Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre
for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer
relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing
her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less.

I know my daughter will benefit tremendously from being around other
children in a structured educational setting. She will be in a group
of 9 children, who are looked after by 2 teachers and one part-time
assistant.

I work full-time from home, and have a 9-month old here as well. He
will stay with me until he gets a spot at the daycare at 12 months.

The relative (whose neck I would love to wring right now) insists a
child should be kept at home until age 3.

I am doing this because I need to keep my job. Until now I had help
from my mother, but she leaves in a few days, after having been with
us for six months. Already a huge luxury!

What I'd love is to hear some positive stories, and if there's any
scientific backing to my relative's claims.

Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

On Dec 4, 3:24 pm, Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
wrote:
I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre
for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer
relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing
her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less.

I know my daughter will benefit tremendously from being around other
children in a structured educational setting. She will be in a group
of 9 children, who are looked after by 2 teachers and one part-time
assistant.

I work full-time from home, and have a 9-month old here as well. He
will stay with me until he gets a spot at the daycare at 12 months.

The relative (whose neck I would love to wring right now) insists a
child should be kept at home until age 3.

I am doing this because I need to keep my job. Until now I had help
from my mother, but she leaves in a few days, after having been with
us for six months. Already a huge luxury!

What I'd love is to hear some positive stories, and if there's any
scientific backing to my relative's claims.

And what business is this of your relative's? Just what does
she/he think will happen if your child goes to day-care
before age 3?

Smile and tell the relative "Thank you for your concern but we
feel we are doing what is best for our family". You said that
you know your daughter will benefit so trust your instincts
as her mom and don't let anyone make you doubt yourself.

There is no one right way to bring up kids. I'm sure one can
find studies that show advantages and disadvantages to
children being cared for by a parent at home vs day care.
It sounds like you've found a good day-care setting so
just put that relative right out of your mind.

-- Zip

Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward writes:

The relative (whose neck I would love to wring right now) insists a
child should be kept at home until age 3.

I am doing this because I need to keep my job.

Depending on your daughter's personality and how many hours she's at
daycare, that relative may be right that it will hurt her in some way.
At the same time, you're right that losing your job would hurt her in
other ways.

That's the painful thing about being a parent: We instinctively want to
give our children the best in every area, yet we constantly have to
choose. And we know our kids will be hurt sometimes by us, sometimes by
others, and sometimes by themselves.

I recently had lunch with a 23-year-old coworker. He still remembers
the sinking feeling he had looking out the window the first time his
mother left him at daycare. That was him. Other kids do fine all day
at daycare. Still others will do well for a few hours but not all day.

Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

On Dec 4, 3:24 pm, Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward
wrote:
I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre
for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer
relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing
her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less.

I know my daughter will benefit tremendously from being around other
children in a structured educational setting. She will be in a group
of 9 children, who are looked after by 2 teachers and one part-time
assistant.

I disagree. My 2yo learns a lot from his parents, his baby-sitter, and
his 4yo brother, and I don't think he is missing much by not being
around other 2yo's.

snip

What I'd love is to hear some positive stories, and if there's any
scientific backing to my relative's claims.

There is, but this is a controversial issue. Here is an article
summarizing two studies.

Two Studies Link Child Care to Behavior Problems
By SUSAN GILBERT
New York Times, July 16, 2003
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpag... 4C0A9659C8B63

"With findings that are bound to rekindle the debate over its effects
on children, two studies being published today build on evidence that
those who spend long hours in child care may experience more stress
and are at increased risk of becoming overly aggressive and developing
other behavior problems.

One of the studies found that the more time children spent in child
care, the more likely they were to be disobedient and have trouble
getting along with others, though it suggested that factors like a
mother's sensitivity to the child's needs could moderate that
outcome.

This report is from the Study of Early Child Care and Youth
Development, the largest long-term study of child care in the United
States, which was undertaken by the National Institute of Child Health
and Human Development, a branch of the National Institutes of Health.
The findings elaborate on preliminary research that created a storm of
debate when presented by the study's investigators at a child
development meeting two years ago.

