One of those days
 

Feeling like it's one of those days. We've been TTC #2 since July, and
nothing's happened. I don't know why it's getting me down more today than
most other days, but I'm getting frustrated. I've been charting so increase
my chances (something I didn't want to do), but now I'm finding it hard to
keep DH committed to the cause, and get him to do the necessary at the right
time. Jessica's just about to be 21 months. If I fell pg right now, she'd be
30 months when #2 is born, a far bigger gap than I ever wanted (18 months
was my plan). I'm now wondering if I want a gap bigger than 3 years, and I'm
not sure I do, which leads me to think, if I don't conceive in the next 6
months, do I give up? Hard day.

One of those days
 

lu-lu schrieb:
Feeling like it's one of those days. We've been TTC #2 since July, and
nothing's happened. I don't know why it's getting me down more today than
most other days, but I'm getting frustrated. I've been charting so increase
my chances (something I didn't want to do), but now I'm finding it hard to
keep DH committed to the cause, and get him to do the necessary at the right
time. Jessica's just about to be 21 months. If I fell pg right now, she'd be
30 months when #2 is born, a far bigger gap than I ever wanted (18 months
was my plan). I'm now wondering if I want a gap bigger than 3 years, and I'm
not sure I do, which leads me to think, if I don't conceive in the next 6
months, do I give up? Hard day.

*hugs*

I can just say one thing, my brother and I are 2 years apart and we were
horrible with each other growing up. We fought constantly, I hated him,
he hated me...
I vowed my children would not be that close in age! And Sam is 7 years
older than Sara and it's cool. Sam loves his sister and she loves him.
He can watch her and entertain her for a few minutes while I have
something to do, like get the laundry from the basement or cook or even
when I have to use the bathroom and she's cranky.
So, maybe it'll all work out in the end and you'll find that the gap
you're getting is a good thing ;-)

cu
nicole

One of those days
 

"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
Feeling like it's one of those days. We've been TTC #2 since July, and
nothing's happened. I don't know why it's getting me down more today than
most other days, but I'm getting frustrated. I've been charting so
increase
my chances (something I didn't want to do), but now I'm finding it hard to
keep DH committed to the cause, and get him to do the necessary at the
right
time. Jessica's just about to be 21 months. If I fell pg right now, she'd
be
30 months when #2 is born, a far bigger gap than I ever wanted (18 months
was my plan). I'm now wondering if I want a gap bigger than 3 years, and
I'm
not sure I do, which leads me to think, if I don't conceive in the next 6
months, do I give up? Hard day.


Hugs Lucy. It is hard when it doesn't happen when we'd like it to. I guess
you have to stand back and look at the big picture -- would you rather have
an only child, or have two kids with a larger distance apart than you
originally planned? While I understand wanting your kids a certain age
apart, that sort of implies that we have control over conception, which we
really don't. And yet most "normal" people talk about starting to TTC
because they "want a Summer/Spring/Fall/Winter" baby, or because they are a
teacher, and they need to deliver at the beginning of Summer Vacation, or
because they want their kids 2 years apart, etc. And for so many people, it
actually does happen around when they want it to.

But wider gaps work out just as well, for different reasons. A wider gap
between kids may actually give you more time alone with your newborn, as
Jessica would be in preschool for a few hours each day, or worst case
scenario, kindy. I know the thought of a 5 year gap sounds terrible right
now, because you really want to be pregnant NOW, but in the end, the gap
between your kids is less important than having another child, isn't it? I
mean, if you want two kids, in 25+ years from now, will you really be sad
that you have a 23 year old and a 19 year old, rather than a 23 year old and
a 21 year old? Probably not. But you may wish that you had gone ahead and
kept trying, rather than quit all together.

I wanted to have my kids in my early 30's. That's when I started ttc. 5
years went by, and we still didn't have our take home baby. Finally we
moved to adoption and I brought Taylor home when I was 37, and Addie when I
was 39. Not exactly what I "planned," but in the end, it's how it was meant
to happen.

You know that saying -- "Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans." All
you can do is stack the deck with well timed sex, and if need be, move on to
medical assistance. But in the end, we cannot control conception.

That being said, I know that it gets frustrating when you have to start
charting, and dh looses the motivation, and it ceases to be "fun" to
practice, etc. What I did at that point was get creative in ways to
initiate sex with dh. I'd buy a cute new piece of lingerie and put it on
and suprise him with it. Or I'd set up a table next to the bed with a
bottle of red wine, some crackers, cheese, fruit and chocolate, and tell him
we were stranded on the bed and could not leave. Dim the lights, put on
music, light a few candles, and just hang out together. Or I'd just walk
downstairs nekked and he'd get the hint. Don't mention ttc, or ovulation,
etc. Just seduce him a couple times that week (and then a few other times
during the month, so he doesn't feel like he's being used!)

