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My life... (A rant... anyone willing to read and offer any type of advice??)
xkatx wrote: Well, I really don't know - or, maybe, for once, I really do know... Saturday... Sucked. Norm went to 'work' but as usual, nothing but a lie. Came home at his convenience, bla bla bla. We ended up getting into a fairly heated argument about lying and trust and all that, and then to cut that short, 8am Sunday morning, it's like he's watching the clock and takes off downstairs. I ended up getting up with him, as I find I always do no matter what, and almost instantly, he's outside dicking around with his pos bike 'fixing' it... B was off at my parents' place since Saturday afternoon (spent the night there) and A was still fast asleep. I figured she wouldn't be up until close to 10, as we had a fairly late night the night before... I then suggested we go upstairs, maybe a nice hot shower and then crawl back into bed. He tells me that sounds like a fine idea and he's done with the bike, go start the shower, he'll be right up. I start the shower and wait about 5 minutes and guess who's not there? I run downstairs back out to the yard to see if he's going to be a while - no sense leaving the shower run if he figures he's going to be at the bike for another 10 or 15 minutes... He's gone. As if I didn't know this, though, because I did. I had a feeling that morning since 8am when he magically woke up before 11am. So, I head back upstairs, get in the shower and have a nice hot shower. I was thinking (although I didn't believe it) that maybe he just went to the gas station to fill the bike's tires up as he had mentioned the day before, or maybe he was just taking the bike out for a quick spin. As if I really believed that though. All Sunday, MIA, as usual. Doesn't come home, doesn't call, nothing. He left his bank card with me the night before, so later Sunday afternoon I hit Walmart and get diapers and all that - stuff he knew we needed. Fairly uneventful afternoon and evening, and I had a pretty good sleep... Woke up once to visit the washroom and... 6am Monday morning, I wake up when the phone rings, thinking it better be an emergency for someone to wake me up half an hour-45 minutes before I have to wake up to get B off to school... It's the boss. Ha. He asks if Norm's up and about yet - he's on his way. I simply said I have no idea if Norm's up, although I doubt he would be. Obviously confused, the boss is wondering what I mean. I, for the first time, didn't lie or cover for Norm, as I have in the past - oh, he's sick this morning... He was up all night sick... Whatever. This time, I simply said I have no idea where he is, I really don't care where he is, he took off 9am on Sunday and hasn't been seen or heard from since. I did apologize to the boss, but whatever. Not my business, problem or concern. The boss sounded fairly ripped with his, "F*ck, whatever. Thanks." I told him I'd pass along a message should I hear from Norm, which I also told him I doubted I would. So, Norm's got the maturity level of a bag of shelled peanuts. Didn't even have the respect or decency to call his boss and even say something like, "Man, I'm so sorry, ****'s hit the fan and I just need a bit of time... I just need a day or two (or however long) to get things back in order..." or, "I hate to do this to you, but I'm staying at this address... Would you be able to pick me up from there for work?" Even, "Gee, I'm not at home right now and I am going to be walking/taking the bus/riding a bike to work, so I might be a bit later if it takes me a bit longer to get there, but I will be at work." Nothing. Didn't call the boss, didn't care that he knows the boss would be calling the house when he was on his way in the morning. Oh, duh, I'm not even there! Maybe I'll avoid wasting HIS time and having him call and wake the house up at 6am! So, anyways, obviously didn't go to work on Monday. Monday night, we had my brother's birthday... We were supposed to go over there for dinner... I called my brother earlier in the afternoon to wish him a quick happy birthday, and he asked who's all coming... I told him I would be coming with the kids... Who else would be coming? He asked if Norm was going to make it (seems my brother really does like him and they seem to get along real well) and I felt horrible, but my bro sounded a bit hurt, almost, when he asked about Norm and I told my brother that Norm most likely won't be there, as I haven't a clue where he is, and I'm not going to beg him to come to the birthday, obviously... Anyways, birthday went just fine, until about 530 or so when my dad hears there's a voice mail on my cell... My dad heard my diaper bag talking to him as he walked in the door, and I saw I had a message... I saw it was Norm's mom calling, and since the day before I had called her to ask her for a phone number, I thought maybe she was getting back to me once she got home from work. No, I didn't have the brains to check the message first, I just picked up my mom's phone and called her back. It was Norm. I told him right up I was sorry I called, I had thought maybe it was his mom returning my call. He said he left me a message, and he wants his money and his bank card, and he wants it now. Sorry about your luck, hon, but I'm on the other side of the city, and the steaks are done and we are all sitting down to eat... Then there's cake and presents as well, sucks to be you. He just keeps bitching about his money (that I took almost all of it out to get diapers and pay the rent and all that)... Anyways, I eventually check my voice mail, and he leaves a nasty message of how he expects I will be dropping his bank card and money off at his mom's house, but he will not be there when I drop it off. I ended up talking to him for a little, asking him if all he really cares about is his bloody bank card and money, and I told him I was not going to drop everything to bring him his card. He knows where my mom lives, he knows where we live. I told him I am NOT going to run around the city chasing after him at his every call, since the last time we did that 4 months ago, B was seriously injured and coulda, shoulda, woulda, we all could have been dead. During the phone conversation, about 15 minutes long, he calms down and becomes human again. He tells