Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and
I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the
boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we
were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we
got married in 2003).

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

wrote:
I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and
I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the
boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we
were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we
got married in 2003).

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.

I think the best thing you can do for them is to breastfeed your new
baby and let them see it! Let them know it's the most natural thing in
the world, that it's what breasts are *for*.

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo
boy. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended
purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger, or
mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the step-mom
role may have dealt with/approached it with their stepchildren.

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
wrote:

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.

Okay, first things first, and repeat it as many times as
you, your husband, or your boys require until they get it:
BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL. Second, the benefits of breastfeeding
are so overwhelming as to make it a no brainer that it's best
for the baby and best for you barring unusual situations. Third,
do you want to be a tacit supporter of the idea that breastfeeding
is "icky" and should be kept super private--an idea that causes
many women not to attempt breastfeeding or end it early (with all
the attendant health issues for those women and babies) because
they're so afraid of what others will think?
One of the best health benefits you can give your
baby is to breastfeed. One of the best health benefits
you can give *yourself* is to breastfeed (it provides a
rather dramatic reduction in breast cancer rates, for
example). One of the best things you can teach your
husband and your sons is that breastfeeding is a perfectly
normal activity that they *SHOULD* be comfortable with.
What better time than now to learn? When you have the
perfect teaching opportunity, why would you let them leave
your home believing that breastfeeding is so sexually
charged and taboo that their own mother couldn't even
nurse in their home in order to preserve their delicate
sensibilities?

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.

If they cannot tolerate your breastfeeding around
them, there is a serious problem that needs fixing. Do
you really want to send potential fathers out into the world
thinking that breastfeeding is so icky that women shouldn't
do it? Do their future wives and babies a favor! They
will come around. My first two boys were 8 and 6 when their
baby sister arrived, and 10 and 7 when I stopped breastfeeding.
There were never any issues. They are now 11 and 9 and are
not infrequently around other nursing mothers. It would
never occur to them to think there was anything wrong or
uncomfortable about it--and that's the way it should be.
It's one thing to argue that women should have the choice
to breastfeed or not, but to my way of thinking, there is
no rational argument to be made for why it's okay to send
adolescent boys the idea that breastfeeding is so
unimportant that it should be ditched in favor of protecting
their delicate sensibilities--which probably don't even
exist to any significant degree!

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.

They will be fine. Whatever trauma they might
go through has already happened now that there's nearly
indisputable proof that you're having sex with their
father. They will deal with this just fine and will get
over any squeamishness quickly. What is more important
right now is that *you* get over *your* squeamishness.
Breastfeeding is not particularly inconvenient unless
you think that you have to be consigned to back rooms
and never leave the house to do it. There are
nursing moms everywhere. You've probably been
around many of them without even noticing that they
were nursing. You don't have to be an exhibitionist
to nurse, but at the same time, no one will be scarred
for life if they catch an occasional glimpse of skin
if something slips. This is normal and appropriate
behavior that should be encouraged.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

wrote:
Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo
boy. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended
purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger, or
mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the step-mom
role may have dealt with/approached it with their stepchildren.

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.


I just want to say, best wishes for bf'ing your new baby! I don't have
any specific advice for discussing bf with 13 yo boys - most of my
discussions have been with much younger or older people. I have bf
around teenage relatives a few times, and didn't have any issues - they
simply averted their eyes or moved away if they were uncomfortable.
But, they were my cousins' kids, or dh's cousins' kids, so not nearly
the same type of relationship. It was also after I had gotten through
the initial learning curve. You will likely find that at first, you
will need to expose your breast a bit simply to be able to see the baby
latch on (and then you can cover up). Later, once baby and you get
more accustomed to bf, you will probably be able to turn aside and
latch on very discreetly, if you so choose.

I will say it is probably likely that teenage boys will be embarrassed
- but it's a healthy type of thing for them to learn. Since I don't
know your step-sons, I don't know the best way to approach them. Maybe
leave some books about nursing lying around for them to find and read?
I've heard So That's What They're For is a good, non-preachy book (by
Janet Tomaro, iirc) - maybe someone else can say whether they think it
would be good for teenage boys? (I haven't read it, I've just seen it
recommended frequently) I don't know if that is better than trying to
sit them down and talk about it, because that seems like you would be
setting yourself up for thinking it is a big deal, iykwim?

(Ok, I guess I had more ideas than I originally thought I did!)

(And of course, I agree with everything Ericka so eloquently said!)

Irene

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

On 19 Sep 2006 06:30:13 -0700, wrote:

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.

You might ask him what exactly, is inconvenient about breastfeeding,
in his mind? After all, it's not as if he's going to have to do it
;-)
Point out to him just how *convenient* it will be. No bottles to
fiddle with, no boiling water or mixing formula, no *buying* formula
which is pretty expensive, no toting bottles on outings or worrying
that the formula stays fresh, etc.

Nan

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Okay, first things first, and repeat it as many times as
you, your husband, or your boys require until they get it:
BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL.

Actually, I wouldn't start saying to them that BREASTFEEDING IS NOT
SEXUAL unless there seems to be some specific reason to make it an
issue. While I have very limited experience with teenage boys, I
strongly suspect that they'll be far more uncomfortable with their
stepmother making a big speech about how BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL
than they would with you breastfeeding.

