Gag of the Week....
 

Did you hear about the Montana teacher who was helping one of her
kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help & she could
see why. Even with her pulling & him pushing, the little boots still didn't
want to go on. Finally, when the 2nd boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong
feet." She looked & sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the
boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as
together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face & scream, "Why didn't
you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him
pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots
off & he said,
"They're my brother's boots My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the
grace & courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.........

Gag of the Week....
 

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a redhead
with three small children running around at her feet.

He said, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the
product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken aback.

He said, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's
bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most
people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been
frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The redhead said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it
on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

Gag of the Week....
 

"'Kate" wrote ...


LOL... damn. I never thought of that. And all these years, I was using
it for 0[pa9wiul;f,m.d,


I Tried 0[pa9wiul;f,m.d, once...

put my back out for weeks :-P

z

... quiet round these parts aint it? ...

Gag of the Week....
 

Zorro wrote:
"'Kate" wrote ...


LOL... damn. I never thought of that. And all these years, I was using
it for 0[pa9wiul;f,m.d,


I Tried 0[pa9wiul;f,m.d, once...

put my back out for weeks :-P

z

.. quiet round these parts aint it? ...

well its certainly been quiet around mine for some considerable time

Gag of the Week....
 

A couple wanted to join the church. The pastor told them, "We have a special
requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole
month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the church.
When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the
husband was obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon... Is there a problem?", the pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex
for the required month." the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult...however, we managed to abstain through
sheer willpower." "The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer,
we managed to abstain.

"However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer,
reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.

"One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she
bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with
her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted
for over half an hour, and when we were done we were both drenched in
sweat." admitted the man, shamefacedly.

The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, "You understand this means you
will not be welcome in our church."

"We know", said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home
Depot either."

Gag of the Week....
 

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old
son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and
tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his
commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. A few moments
passed.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments later: "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called
out.

"Matt's riding a new bike....."

A few moments later - "Looks like the Sanders are moving."

"Jason is on his skate board...."

A few more moments.... "The Coopers are having sex!!"

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously asked, "How do you
know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle, too."

Gag of the Week....
 

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between potentially & realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars." "Then ask your sister if
she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your
brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and
tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for
a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really
use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I
would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?!

"The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how
much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially
and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes...

Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three Million Dollars...but
realistically...we're living with two sluts and a gay guy.




....

ok...I know... shame on me....

Gag of the Week....
 

Do I look that old?

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new
dentist. I noticed his dds diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I
remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in
my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I
had a secret crush on, way back then??

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to
have been my classmate.

Hmmm ...or could he???

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High
School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "in 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed!.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-bitch asked, "what did you teach?"

Gag of the Week....
 

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 17 Aug 2006 09:43:47 +0100, "Zorro" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

Do I look that old?

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new
dentist. I noticed his dds diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I
remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been
in
my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that
I
had a secret crush on, way back then??

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to
have been my classmate.

Hmmm ...or could he???

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park
High
School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "in 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed!.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled son-of-a-bitch asked, "what did you teach?"

LOL.
You know... I was thinking about going to my 30th high school reunion
then I figured, I didn't like'em then, why bother making the trip?

I *Know* I look better than they do. :-P


My 10 year reunion was last year. :-P

Gag of the Week....
 

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 18 Aug 2006 23:46:26 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


"'Kate" wrote in message
. ..

You know... I was thinking about going to my 30th high school reunion
then I figured, I didn't like'em then, why bother making the trip?

I *Know* I look better than they do. :-P


My 10 year reunion was last year. :-P

Mmm... young. Handsome too.



::blush::

Why, thank ye, miss tips hat

So you saw my kiddies? Ain't they cute?