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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we got married in 2003). Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual type issues. I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real way to balance the issue. Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience with a similar situation, is appreciated. |
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
wrote: I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we got married in 2003). Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual type issues. I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real way to balance the issue. Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience with a similar situation, is appreciated. I think the best thing you can do for them is to breastfeed your new baby and let them see it! Let them know it's the most natural thing in the world, that it's what breasts are *for*. |
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Okay, first things first, and repeat it as many times as you, your husband, or your boys require until they get it: BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL. Actually, I wouldn't start saying to them that BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL unless there seems to be some specific reason to make it an issue. While I have very limited experience with teenage boys, I strongly suspect that they'll be far more uncomfortable with their stepmother making a big speech about how BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL than they would with you breastfeeding. What I would do is this: Make sure the fact that you're going to be breastfeeding gets mentioned at some point before the birth, but, if you possibly can, do this in a way that works naturally into the conversation. "Got to go out and buy some more baby supplies this weekend - what do we still need? Let's see - at least we don't have to worry about getting more than one or two bottles, since I'll be breastfeeding." "The antenatal class was cool. I got some good advice about breastfeeding, and it looks as though that's going to go OK." Get the picture? Probably better if they're aware - but definitely better _not_ to make a big thing out of it. Then, after the birth, just go ahead and breastfeed. If they look awkward about it, try to ignore that and continue to act as if it was natural. (It can be an awkward moment for _anyone_ at first. My family were all completely pro-breastfeeding and would probably have been astonished and shocked if I hadn't breastfed, but when it came to the actual reality of sitting there and talking to me while I breastfed, my mother and sister were incredibly awkward the first time it happened. I still remember how acutely uncomfortable it was to sit there with the two of them staring at me as though I was a zoo exhibit while making stilted must-try-to-act-natural conversation. A few days down the line, they were used to it and nobody cared any more. The same may very well be true for your boys - don't read too much into it or get too worried if they need a little time to get used to it. Acting natural and not saying anything is probably a much better way to get it to seem natural than making a big deal out of it.) If it really seems to be a problem that isn't going away, you may have to discuss it. And this may even be something you can do as a joke, depending on how they raise their objections - if one of them complains loudly that it's ICKY, then just grin at him and make some teasing comment. If you really do feel that one of them is having a lot of difficulty with it, have a gentle chat with him at a private moment. But don't assume that this is going to be necessary - just act as though breastfeeding is the natural and obvious thing to do, and see whether they'll accept that. All the best, Sarah -- http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com "That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell |
Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
You might ask him what exactly, is inconvenient about breastfeeding, in his mind? After all, it's not as if he's going to have to do it ;-) Point out to him just how *convenient* it will be. No bottles to fiddle with, no boiling water or mixing formula, no *buying* formula which is pretty expensive, no toting bottles on outings or worrying that the formula stays fresh, etc. absolutely there is no way that a bloke can consider breastfeeding inconvenient, it's definitely more convenient for them! He may be saying it out of concern for the women and he does have a point, breastfeeding can be very tieing, but it's all about attitude, heck, I'm the child's mother I'm going to have to look after them whatever way I feed them, breastfeeding infants are fairly portable anyway and there is aways pumping and bottles for special occasions (though if you want to do that, you do usually need to get them started on bottles in a timely fashion, usually about 4-6 weeks). To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that that is how mammals feed there young. I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is! I would totally understand if that is not a conversation you want to have, so there is the other approach of finding a decent book (others have suggested some) and leaving it lieing around. Oh and there is one final idea, don't even mention it, just do it, which makes it seem all the more normal, I'd be very surprised if they would dare make a comment even if they wanted to! Cheers Anne |
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