What I would do is this: Make sure the fact that you're going to be
breastfeeding gets mentioned at some point before the birth, but, if you
possibly can, do this in a way that works naturally into the
conversation. "Got to go out and buy some more baby supplies this
weekend - what do we still need? Let's see - at least we don't have to
worry about getting more than one or two bottles, since I'll be
breastfeeding." "The antenatal class was cool. I got some good advice
about breastfeeding, and it looks as though that's going to go OK." Get
the picture? Probably better if they're aware - but definitely better
_not_ to make a big thing out of it.

Then, after the birth, just go ahead and breastfeed. If they look
awkward about it, try to ignore that and continue to act as if it was
natural. (It can be an awkward moment for _anyone_ at first. My family
were all completely pro-breastfeeding and would probably have been
astonished and shocked if I hadn't breastfed, but when it came to the
actual reality of sitting there and talking to me while I breastfed, my
mother and sister were incredibly awkward the first time it happened. I
still remember how acutely uncomfortable it was to sit there with the
two of them staring at me as though I was a zoo exhibit while making
stilted must-try-to-act-natural conversation. A few days down the line,
they were used to it and nobody cared any more. The same may very well
be true for your boys - don't read too much into it or get too worried
if they need a little time to get used to it. Acting natural and not
saying anything is probably a much better way to get it to seem natural
than making a big deal out of it.)

If it really seems to be a problem that isn't going away, you may have
to discuss it. And this may even be something you can do as a joke,
depending on how they raise their objections - if one of them complains
loudly that it's ICKY, then just grin at him and make some teasing
comment. If you really do feel that one of them is having a lot of
difficulty with it, have a gentle chat with him at a private moment.
But don't assume that this is going to be necessary - just act as though
breastfeeding is the natural and obvious thing to do, and see whether
they'll accept that.


All the best,

Sarah

--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

You might ask him what exactly, is inconvenient about breastfeeding,
in his mind? After all, it's not as if he's going to have to do it
;-)
Point out to him just how *convenient* it will be. No bottles to
fiddle with, no boiling water or mixing formula, no *buying* formula
which is pretty expensive, no toting bottles on outings or worrying
that the formula stays fresh, etc.

absolutely there is no way that a bloke can consider breastfeeding
inconvenient, it's definitely more convenient for them! He may be saying it
out of concern for the women and he does have a point, breastfeeding can be
very tieing, but it's all about attitude, heck, I'm the child's mother I'm
going to have to look after them whatever way I feed them, breastfeeding
infants are fairly portable anyway and there is aways pumping and bottles
for special occasions (though if you want to do that, you do usually need to
get them started on bottles in a timely fashion, usually about 4-6 weeks).

To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned
about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they
either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised
questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely
to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the
book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception
on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women
breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and
without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that
that is how mammals feed there young.

I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it
up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about
what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it
as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is! I would
totally understand if that is not a conversation you want to have, so there
is the other approach of finding a decent book (others have suggested some)
and leaving it lieing around. Oh and there is one final idea, don't even
mention it, just do it, which makes it seem all the more normal, I'd be very
surprised if they would dare make a comment even if they wanted to!

Cheers

Anne

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

wrote:
I am about 3 months pregnant

Congratulations :-)

and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and
I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the
boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we
were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we
got married in 2003).

It seems like the arrival will be a very happy event.

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience.

In what way? You need to be more specific so we can advise.

But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences.

No question.

The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.

I certainly don't think you should consider not BF because of what you
are afraid of in this respect. I do however think it is good you are
thinking about these things now. You will need the support of all your
family.

If they have never seen a woman BF they and you may feel uncomfortable.
I was certainly a little uncomfortable to start with when BF infront of
my father, brother and FIL, only because they had never seen my
breasts. As my confidence grew I became more comfortable.

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.

I think you need to talk to them about it. Without knowing what sort of
relationship you have with them, it's hard to say whether it would be
better for the whole family to sit together, or whether it's just you
and one or more of the boys, or whether their father speaks to them
first.

If I were you I wouldn't talk to them as if you were asking for
permission if you know what I mean, but tell them you are going to BF
and you're happy to answer questions.

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.

Mary Ann

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

wrote in message
oups.com...
I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and
I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the
boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we
were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we
got married in 2003).

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.

Okay, for what it's worth, here's the opinion of a guy...

I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you
should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should
definitely be done in private.

One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT blood-related
to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them. It's sometimes uncomfortable
enough for a teenage boy to see his biological mother breastfeeding, but in
the case of mom being step-mom, the guilt of ogling your own mother's
breasts is not there, she's not related. While I don't think this would
mess them up, so to speak, it's still a pretty good idea to be as discrete
about this as possible.

I hope this is taken in the way I intended.

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

wrote about breastfeeding with older
children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences.

I'm afraid I just don't see what is inconvenient about BF. Bottles to clean,
fill, store, warm, etc. Now that is inconvenient.
Covering yourself discreetly and breast feeding your baby almost anytime,
almost anywhere. What could be more convenient?

Sandie

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Irrational Number wrote:

The first couple of weeks, breastfeed in your bedroom
so that they don't see you naked from the waist up
for hours at a time while you learn how to breastfeed.
With DS#1, I didn't know how to BF with a bra on and
I was so exhausted that I didn't care, but there were
only DH and my mom around.

My stepsons were 12 and 11 when I gave birth to my son, and the advice
above is just what I did. While I was getting the hang of
breastfeeding, I excused myself and went upstairs to my bedroom to
nurse, which is what I did when *anyone* but my husband was present for
those first few weeks. After I grew more comfortable with it, I
started nursing in front of my stepsons (who didn't live with us
full-time, but were with us on weekends and school holidays).

