Need a couple of ideas and resources
I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having
some issues with my son. Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history: 1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds 2) he's on meds (a cocktail really) 3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that needed immediate attention and got immediate attention. 4) we have a social worker 5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo) 6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which thankfully isn't all that often anymore) 7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school 8) he has a great IEP So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it. Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something resembling sort of like a seizure? I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked. What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm not sure how to get past. Thanks. -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery |
"slykitten" wrote in message ... I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having some issues with my son. Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history: 1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds 2) he's on meds (a cocktail really) 3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that needed immediate attention and got immediate attention. 4) we have a social worker 5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo) 6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which thankfully isn't all that often anymore) 7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school 8) he has a great IEP So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it. Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something resembling sort of like a seizure? I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked. What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm not sure how to get past. Thanks. -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts being part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know a child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of the ADHD. The sibling of a patient I care for also has ADHD. He out of the blue one day, tells his grandmother I'm a liar, and I don't take care of his brother, I actually torture him; because I agreed with the grandmother on what the mother said about his medication schedule. I guess basically what I'm trying to say is; even though it may be nerve wracking, frustrating and hurtful to you, this could be something that is typical. Behavior modification doesn't happen overnight, and stress can set things back. Doesn't matter that your son's stepdad was there, he sees himself as abandoned, even though you were coming home. You can't help getting sick, and needing hospitalization. I know, I can't either being diabetic. The best you can do is continue what you've been doing if it's been working. Stay consistant, and reassure your son that you love him. I can't say as this helps, and I can't say I have any ideas other than the plan you've got going. Keep working with the professionals you have in place, and Good luck. Betsy |
1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really) 3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that needed immediate attention and got immediate attention. 4) we have a social worker 5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo) 6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which thankfully isn't all that often anymore) 7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school 8) he has a great IEP Based on what his diagnosis is and how old he is, would be how to proceed. I've had these similar issues and life events with my own son. But from the little you have shared, I suggest researching "Reactive Attachment Disorder". So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it. Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something resembling sort of like a seizure? I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked. What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. It could be that your hospital stay freaked him out and he reacted by going into "self-preservation" mode. Crazy lying and false accusations are hallmarks of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Check out the behaviors list and if he meets enough of the criteria start exploring the options. I must say, this mental illness is not a "doom & gloom" thing, they CAN get better. My son is proof. Just my 2 cents......... Christine |
I know Slykitten has me filtered but someone should tell her my son had similar
problems. She may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It took awile before we found a good fit. I don't know how old her son is. My son started after his dad died at ll. He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a little different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the consequences if he doesn't. My son also was hospitalized for awhile. Basically tell her I said there's no easy fix. People who don't understand will assume she's doing something wrong and if she just did the right thing, this would all go away. She may think that. The truth is, you can do everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an infection where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal. It sounds like she's doing everything she can. There was a time when if he didn't get better, I would have sent him away for his own good, my good and his sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for her, she has to accept its best for everyone. This is not her fault. **** happens. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
We will just make the post appear.
