Oh! Hell its Christmas :(
Oh God its *that* time of year again...I don't know
how others feel about it, I guess it was working in retail for so long, it sort of began in September,(we would order in Spring, and designing for print begins the year or two before that) I suppose its the feeling of loss, I mean I can take the loss of old friends, they move to new places, and family move as new work comes along and new opportunities arose. Its like theres no core communities anymore, everybodys in a faction or a cult even. I'm not sociable. Its hard for me to get involved. I was better dummed up at 15. I shoulda been pregnant at 16, but Lordy the rough to get women to work in the so called 'real' world. Privately, my Bro has drifted off, theres only me and the kids as blood, theres no-one else left these days. I fawn for Mark and Gary, because if I didn't the kids wouldn't have a daddy and know their male parents. Why DO I ever bother! theres less in return for me, but at the heart of it I'll know the kids will be known by their own moms and dads and relatives. Marriage may have been hell but it was worth it for two delightful infants of joy and I can not let these young people grow up without knowing who and where they came from. I'm less inclined to tell taaallll stories about their fathers and risk the feelings of guilt and insignificance they may grow up with, the self doubt they may feel when they express an opinion which is true for them. Me? I'm getting my act together, slowly but surely, going through my own moms diaries stretching back 30 years and knowing full well she edited a heeelll of a lot cos she wanted to give the 'right sort of impression' Christmas Wishes, Love, miri |
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