My stepsons had been around extended family on their mother's side who
breastfed so it wasn't that big a deal for them. The 11 year old
couldn't have cared less and ignored what I was doing. I did have a
couple of occasions with the 12 year old when he came over to look -- I
know it wasn't to see my breasts, but it was that he was very involved
(you could say overly-involved) with his new baby brother and wanted to
see what the baby was doing all the time. The second time, he saw a
lot more than he was bargaining for, backed off, and never snuck a peek
again.

I have a girlfriend who breastfed all of her babies in front of her two
stepsons (both of whom lived with her full-time) and she was a bit
worried at first (as was I) but she didn't have any problems. It
really gets to be boring and old news with them very quickly.

I think a supportive husband would make a world of difference, so get
DH on board, and best wishes.

-Stephanie

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

In article . com,
says...

Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo
boy. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended
purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger, or
mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the step-mom
role may have dealt with/approached it with their stepchildren.


Thirteen year old boys? I *have* one of those at *home*! He's increased in
size beyond my own and I ain't exactly tiny, and he's grown hair wherever hair
can possibly grow that I can see, as well as (I presume) where I can't see, so I
can fully understand how 13 year old boys may appear to the unprepared as a
monster. But believe me they're really not! ;-)

Thirteen year old boys may be adolescent males, but they are not dumb or without
insight and understanding. And they're still kids! A little ordinary
discretion (like a light receiving blanket thrown over your front while you set
up) is all that's necessary for the sake of a need for modesty. Sorta like you
throw a robe or pj's on (depending on your in-bed state of being ;) when you
get up in the morning so as not to parade naked. No big deal, but no need to
put on a full day's dressing gear either.

So go about it matter of factly and cheerfully, taking some simple measures of
modesty for the sake of the situation, answering whatever questions are halfway
well meant, and you'll be set.

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.


Sometimes folks just have to grow up and get used to things like that. At least
one male in your household needs to be required by you to be a grown up.

Cheers,
Banty

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

wrote:
Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13 yo
boy.

I think you are underestimating them, truly.

I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the intended
purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger, or
mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the step-mom
role may have dealt with/approached it with their stepchildren.

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.

Absolutely. That will be key. But truly, I think
you will find that this is no nearly as big a deal as you
imagine. If you need some resources explaining why
breastfeeding is a good idea, this might help:

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/bab...feed/8910.html
http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBJulAug01p124.html
http://www.hbns.org/getDocument.cfm?documentID=1300
http://www.chw.org/display/PPF/DocID/35498/router.asp
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding#Benefits

I'm sure there are many more--that's just a quick search.

Also, given that you are hoping to breastfeed
in what may be a less than ideally supportive situation,
you should probably take extra care to become as
educated as you can. There are so very many misconceptions
about breastfeeding, and they lead many women to incorrectly
believe that they're not producing enough milk or even to
take actions that sabotage the success of breastfeeding.
Sadly, all too many people in healthcare are also
underinformed about breastfeeding, so you can't always
count on them to give you accurate information. Having
good information and finding some friends who have
successfully breastfed (and hanging around on
m.k.b and m.k.p) will give you a much better likelihood
of success.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Irrational Number wrote:
wrote:
I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. [...]

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around.

The first couple of weeks, breastfeed in your bedroom
so that they don't see you naked from the waist up
for hours at a time while you learn how to breastfeed.
With DS#1, I didn't know how to BF with a bra on and
I was so exhausted that I didn't care, but there were
only DH and my mom around.

This can certainly happen, and you may want some
privacy if it does, but I just wanted to add the encouraging
note that it doesn't always take that much time or
difficulty.

Then, practice breastfeeding in front of the mirror so
that you don't show too much flesh. Yes, BF is natural
and good, but you don't have to flash everyone all the
time. ;)

And this is also not all that challenging to do.
You'll find out what works best for you. Towards the
end of pregnancy, invest in a good nursing bra or two
(remember to allow a little room for growth) and practice
opening and closing it one handed. Have a nursing
nightgown and/or some nursing tops, but many women find
that a loose t-shirt works very well. Don't invest a
lot before you figure out what sort of bras and clothing
work best for you, because different women have
different preferences.
Don't worry too much--by the time your baby's
a month old, you'll be wondering why you were so worried
about any of it ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Frisbee® wrote:

I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you
should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should
definitely be done in private.

I understand your intentions are good, but do you
understand the repercussions of this statement? It most
definitely makes breastfeeding a difficult and isolating
chore for women. Many babies spend quite a lot of time at
the breast. You cannot always predict when they will need
to eat. Breastfeeding only in private means that most women
will give up breastfeeding early because they're going stir
crazy and are unable to carry on with their lives because
they can't go anywhere for fear that they'll be caught out
in public when they need to nurse. (And believe me, public
restrooms and such are *NOT* an acceptable alternative most
of the time.) So, keeping it in private is an absolutely
unacceptable solution, in my opinion. I've spent about
four years of my life breastfeeding, and breastfed in
public whenever necessary or convenient for all of it.
I never got a single dirty look or comment. It is entirely
possible to breastfeed discreetly in public. Anyone who's
seeing too much when a woman is breastfeeding discreetly
is actively looking for trouble.

One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT blood-related
to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.

I don't believe that's necessarily true. I'm sure it'll
be odd and maybe even uncomfortable at first, but they will very
quickly get to the point that they don't give a rip and just
want to make sure baby gets fed and stops fussing quickly.

It's sometimes uncomfortable
enough for a teenage boy to see his biological mother breastfeeding, but in
the case of mom being step-mom, the guilt of ogling your own mother's
breasts is not there, she's not related.

