Will I be like my mom?? (Hugs)
Ok, first I would like to state that I am very much not trying to come off as a whiny adult child, but if I am let me know :)
So I am currently pregnant and due in October with my first child at 29. I have had medial support emotionally but I'm ok with it. I am not with the father of the child (dated for 8 years; bad situation, I got out...end of story). But like I said I've been pretty ok with everything. I have lived a lot to say the least (a drug problem and a few psyc issues but they have been resolved). Ok so there is brief background, now to the real issue. I have tried to ask my mother some things about pregnancy, and she never really talks about it (or anything else for that matter) with me. But I get lots of outside support, so it kind of makes up for it. Our relationship has been strained for years, but I have been trying very hard to repair it. But here the thing that is bothering me... I can never remember her hugging me or telling me she loves me. I know she does and I know our relationship has been null due to my own action for the bast 10 years. But even before that I do t remember any type of affection. I don't expect it from my dad because that's how his family was. But I see them loving on younger siblings and it hurts me. I desire it so bad from her and for at least 20 yrs and no amount of trying to ask all the way to begging can get it. I feel it in me that I will love on my child always and am looking forward to it, but also frightened that I may turn out like my mom with him some how. I am fine for a few month but every now and then I will get angry with her for. It giving me the affection I want so bad. Question is what should I do? Or is there really anything I can do? ( I don't think there is and I need to resolve it in myself, which has proven to be not completely successful so far) Long, but I'm concerned :/ Thank in advance to all responses |
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