a partner eager to dance with him
in relatively short order.

Best wishes,
Ericka

This one isn't in the books
 

Anne Rogers wrote:

So I'm completely stuck, I have no idea how to handle this. I don't feel
I have some kind of right to keep quiet until 12 weeks if it screws
other people around, but equally I want to keep living in a dream world
where when I'm dancing, I'm not pregnant!

I agree with Ericka. You need to tell him really soon, like, the next
time you see him.
I'd personally tell him, and only him and make it clear that he's a) the
first person outside your family (I don't think the internet counts btw)
you're telling and that you'd like to not officially tell everyone about
your pregnancy at this point, but that you know you won't be able to
dance at some point and you'd like him to be prepared for that time.
Offer to help him as much as you can with finding a new partner and that
you'll definitely still very eager to compete until December.

I don't think anyone gets really mad at a pregnant woman, I mean, it's
not like you were trying to get pregnant.

cu
nicole