I don't buy that either. I suspect most step-sons would
feel guilty about ogling, but you know what? There's a *really*
easy cure for that. They can choose not to ogle.

While I don't think this would
mess them up, so to speak, it's still a pretty good idea to be as discrete
about this as possible.

I would definitely agree that discretion is appropriate.
However, saying a woman must avoid breastfeeding in public AND
ALSO in her own home whenever one of four family members happens
to be around is just way beyond the pale in my opinion. I can't
imagine hardly anyone breastfeeding beyond a week or two under
those circumstances. Who'd want to live like that? I just don't
think you can claim to be "supportive" of breastfeeding on the
one hand, and then impose so many restrictions on it that practically
no sane person would continue to do it. One of the things
many women need the most after having a baby is support and
companionship. Handing her a baby that needs to eat frequently
(and possible for long stretches of time) and then telling her
to go away every time she needs to nurse can have lots of
negative consequences.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Anne Rogers wrote:
).

To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned
about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they
either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised
questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely
to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the
book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception
on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women
breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and
without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that
that is how mammals feed there young.

I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it
up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about
what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it
as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is!

I don't think this approach would be a great one for most 13 and 16
year olds. They KNOW where babies come from. They also know, on an
intellectual level, that women produce milk in their breasts.


I would
totally understand if that is not a conversation you want to have, so there
is the other approach of finding a decent book (others have suggested some)
and leaving it lieing around. Oh and there is one final idea, don't even
mention it, just do it, which makes it seem all the more normal, I'd be very
surprised if they would dare make a comment even if they wanted to!

This is the one that makes the most sense to me.

Maybe I'm wrong here (having a teen-age daughter, and a teenage
daughter who has ALWAYS known what breasts are for!), but I think the
best approach to to say something much about it. Just as you are
unlikely to be discussing the details of whether or not you have an
epidural, or use cloth/disposible diapers, how you feed the baby is, on
most levels, not really their concern. If they ask about it (why
haven't you bought bottles yet? What kind of formula do you need?) you
say, "Oh, I'll be breastfeeding the new baby. Otherwise, you just do
it. (I think it makes sense to be a bit discreet about it initially,
just as you might be with any other non-intimate family member, but
there's certainly no reason to hide.)

Naomi


Cheers

Anne

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
. ..
Frisbee® wrote:

I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you
should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should
definitely be done in private.

I understand your intentions are good, but do you
understand the repercussions of this statement?

I phrased it poorly.

It most
definitely makes breastfeeding a difficult and isolating
chore for women.

That was not my intention.

Many babies spend quite a lot of time at
the breast. You cannot always predict when they will need
to eat. Breastfeeding only in private means that most women
will give up breastfeeding early because they're going stir
crazy and are unable to carry on with their lives because
they can't go anywhere for fear that they'll be caught out
in public when they need to nurse. (And believe me, public
restrooms and such are *NOT* an acceptable alternative most
of the time.) So, keeping it in private is an absolutely
unacceptable solution, in my opinion. I've spent about
four years of my life breastfeeding, and breastfed in
public whenever necessary or convenient for all of it.
I never got a single dirty look or comment. It is entirely
possible to breastfeed discreetly in public. Anyone who's
seeing too much when a woman is breastfeeding discreetly
is actively looking for trouble.

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as
BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to
be directly applied to this particular home situation.

One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.

I don't believe that's necessarily true. I'm sure it'll
be odd and maybe even uncomfortable at first, but they will very
quickly get to the point that they don't give a rip and just
want to make sure baby gets fed and stops fussing quickly.

As a teenager, it would not have been odd or uncomfortable to me. It would
have been VERY sexually arousing. I'm not kidding. At thirteen, (or for
that matter, eighteen), I'd have made any excuse to watch it. Watching my
own wife (who googles my posts) BF our twins was quite arousing. While I
believe that for a majority of men BF-ing in general is a turn-off, there
are many of us for whom it is a turn-on. But even for teens for whom the
BF-ing act itself might be a turn-off, I doubt very many teenage boys (who
are straight) would miss out on an opportunity to see bared breasts. This
is all I'm saying. Again, in public, you know what you're dealing with in
that it is what it is. Discretion is always a good idea, when possible
(when not possible, screw 'em!) but it would be, in my humble opinion, even
more important when BF-ing in front of teenagers that are not your own kids.
Unless you don't mind that you very well may have caused some "stirrings."
Believe me, I'm not a prude, but I know how I would react in that situation
(as a teenage boy).

It's sometimes uncomfortable enough for a teenage boy to see his
biological mother breastfeeding, but in the case of mom being step-mom,
the guilt of ogling your own mother's breasts is not there, she's not
related.

I don't buy that either. I suspect most step-sons would
feel guilty about ogling, but you know what? There's a *really*
easy cure for that. They can choose not to ogle.

They can certainly choose not to ogle, but since you've never experienced
the raging hormones that most teenage boys experience, I doubt you'd
understand the incredible self-control that would require. I'm not saying
that's right, I am saying it's natural, however.

While I don't think this would mess them up, so to speak, it's still a
pretty good idea to be as discrete about this as possible.