The other study found that in children younger than 3, levels of
cortisol, a hormone associated with stress, rose in the afternoon
during full days they spent in day care, but fell as the hours passed
on days they spent at home. This study's researchers, from the
Institute of Child Development of the University of Minnesota, had
earlier found the same pattern in 3- and 4-year-olds.

Cortisol levels in the saliva of day care children were highest and
rose most steeply in those judged by day care center personnel to be
the shyest. ''These children struggle in group situations and find
them stressful,'' said the study's lead author, Dr. Megan R. Gunnar.

Dr. Gunnar said that while none of the cortisol levels measured were
high enough to be considered signs of psychological trauma, they were
nonetheless a cause for concern."

rest of article at link

Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward wrote:
I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre
for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer
relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing
her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less.

I know my daughter will benefit tremendously from being around other
children in a structured educational setting. She will be in a group
of 9 children, who are looked after by 2 teachers and one part-time
assistant.

I work full-time from home, and have a 9-month old here as well. He
will stay with me until he gets a spot at the daycare at 12 months.

The relative (whose neck I would love to wring right now) insists a
child should be kept at home until age 3.

I am doing this because I need to keep my job. Until now I had help
from my mother, but she leaves in a few days, after having been with
us for six months. Already a huge luxury!

What I'd love is to hear some positive stories, and if there's any
scientific backing to my relative's claims.


I was a bit worried about this at first, but I found my little boy loves
daycare. He was started at 13 months (now 24 months).

In fact I would say that if I did not have to work I would still send
him to daycare 2-3 days a week for the play and socialisation.

When you think about it, it is one big play group. In ancient times I
sure children played with each other. Being walled up in a big house
with one parent is a modern construct.

He used to be unhappy when I dropped him off in the morning but I used
have to chase him to catch him and take him home in the afternoon.

Now he runs to his carers and in the morning and in the afternoon and in
the afternoon I get an enthusiastic "Daddy !" and he runs to me and
gives me a big hug.

As for your relative - he is making the claims he should back them up.

Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

In article ,
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward says...

I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre
for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer
relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing
her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less.

I know my daughter will benefit tremendously from being around other
children in a structured educational setting. She will be in a group
of 9 children, who are looked after by 2 teachers and one part-time
assistant.

I work full-time from home, and have a 9-month old here as well. He
will stay with me until he gets a spot at the daycare at 12 months.

The relative (whose neck I would love to wring right now) insists a
child should be kept at home until age 3.

Do wring said relative's neck.

Your daughter will do just fine.

What's the special thing about age 3, anyway?

Banty

Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

On Dec 4, 4:38 pm, Banty wrote:

Do wring said relative's neck.

Yes, dissent from progressive orthodoxy must be silenced! Research on
problems with day care should be ignored!

Your daughter will do just fine.

Maybe, but we have no way of knowing that.

Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

On Dec 4, 4:10 pm, Beliavsky wrote:
On Dec 4, 4:38 pm, Banty wrote:

Do wring said relative's neck.

Yes, dissent from progressive orthodoxy must be silenced! Research on
problems with day care should be ignored!

Your daughter will do just fine.

Maybe, but we have no way of knowing that.

So what, in your opinion, should woh moms do?
Or should they woh at all?

A high quality preschool enhances a child's life in more ways than we
can emulate at home. My daughters (ages 4 and 3) go to a wonderful
school with several programs like spanish, music, arts in addition to
academics. I can't possibly do all that at home. Not all parents have
what it takes to home-school. Besides I like my career.

Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

"Beliavsky" wrote in message
...
On Dec 4, 4:38 pm, Banty wrote:

Do wring said relative's neck.

Yes, dissent from progressive orthodoxy must be silenced! Research on
problems with day care should be ignored!

Your daughter will do just fine.

Maybe, but we have no way of knowing that.