T "Joelle" wrote in message ... I know Slykitten has me filtered but someone should tell her my son had similar problems. She may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It took awile before we found a good fit. I don't know how old her son is. My son started after his dad died at ll. He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a little different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the consequences if he doesn't. My son also was hospitalized for awhile. Basically tell her I said there's no easy fix. People who don't understand will assume she's doing something wrong and if she just did the right thing, this would all go away. She may think that. The truth is, you can do everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an infection where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal. It sounds like she's doing everything she can. There was a time when if he didn't get better, I would have sent him away for his own good, my good and his sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for her, she has to accept its best for everyone. This is not her fault. **** happens. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
Subject: Need a couple of ideas and resources
From: "slykitten" ms Date: 9/16/2004 12:54 AM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having some issues with my son. Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history: 1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds 2) he's on meds (a cocktail really) 3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that needed immediate attention and got immediate attention. 4) we have a social worker 5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo) 6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which thankfully isn't all that often anymore) 7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school 8) he has a great IEP So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it. Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something resembling sort of like a seizure? I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked. What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm not sure how to get past. Thanks. -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery Slykitten, I too have been dealing with these same frustatioins. My daughter was diagnosed Bipolar, by one doctor ,having intermittant explosive disorder by another , she suffers learning disabilities , major depression, and we have been in the world of therapists P-docs, medications , counsiling, IEP, even the legal system came into play during the worst of her behaviors. What I did once I got my head "outta there" Was educate myself as much as possible about the symptoms she was having, the behaviors, and I never stopped pushing the doctors to get it right .. We suffered through extreme medicating to no medication, Two years ago they seemed to get it right, simply put her on Prozac 40 milligram a day. we had a "wonderful" two years, anyone that has been here knows what I mean by that, after a year of total hell. We did mobil therapy, for her individually and us as a family. I can not say enough about having a good therapist, and doctor involved. It turned our lives around. I am not saying at all that it is all "fixed" no more outbursts, or impulsive behaviours, she had a severe problem with cutting at one point that now recently came back into the picture. She fell right back into some pretty severe behaviors recently , I feel due to her babies father deciding he "made a mistake" and abandoned her and the baby for another relationship. We have begun to re enter the mobil therapy again and are having her re evaluated to medicate her properly once more now the prozac isn't working like it had. My daughter just turned 17 and has a 9 month old baby, they live with me of course and although her set back has added some additional stress to the household , she is keeping up on her responsibilities to the baby, ( at first she did not) it has been 2 months since the daddy person chose to split the scene, we have let her have some time to grieve her loss( she of course is not over it but is functioning much better) and she is back on task. As with what you explain with your son, I believe there is no instant cure for these mental health conditions , there are so many out there , it is a hit and miss maybe forever. The best I have found for us is to educate my daughter on her illness, help her to understand it, and give her the support she needs to live as normal a life as possible. I have seen her thrive and I know she is capable of coping well, she needs to have a constant support system. So I guess what I am trying to ramble off here to you is you sound to be doing everything possible to make your sons life manageable and sometimes that is all there is to it. filling in as many of the blanks as possible and keeping the support system involved. Unconditional love and never make him feel guilty for when things get hard for him. Good luck ! Bev |
"slykitten" wrote in message ...
I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having some issues with my son. Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history: 1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds 2) he's on meds (a cocktail really) 3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that needed immediate attention and got immediate attention. 4) we have a social worker 5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo) 6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which thankfully isn't all that often anymore) 7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school 8) he has a great IEP So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it. Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something resembling sort of like a seizure? I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked. What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm not sure how to get past. Thanks. Sorry about the diverticulitis episode you had. I have a friend who had that and was in the hospital, too. It's so painful and awful. To me, it really sounds like your son was doing so well there for quite a while, and that he had a set-back because you got sick. (Two steps forward, one step back?) Besides the social worker, the meds, the doctor, the safe restraint techs, the school, and everything else that you mentioned, I don't know of any other resources for him. I would like to see something for you, though. The step-dad and your friend seem like a terrific support system for you. I think you need to have some fun when you feel better. Karen |
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my son had similar
problems. You may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It took awile before we found a good fit. I don't know how old your son is. My son started after his dad died at ll. He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a little different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the consequences if he doesn't. My son also was hospitalized for awhile. There's no easy fix. People who don't understand will assume you are doing something wrong and if you just did the right thing, this would all go away. You may think that. The truth is, you can do everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an infection where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. There was a time when if he didn't get better, I would have sent him away (residential treatment) for his own good, my good and his sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for you, you to accept its best for everyone and not feel guilty. And one more thing and this is where you will probably think you are being judged and abused but I have to say it... The reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, He's not his stepdad. You aren't married. He may love your kid, but he's not his dad or his stepdad. He's not a replacement for you. I'm not saying there was anything you could do about it, you can't help being sick and having to leave him, but you need to understand (and I tried to say this before when you got ****ed off and filtered me) that just because you love this guy and want to think he's just as much family to your kid as you are, he's not, not in your kids eye. Very often parents assume that their kids should feel lovey toward their love interests because they do. But it doesn't necesarily work that way. It may just be that part of his anger has something to do with this difference between him and you as to who this guy is in your life. Before you get defensive and ****ed off, just think about it. |
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