I would definitely agree that discretion is appropriate.
However, saying a woman must avoid breastfeeding in public AND
ALSO in her own home whenever one of four family members happens
to be around is just way beyond the pale in my opinion. I can't
imagine hardly anyone breastfeeding beyond a week or two under
those circumstances. Who'd want to live like that? I just don't
think you can claim to be "supportive" of breastfeeding on the
one hand, and then impose so many restrictions on it that practically
no sane person would continue to do it. One of the things
many women need the most after having a baby is support and
companionship. Handing her a baby that needs to eat frequently
(and possible for long stretches of time) and then telling her
to go away every time she needs to nurse can have lots of
negative consequences.

I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother
be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are
life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the
importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're
implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help
avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a
teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her
step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly
some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the
children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people,
or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible.
If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first.

Is that any clearer?

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Frisbee® wrote:

I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother
be as discrete as possible.

They'll never get it. You are wasting your breath.

-L.

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

In article .com,
says...


Anne Rogers wrote:
).

To the OP, I realise these are not your kids, so I can see you are concerned
about how you are going to explain things to them, but presumably they
either already know about how babies are made, or this pregnancy has raised
questions? If they already know about how babies are made, there are likely
to have some vague awareness of the existance of breastfeeding. I know the
book that I had from fairly young about "how the body works" had conception
on one page, then pregnancy and the next had a picture of women
breastfeeding, chances are they have done something about it at school and
without having gone into any details, they will have some awareness that
that is how mammals feed there young.

I suppose there are two approaches, one is doing it face to face, bring it
up in conversation as a general baby care issue, "have you thought about
what the baby eats?", "where does the babies milk come from?", talk about it
as if it is the most normal thing in the world, because it is!

I don't think this approach would be a great one for most 13 and 16
year olds. They KNOW where babies come from. They also know, on an
intellectual level, that women produce milk in their breasts.


LOL - right. They'd be pretty put off by anything that sounded like The Big
Talk.

If anything, the tack I'd take, if they seemed suprised or gicked out or
anything like that, would be to smile and say something like "Um, you ARE aware
humans are mammals."

Banty

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

"Frisbee®" wrote in message
reenews.net...
wrote in message
oups.com...
I am about 3 months pregnant and I have 4 stepson's (one away at
college) ages: 13, 13, 16 and 18. The boys reside with my husband and
I on a full-time basis. I have a good relationship with all of the
boys and they were actually quite excited when we told them that we
were going to have a baby (something we've been talking about since we
got married in 2003).

Anyhow, I was hoping that someone out there can offer me some advice
about breastfeeding with older children, specifically boys, around. My
husband isn't entirely supportive of it 'cause he thinks that
breastfeeding is an inconvenience. But I've been reading up and I told
him last night that I want to at least try breastfeeding because I feel
that the benefits highly outweigh the inconveniences. The only thing I
am really worried about is how to talk to the boys about it and/or if I
should consider not breastfeeding for the sake of their comfort because
I am afraid that they might feel weird about it. Of course, those of
you that have teenage boys know how they can be sometimes with sexual
type issues.

I feel like it's a natural thing though and I want to explain to them
the reasons why it's so important that I breastfeed. Of course, I
wouldn't be hanging out exposing myself everywhere but just the same I
want to be considerate of their feelings and am worried there's no real
way to balance the issue.

Any help or advice, especially from someone who may have experience
with a similar situation, is appreciated.

Okay, for what it's worth, here's the opinion of a guy...

I've read a few of the replies in this thread, and while I agree that you
should definitely breastfeed (my wife breast-fed our twins), it should
definitely be done in private.

One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.



Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should their
faulty impression be corrected?

It's sometimes uncomfortable enough for a teenage boy to see his
biological mother breastfeeding, but in the case of mom being step-mom,
the guilt of ogling your own mother's breasts is not there, she's not
related. While I don't think this would mess them up, so to speak, it's
still a pretty good idea to be as discrete about this as possible.

I hope this is taken in the way I intended.

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

wrote:
Thanks for the advice. I COMPLETELY agree with you about everything.
I'm not squeamish about the issue at all, and I know that feeding
your child is what breasts are really for...

But I also know it might be rather difficult to explain that to a 13
yo boy. I certainly want them to know, understand, realize the
intended purpose for breasts and set a good example but I guess I'm
just
afraid because of their age and they're not *my* children.
Unfortunately, society does set a "standard" and "boobs" are a
funny thing that little boys talk about. If they were a bit younger,
or mine, I would have no issue with it. To be honest, I don't really
have any issue with it, I was just wondering how others in the
step-mom role may have dealt with/approached it with their
stepchildren.

Then, of course, I've got to really get my husband on the "same
page" with me so that he can enforce the normalcy that is
breastfeeding and not contribute to the phobia.


But it's not any more difficult to explain to a teenage boy what
breastfeeding is all about, whether he is yours by birth or not. Perhaps
this is obvious, but sit and think about how you'd explain it to him/them if
they were yours by birth. How would you do it, and what words would you
use. Think about what tone you'd take, and how you would explain it, then
pretend that they are all biologically yours, and sit them down and explain
it to them. It's pretty straight forrward. I'd have you and your husband
and all the boys sit down together, and be very straightforward. "Breasts
are a sexual thing in our society, but they are also, first and formost, for
feeding babies. Breasts make milk, and babies feed from them. I'm going to
be breastfeeding the new baby, and you might be uncomfortable with the idea
at first, but you will get used to it, because it is a natural thing. I
will make an effort to be discrete, but at some point you may catch a
glimpse of my skin, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you have any
questions or want to talk about it in more detail, I'd be happy to talk to
you some more. In the meantime, here are some books that talk about
breastfeeding and show some photos. Feel free to look at them. I'm here if
you want to talk."