Hugs my friend.

--

Jamie Clark

One of those days
 

On Mar 20, 1:32 am, "lu-lu" wrote:
Feeling like it's one of those days. We've been TTC #2 since July, and
nothing's happened. I don't know why it's getting me down more today than
most other days, but I'm getting frustrated. I've been charting so increase
my chances (something I didn't want to do), but now I'm finding it hard to
keep DH committed to the cause, and get him to do the necessary at the right
time. Jessica's just about to be 21 months. If I fell pg right now, she'd be
30 months when #2 is born, a far bigger gap than I ever wanted (18 months
was my plan). I'm now wondering if I want a gap bigger than 3 years, and I'm
not sure I do, which leads me to think, if I don't conceive in the next 6
months, do I give up? Hard day.


Why would you give up? Do you want the age gap more or the child more?

Having had AF arrive two days ago, I'm now guaranteed a gap of at
least 7.25 years between kiddos at this point. I was looking more at
the 2.5-3 year gap range originally.

But you know what? I've found that while it is painful and depressing
at times, really--it has been for the best. My son has Sensory
difficulties and had in depth speech therapy and occupational therapy
and lots of appointments here, there, and everywhere while being
fairly intense emotionally at 2-4 years old. I honestly don't know how
I would have handled it at that time (I'm sure I could have made it
work, but it would have been very difficult).

There are benefits to a larger gap, and as I've met more moms who have
that larger gap (many not planned to be that way), I've come to be
excited about those positive things.

I still get down every time AF arrives (although we've really only
been trying officially for a couple of months--we weren't really
preventing a whole lot previously), but I just keep clinging to the,
"it will happen at the right time." And you know what--if it doesn't
happen before the end of this year, we'll start looking toward
adoption--we always planned to do that anyway at around 8 year of age
for Alexander, so we'll stick with that plan unless we have a newborn
on the way or here.

((hugs))

Sharalyn
mom to Alexander James

One of those days
 

On Mar 20, 8:21 am, "Jamie Clark" wrote:

That being said, I know that it gets frustrating when you have to start
charting, and dh looses the motivation, and it ceases to be "fun" to
practice, etc. What I did at that point was get creative in ways to
initiate sex with dh. I'd buy a cute new piece of lingerie and put it on
and suprise him with it. Or I'd set up a table next to the bed with a
bottle of red wine, some crackers, cheese, fruit and chocolate, and tell him
we were stranded on the bed and could not leave. Dim the lights, put on
music, light a few candles, and just hang out together. Or I'd just walk
downstairs nekked and he'd get the hint. Don't mention ttc, or ovulation,
etc. Just seduce him a couple times that week (and then a few other times
during the month, so he doesn't feel like he's being used!)

Jamie Clark

You don't need to go through all that trouble to have sex with your
husband. If we find you sexually attractive, the walking downstairs
naked works well. If not, just a slight stroke and a direct request,
like "I want this in my mouth" will do the trick. And if you're fugly,
then pop in a porno or invite a good looking girlfriend to
participate.

Leave the lights, cheese and crackers, foreplay and any other time
consuming tactics alone. You approach us in that manner, then it's
like we have to do a job and won't be too motivated to do it.

Regards...

One of those days
 

I have two girls that are 19 months apart and if I knew then what I know
now, I wouldn't have done it (not that I had anything to do with it, #3 was
a surprise). They hate each other, they fight constantly, and I can't get
through one phase without having to immediately go through it again with #3.
With #1 and #2 there is a 3-year gap and that is so much better. I felt like
I had time with a newborn while the oldest went to preschool. #1 was older
and understood more. I didn't feel like I missed part of her growin up
because I was pregnant and tired and then had a newborn. So honestly, I
really don't know why people want their kids so close together. It CAN be
horrible.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
Feeling like it's one of those days. We've been TTC #2 since July, and
nothing's happened. I don't know why it's getting me down more today than
most other days, but I'm getting frustrated. I've been charting so
increase
my chances (something I didn't want to do), but now I'm finding it hard to
keep DH committed to the cause, and get him to do the necessary at the
right
time. Jessica's just about to be 21 months. If I fell pg right now, she'd
be
30 months when #2 is born, a far bigger gap than I ever wanted (18 months
was my plan). I'm now wondering if I want a gap bigger than 3 years, and
I'm
not sure I do, which leads me to think, if I don't conceive in the next 6
months, do I give up? Hard day.