If a parent needs to work for financial reasons, I suspect that the parent
NOT working will hurt more. There's a much greater coorelation between low
parental income and just about every problem under the sun than between high
quality child care and long-term problems. And in most cases, if you can
afford Nanny care, you can afford to have a parent stay home and survive on
one income, which means that if you're talking about needing to work, Nanny
care is probably out of reach.

Am I hurting my child by putting her in daycare at 22 months?
 

"Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward" wrote in message
...
I was all excited to get a spot at our neighbourhood daycare centre
for my 22-month old, who has been at home until now, but a naysayer
relative has made me wonder if I'm hurting my daughter more than doing
her good by putting her in daycare at this age, in winter, no less.

I know my daughter will benefit tremendously from being around other
children in a structured educational setting. She will be in a group
of 9 children, who are looked after by 2 teachers and one part-time
assistant.

I work full-time from home, and have a 9-month old here as well. He
will stay with me until he gets a spot at the daycare at 12 months.

The relative (whose neck I would love to wring right now) insists a
child should be kept at home until age 3.

I am doing this because I need to keep my job. Until now I had help
from my mother, but she leaves in a few days, after having been with
us for six months. Already a huge luxury!

What I'd love is to hear some positive stories, and if there's any
scientific backing to my relative's claims.


The balancing act between work, child care and money can be tough, relatives
aside. Their opinion can be considered, if you value said opinion. Doesn't
sound like you do. Time for your best smile and nod. Unless it is your
mother, then you should tell her to take a leap! ;)

So, I don't quite agree with the mantra Oh don't worry, you're child will be
fine. Experiences of mine and those I know well

- 5yo boy put in time out for *4 hours* for a crime of being inattentive
(aka being a 5yo boy).
- 2yo told that if she did not lie down and fall asleep This Instant they
were going to take her lovey away.
- a 2yo girl who was being rather forcably potty trained. Pee was fine. She
was withholding poop until she bled from her behind. Not drips but flowing
blood. Mom not told until actively bleeding with every movement which only
occured every 5 or so days.
- fire drill at a center, 2 2yos left in their crib unaccounted for. No one
noticed until they came back into the building. (Luckily it was a drill and
not the real thing!)

I don't tell you these things to scare you but to help you understand that
not all programs are created equal. And though those things we frequently
call "educational" may be grand, small children have other needs as well.
They need some measure of consistency. If caregivers are turning over and
over, that is really bad. They need to feel safe. So if the discipline
policy is not one of REAL positive discipline but something like time outs
substituted for spankings or other weird punative stuff, then don't go
there. It is amazing how many people *educated* in early childhood education
do not understand both the how and the why of positive discipline.

What centers call "social/emotional development" is often a bit misguided as
well. They mean getting with the regimented program that they will
eventually need in school. It frequently does not include problem solving
skills. I have seen 2 early childhood educators doing this in action. It is
an amazing thing to behold. But most don't have it. Look for it. Ask
*detailed* questions about the director's understanding of what it means.
How do they handle interpersonal conflict? How do they help the children
learn to resolve conflict themselves, etcetera.

You need to keep you job. Been there, done that. But more than any other
service you ever pay for, buyer beware.

The other negative aspect of full time child care (you did not mention if it
would be full time) that I observed when I was in child care myself was that
many full time working parents spend so much time getting through the day,
get the day done... that they never got to know their children. Families who
spent so little time with their children that they could not solve things
like eating issues, sleep issues or whatever. They neither spent enough time
with their kids to really understand the issue nor did they ahve the will to
do what it took to deal. They needed to get so much done in the few hours
between pick up and bed... Now I don't mean to claim that this is pervasive.
Truth be told, if you are aware of the risk it is likely mitigated easily
enough.

For the record, I found finding good or even passable childcare difficult.
One that was good when you found them would deteriorate over time as turn
over got crazy. Or whatever. I found the children's behavior, attention
span, laughter quotient was far better at home. So I rearranged our life
(and tried to learn to like beans) brought them home. All the way to
homeschooling. So there is likely some bias here that you need to filter.

Best of luck. It is a difficult thing to work out. But YOU have the only
skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family. So
keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide.

Stephanie