It's really not that difficult or complicated.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

"Stephanie" wrote in message
news:wgVPg.2937$Se.119@trndny03...
"Frisbee®" wrote in message
reenews.net...
One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.

Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should
their faulty impression be corrected?

Okay, so you're going to tell the teenage boys that they should not become
aroused by seeing your breasts? I seriously doubt that this will reverse
the physical effects. Certainly you can tell them to not ogle, if that's
what you mean. But I doubt you're going to change the fact that it's erotic
to them.

I'm really surprised that nobody seems to be getting my point. Should all
of us men be ashamed of what arouses us? Should teenagers be expected to
control their urges, or seemingly their thoughts?

Will I regret getting into this conversation?

Stay tooned!

(I wonder what my googling wife is thinking of my posts so far.)

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

In article ews.net, Frisbee®
says...


They can certainly choose not to ogle, but since you've never experienced
the raging hormones that most teenage boys experience, I doubt you'd
understand the incredible self-control that would require. I'm not saying
that's right, I am saying it's natural, however.

Yeah right - Ericka (or I, by implication) would not have any clue what having
raging hormones would feel like, it just never came up for people like us...
:-/

I basically agree with you that simple discretion is called for, similar to
pulling on a bathrobe to go from the shower to get a cup of coffee in the
kitchen, but you seem unable to make your point without inserting a lower
extremity into your facial orifice.

Banty

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Frisbee® wrote:

I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother
be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are
life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the
importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're
implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help
avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a
teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her
step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly
some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the
children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people,
or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible.
If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first.

Is that any clearer?

I think so. If you're saying that it would be a
good idea not to walk around half naked breastfeeding at
home in front of the step-sons, I would agree with that.
I interpreted your saying that it should be done "in private"
at home to mean that mom couldn't feed the baby in front
of the step-sons, which I would consider an extreme
and unwarranted requirement. Just saying she ought not
strip down to her skivvies to nurse certainly makes sense.
As far as the arousal issue goes, I think it is
whatever it is. I wouldn't go around being deliberately
provocative, but honestly, if it was a requirement to
avoid anything that might arouse teenaged boys, well, I'm
pretty sure the world would have to come to a screeching
halt ;-) I think at some point, they just have to become
capable of dealing with the realities of everyday life,
which includes step-mom nursing their sibling with some
reasonable degree of discretion. I'm pretty sure they'll
cope.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Frisbee® wrote:
"Stephanie" wrote in message
news:wgVPg.2937$Se.119@trndny03...
"Frisbee®" wrote in message
reenews.net...
One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.

Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should
their faulty impression be corrected?

Okay, so you're going to tell the teenage boys that they should not become
aroused by seeing your breasts?

Don't teenaged boys get aroused by *everything*? That's basically what
most men willing to admit it claim...

I seriously doubt that this will reverse
the physical effects. Certainly you can tell them to not ogle, if that's
what you mean. But I doubt you're going to change the fact that it's erotic
to them.

I'm willing to bet it's more likely to be 'gross' to them than erotic.
(I have a handful of teenage nephews dealing with these raging hormones
right now)



I'm really surprised that nobody seems to be getting my point. Should all
of us men be ashamed of what arouses us? Should teenagers be expected to
control their urges, or seemingly their thoughts?

Not at all. Why should they? They should control their responses to
those urges, but urges themselves? they're natural. I just don't think
it's very likely they're turned on by the site of their step mom
breastfeeding. In fact, it will probably turn them off boobs for awhile.

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Frisbee® wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as
BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to
be directly applied to this particular home situation.

Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?

Best wishes,
Ericka

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Jamie Clark wrote:


But it's not any more difficult to explain to a teenage boy what
breastfeeding is all about, whether he is yours by birth or not. Perhaps
this is obvious, but sit and think about how you'd explain it to him/them if
they were yours by birth. How would you do it, and what words would you
use. Think about what tone you'd take, and how you would explain it, then
pretend that they are all biologically yours, and sit them down and explain
it to them. It's pretty straight forrward. I'd have you and your husband
and all the boys sit down together, and be very straightforward. "Breasts
are a sexual thing in our society, but they are also, first and formost, for
feeding babies. Breasts make milk, and babies feed from them. I'm going to
be breastfeeding the new baby, and you might be uncomfortable with the idea
at first, but you will get used to it, because it is a natural thing. I
will make an effort to be discrete, but at some point you may catch a
glimpse of my skin, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you have any
questions or want to talk about it in more detail, I'd be happy to talk to
you some more. In the meantime, here are some books that talk about
breastfeeding and show some photos. Feel free to look at them. I'm here if
you want to talk."

It's really not that difficult or complicated.

I agree fully with what you said, but I do see a small complication: if
the birthmother is involved in their lives, and doesn't view
breastfeeding in this light, and DOES see it as a sexual thing from
which her boys should be shielded, the step mom discussing this with
HER kids may cause significant problems with her. That may not be a big
deal, but perhaps they wish to avoid complicating further what could
already be a delicate relationship. (I've no idea about the birth mom
here, just offering a possibility). This is further complicated by a
father who is also not on board.

First things first - get dad on board. I agree with others who stated
just do it and let them ask questions then respond. But if you do feel
a discussion is warranted, get dad involved and have him explain to his
sons. I see that as a good learning lesson for them - coming from the
father's perspective, helping them to see how they can be as fathers.

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

OK, so far there's been a lot of good advice. Thank you all! I didn't
realize I was starting such a "popular" thread.

With that said, Of course, I will TRY to be discrete NO MATTER where I
am BF'ing... that is just my nature and personality. Like some have
suggested, no matter how we approach the issue I'm sure there will at
least be a quick moment of awkwardness (even for myself) at first -
which, as everyone gets use to the idea will quickly subside.

Frisbee: I appreciate your input and thoughts. I agree - teenage boys
are horny fellows and they, nor I, can really control how they "feel"
or react to certain situations - but, knowing my boys... they're just
going to be uncomfortable with the breastfeeding more because of "Icky,
that's my step mom" and not because of anything else.

I guess I will probably talk more about it with my husband to help him
see where I am coming from in my desire to BF and why it IS so
important. As for the boys, we'll figure it out I guess... I'm
thinking that I will probably talk, kind of informally, to the 16 yo
first and get him "on board" first and then I will talk to his younger
brothers. I'm not really looking for their approval, just want to give
them a "heads-up" and keep them informed and give them a chance to
voice any questions they may have.. or at least let them know that they
can ask me if they have a legitimate question.

Thanks again all!


Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Frisbee® wrote:

I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the mother
be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are
life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing the
importance only at home and only because of her special situation. You're
implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion to help
avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having once been a
teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most likely be of her
step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many reasons, admitedly
some of them even selfish, but most importantly for the health of the
children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can- avoid offending people,
or in this case, arousing people, one should strive to do so if possible.
If it's not possible, then forget about it. Baby comes first.

Is that any clearer?

I think so. If you're saying that it would be a
good idea not to walk around half naked breastfeeding at
home in front of the step-sons, I would agree with that.
I interpreted your saying that it should be done "in private"
at home to mean that mom couldn't feed the baby in front
of the step-sons, which I would consider an extreme
and unwarranted requirement. Just saying she ought not
strip down to her skivvies to nurse certainly makes sense.
As far as the arousal issue goes, I think it is
whatever it is. I wouldn't go around being deliberately
provocative, but honestly, if it was a requirement to
avoid anything that might arouse teenaged boys, well, I'm
pretty sure the world would have to come to a screeching
halt ;-) I think at some point, they just have to become
capable of dealing with the realities of everyday life,
which includes step-mom nursing their sibling with some
reasonable degree of discretion. I'm pretty sure they'll
cope.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Very good point... well said! I would expect them to deal with it if
they ran into it in public...

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Frisbee® wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far as
BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is meant to
be directly applied to this particular home situation.

Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?

Best wishes,
Ericka

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article ews.net,
Frisbee®
says...


They can certainly choose not to ogle, but since you've never experienced
the raging hormones that most teenage boys experience, I doubt you'd
understand the incredible self-control that would require. I'm not saying
that's right, I am saying it's natural, however.

Yeah right - Ericka (or I, by implication) would not have any clue what
having
raging hormones would feel like, it just never came up for people like
us...
:-/

I basically agree with you that simple discretion is called for, similar
to
pulling on a bathrobe to go from the shower to get a cup of coffee in the
kitchen, but you seem unable to make your point without inserting a lower
extremity into your facial orifice.

If'n I could do that, I'd be way too busy to post here :-) (I knew what you
meant)

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Frisbee® wrote:

I'm not imposing any restrictions. I am merely suggesting that the
mother be as discrete as possible. It's not like the consequences are
life-threatening if she can't be discrete, and again, I am emphasizing
the importance only at home and only because of her special situation.
You're implying I'm a hippocrate. I am merely offering some suggestion
to help avoid some potentially uncomfortable situations because having
once been a teenage boy, I can anticipate what the reaction will most
likely be of her step-sons. I am 100% behind breast-feeding, for many
reasons, admitedly some of them even selfish, but most importantly for
the health of the children. Yet at the same time, whenever one -can-
avoid offending people, or in this case, arousing people, one should
strive to do so if possible. If it's not possible, then forget about it.
Baby comes first.

Is that any clearer?

I think so. If you're saying that it would be a
good idea not to walk around half naked breastfeeding at
home in front of the step-sons, I would agree with that.
I interpreted your saying that it should be done "in private"
at home to mean that mom couldn't feed the baby in front
of the step-sons, which I would consider an extreme
and unwarranted requirement. Just saying she ought not
strip down to her skivvies to nurse certainly makes sense.
As far as the arousal issue goes, I think it is
whatever it is. I wouldn't go around being deliberately
provocative, but honestly, if it was a requirement to
avoid anything that might arouse teenaged boys, well, I'm
pretty sure the world would have to come to a screeching
halt ;-) I think at some point, they just have to become
capable of dealing with the realities of everyday life,
which includes step-mom nursing their sibling with some
reasonable degree of discretion. I'm pretty sure they'll
cope.

I think we're much closer to being on the same page now, thanks.

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

"cjra" wrote in message
ps.com...

Frisbee® wrote:
"Stephanie" wrote in message
news:wgVPg.2937$Se.119@trndny03...
"Frisbee®" wrote in message
reenews.net...
One reply highlighted that breast-feeding is not sexual. While you are
correct in that statement, these are teenage boys who are NOT
blood-related to "step-mom." It -will- be sexual to them.

Should they be taught by implication that they are correct? Or should
their faulty impression be corrected?

Okay, so you're going to tell the teenage boys that they should not become
aroused by seeing your breasts?

:Don't teenaged boys get aroused by *everything*? That's basically what
:most men willing to admit it claim...

Yes, in fact that pretty much carries thoughout our lives. In fact, I'm
strangely turned-on by your reply! (j/k of course)

I seriously doubt that this will reverse
the physical effects. Certainly you can tell them to not ogle, if that's
what you mean. But I doubt you're going to change the fact that it's
erotic
to them.

:I'm willing to bet it's more likely to be 'gross' to them than erotic.
:(I have a handful of teenage nephews dealing with these raging hormones
:right now)

The act of nursing itself, yes. Probably is to a majority of teens, and
most men. The exposure of nekkid boobs? No, that's not gross unless they
have an alternative sexual preference.

I'm really surprised that nobody seems to be getting my point. Should all
of us men be ashamed of what arouses us? Should teenagers be expected to
control their urges, or seemingly their thoughts?

:Not at all. Why should they? They should control their responses to
:those urges, but urges themselves? they're natural.

Well put, thanks.


:I just don't think
:it's very likely they're turned on by the site of their step mom
:breastfeeding. In fact, it will probably turn them off boobs for awhile.


Well, if step-mom is (or looks like) Nichole Kidman, Terri Hatcher, or some
other hawt person, the opposite might happen. Yeah, seeing my step-mom (who
I didn't live with) in this situation might have scarred me for life, heh.

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Frisbee® wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far
as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is
meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation.

Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?

I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express myself
clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose.

I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think most
BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might not try to be
as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the KIDS should treat the
situations differently, but that perhaps the mother (in this case) should.
In public, the child might see some "skin" of a total stranger, someone he
is not likely to see again. At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's
going to be seeing a lot of her (no pun intended).

Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my hole
even deeper?

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

wrote in message
ups.com...
Frisbee: I appreciate your input and thoughts. I agree - teenage boys
are horny fellows and they, nor I, can really control how they "feel"
or react to certain situations - but, knowing my boys... they're just
going to be uncomfortable with the breastfeeding more because of "Icky,
that's my step mom" and not because of anything else.

Whew, I am SO GLAD that you, the OP, did not take any offense at my reply as
it would seem some did. I assure you all that I am not trolling, and have
been sincere, although apparently inept at expressing my thoughts and
ideas...

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

Frisbee® wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Frisbee® wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home. As far
as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that. My point is
meant to be directly applied to this particular home situation.
Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?

I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express myself
clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose.

I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think most
BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might not try to be
as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the KIDS should treat the
situations differently, but that perhaps the mother (in this case) should.
In public, the child might see some "skin" of a total stranger, someone he
is not likely to see again. At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's
going to be seeing a lot of her (no pun intended).

Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my hole
even deeper?

Hey, far be it from me to try to send anyone packing ;-)
For myself, I wasn't any more or less discreet at home than
in public when it came to breastfeeding, so I suppose I
didn't think of someone being discreet in public and baring
it all at home. To me, it wasn't any less convenient to
be discreet, so I'm not sure why I would have. So, any
teenagers around the house wouldn't have been exposed to
anything more than passers by in public would have been
exposed to, hence my confusion.
Also, speaking as a mother of sons, I think part
of my job is to send my sons into the world capable of
dealing with things like women breastfeeding. Despite
the issues you raise, I really do think that the nursing
would become old hat fairly quickly. Babies have a way
of making that happen ;-)
As an aside, while I don't think indiscreet public
breastfeeding is a good idea (particularly since it gets
some people too riled up and anti-breastfeeding), there
was a woman at my son's dance studio years ago who had
absolutely no inhibitions about breastfeeding (she wasn't
US-born). She'd be wearing a little sundress and would
just drop the whole top of the dress to nurse, and
hardly noticed if her babe pulled off and left her
exposed for some time before she noticed. While most
of the folks around were women (usually moms waiting
while dance class was going on), there were also men
and boys around. As far as I could tell, while some
folks raised an eyebrow, not a single person wigged
out over it. Folks just went about their business.
I didn't think her actions were appropriate, but I
am heartened to see that others' reactions weren't
over the top.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's
 

"Frisbee®" wrote in message
reenews.net...
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Frisbee® wrote:

I should note that I was referring ONLY to the situation at home.
As far as BF in public, screw the people that can't handle that.
My point is meant to be directly applied to this particular home
situation.

Oops, I forgot to mention--this sort of seems like an
odd dichotomy to me. The boys should be expected to deal with
the sight of someone else nursing in public, but not with the
sight of their step-mother nursing at home? I'm a little
confused about that. Why the difference?

I can see what you mean, and I guess I still can't seem to express
myself clearly. This is why I never became a writer, I suppose.

I was speaking from the mother's point-of-view, I think. I think
most BF-ing mothers would try to be discrete in public, but might
not try to be as much at home. I did not mean to imply that the
KIDS should treat the situations differently, but that perhaps the
mother (in this case) should. In public, the child might see some
"skin" of a total stranger, someone he is not likely to see again.
At home, he's seen step-mom's skin, and he's going to be seeing a
lot of her (no pun intended).

Does that make any sense? Or should I just shut up before I dig my
hole even deeper?

I have to say that even when I was breast-feeding completely alone and
in private, there was generally very little to see. I would pull up
my t-shirt (never bothered with maternity shirts) just enough to allow
access, and because of the way I was holding the baby, it would have
been difficult to see any skin at all. I wasn't doing this on purpose
or for reasons of modesty, it's just what was easiest and most
convenient for me. More is likely exposed with buttoned shirts, but I
must not have been wearing many of those.....

What I'm getting at is that the mom can nurse relatively privately
with no extra effort required. I really think this is going to turn
out to be a non-issue in the long run. Most likely everybody will
feel a little awkward for the first week or so, and then they'll all
get over it.

Bizby