me to call him back 'when I'm done' - I told him if he wants to talk to me, HE can call me. He knows our phone number, he knows the cell number. HE can call, and I told him to call. Any time after 8 when the cell is free to call and talk on. He said he'd call right around 8pm that night. Did he call? Of course not! Did I expect him to call? Do you really think I'm still that stupid?? So, that brings us to today, Tuesday. To date, he has yet to call. He has yet to show up or anything like that. Do I really care? Not really, but maybe a bit... I was talking to a girl friend last night, and then again this morning, and we had a good talk. I decided I was going to swallow my pride. I went down, this morning, to the damned welfare office and made an appointment. At this point, no one is going to hire me to work. I'm sick of Norm coming and going as he pleases, having everything on HIS terms. For the next little while, I am going to swallow my pride and get help and get back on my feet. Show him I don't *need* him for us to survive. At least for a while, I'll have that small bit of security that rent will get paid... Bills won't pile up, food will be on the table for meals, there will be diapers... I came home, around 1115am, and I see there's a few messages left for me on M$N... All from guess who! He said something along the lines of, "I really don't know what to say" - "I miss the kids" - "I miss you :'(" (something like that) I replied back, simply, that I can't tell him what to say or what he should say. I miss him too, and both the kids surely miss him, but this is nothing new. You know how to contact me, and all it takes is a phone call if you just want to touch base. I'm not in the mood to fight or make demands. He didn't reply, and come 6ish when his mom gets home from work, he was logged off and she signed in. No more him since the morning. No calls, again, even when I was gone, no more messages or anything. MIA, as usual. I then talked to my mom a bit earlier, and after a few minutes, she then told me I should be going down to the welfare place. I didn't tell her earlier today I already had, I said I would do this tomorrow. The good thing that she said, and that I had already thought of, was I would then not need to try and fight maintenance enforcement. Welfare will do that dirty work for me. I also need to get the maintenance for B upped - he's getting damn expensive - and get something in place for A. Welfare will do both of those things, and they will do it faster and more efficiently, and I should just be able to wait it out. With B's maintenance payments raised and with something in order for A, bye bye to welfare... I believe I could make it on that alone (this is assuming something can be changed, and hopefully go for the max amount) until I can get back in school and working, which I definitely plan to do, but obviously can't really consider just yet. So anyways, that brings me to where I am right now. Sure, I feel so tired of everything, and yes, I do love the jerk, although I do not love the jerkish things he does. As of now, I've had a lot of time to sit and think... Where am I? Where should I be? Where do I want to be? How do I make it work for me, and the kids? Right now, I have it all planned - but then again, when do plans ever really pan out exactly how you want and like them to??? He's gone. I made that clear to him on Monday. I don't want or need him back here, and he can now take some time to decide what he wants. He can see and do what it takes for him to make his own decisions like a big boy. If that takes 2 months, fine. If it takes 6 months, fine. If it never happens, well, at least I will know that, and there's no reason for this crap to happen. It doesn't do anyone any good at all. Let him go, set him free. I need it, he needs it. Everyone needs that right now more than ever. This time, though, it's going to be on MY terms. He's going to have to prove anything he says, because, quite frankly, I'm not going to buy his bs stories any more. I'm not going to give him my trust - he's lost it one time now too many, and trust is something he now has to earn back and he has to prove he wants and needs. I'm going to play it safe. I am thinking I'll just lay low and see where things go. Now, let's just say for argument's sake, he stays gone for oh, 3 months (keep it simple). He does everything he can to gain and earn and keep trust... Maybe he drops by to visit with the kids, and even me, maybe has supper but goes wherever his home may be at the time... He helps put the kids to bed, maybe we watch some TV, both get tired and he heads off home. He goes to work every day and doesn't blow money - on stupid things, video games, booze, drugs, eating out at restaurants every day - just becomes more responsible in the sensible way... Provides money to help with life - maybe swings by with some groceries for all of us to have supper and a bag of diapers... This goes on for some time, things (obviously best case scenario) seem to be great. He calls when he says he'll call, he shows up when he says he'll come visit, he'll take the kids to the part when he promises them that, whatever... Then, I guess, see how it goes... Maybe things will change and almost be like a new start. Keep in mind, best case scenario... Maybe consider some individual councilling, maybe try the couples one or maybe even a family therapist of some sort... Is this kind of expectation unrealistic? Is it possible for things to be downright horrible, yet saved somehow? I just think best case scenario is he pulls his socks up and grows up. Worst case scenario is he doesn't, but at least we'll be out of it all and don't have constant **** to dig out of all the time. Middle ground would be he turns out to be an awesome part time dad - like if we just keep to being civil and loving and not really together. For now, I said, this is a break. He said he agreed. I had told him straight up that I am NOT and I will not be looking for someone else, someone better, someone new - this is the truth. He told me he would never do that either and that he misses me and does love me, but right now, things aren't good - I did agree, and that is one thing I do trust him on. I do see this is a fairly bad situation, maybe even closer to being bad bad situation, but... Do you think this *might* stand some chance of turning out just fine with time? Am I (or even we) approaching this in a way that is any worse than the way things currently seem to be, and even clearly are? Am I setting things up for a major disaster or is there that chance that's still there? I'm so sorry about whats happening with you at home. My hope is that it will all sort itself out without hassel and you will keep that love and affection you have together. I don't think I can offer any sound advice, our relationships are based on love, and we can love in lots of different ways and for different reasons. When I was breaking up from long friendship can be awful enough, but when you have children to someone its like having a part of yourself go and leave you. I remember reading that falling in love is deepest lasts for about 4 or 5 months, then gradually you get to know one another for what they are. I think you can reverse that too, it takes at very least 5 months getting out of love and back into getting used to yourself again. If you can still keep the friendship together through that turmoil, I think it can form a good foundation to build on. But saying this, that didnt happen with my ex-hus - no matter how I tried, no matter what I did, and I can't understand why he didn't have the same philosophy as me. I mean, if you go out with someone and have a baby with, you must of liked them, so there must be something there, sad to say, this does not happen with all people. A man will fight for custody and drag you through the dirt rather than pay up if he loves his cash and doesnt want to see you spending it. If he or she is particularly vicious, they will drag your name and your friends the same way and do what they can rather than see you get up, dust yourself off and begin again. Your separation doesn't seem like its revenge based. You're a great Mom, I have no idea whats going on in that head of his, maybe its the baby? I hope that he'll have a turnaround for you, maybe the call of twinkly lights and barmaids inflatable bras have soothed a fear of maturity and responsibility?, kinda 'Oh **** I'm gonna end up like me ol Pa!' syndrome? - this is only temporary - ;/ Although saying that, with B I knew he had a crush on a woman 10 yrs older than me, and due to work and social he saw a lot of her. She had 2 grown up children too. Anyway one night I insisted he take me out and I knew she'd there. I was about 5 months pregnant. I clung scared and close to B and nearly shat myself thinking that I had to tell this other woman to keep her claws off my man. The bar went quiet, I looked her straight in the eyes and said ....., right?. luv Miri |
My life... (A rant... anyone willing to read and offer any type of advice??)
xkatx wrote: "Bev" wrote in message ps.com... xkatx wrote: Well, I really don't know - or, maybe, for once, I really do know... snipped for space I do see this is a fairly bad situation, maybe even closer to being bad bad situation, but... Do you think this *might* stand some chance of turning out just fine with time? Am I (or even we) approaching this in a way that is any worse than the way things currently seem to be, and even clearly are? Am I setting things up for a major disaster or is there that chance that's still there? Kat, I have been busy , very busy drowning in lifes wonderful ups and downs. I was sure I am having the toughest time than anyone until I read your "life". I'm older maybe by ...oh 10 , 15 , er maybe even 20 years LOL! Heh... I read it all before responding, and it looks like I'm right between your girls' ages! You sound like a strong and level headed young woman. What you explain you are going through with Norm sounds familiar to me. about 20 years ago I left my then husband with a five year old and six weeks later found out I was pregnant again from an incident that was not consentual and the reason I left him that morning. It was very hard , very lonely, and the best decision I ever made for myself and children. To this day he is still drinking, and has emotionally hurt our children and still does. I think for me, this is the best decision I can make right now, and no matter what the outcome is, it will be better. If nothing changes, at least we're out of a crappy situation. If things straighten up and change, I do believe that this is the only way that will make a change possible. Either way, the problems are no longer directly involved over here on such a regular basis. I know the struggles you are feeling with that Norm is a great guy when he is clean and sober and this is the man you Love, not the guy he becomes when he falls. The problem doesn't seem to be when he's around. It's when he's not around. Lately, it's that he just comes and goes as he sees fit for him. He takes off for days and does whatever he wants. He blows all the money, and then when he feels like coming back, the only months we struggle with bills and money are those months when he dicks off for a weekend or few days. I see the pattern, and that's not fair or right. He's not a huge drinker. He never was. It's just he will go and get drunk when someone asks or mentions it. Then he takes off and disappears and does his own thing. With the pot, which IS a major problem, that's the same story, but kind of different. I have no problem with drinking, as long as you do it responsibly. Not drunk around kids, not drinking and driving, not blowing money on it all the time. The only problem with pot that I have is bringing it into the house and it being around my kids OR coming around the kids right after. THAT I do have a problem with. I don't want it in the house and I do not want it, in any shape or form, around the kids ever. I, personally, know that there's a lot of pot smokers out in the world. I will and admit now that I've done it on occasion, but those 'on occasion' times are when I have no children to be around. A weekend rolls around and the kids go sleep over at my parents' place. It's 11pm, the kids have been in bed for hours and will sleep until the morning, I've gone out for a quick smoke and come in the house, had a hot shower and went to sleep. That case hasn't been often, and it's not something I would ever do often enough, but in the case of no kids for the night? Hell yea, I've been there, done that. He seems to see it as just fiine to be high as a kite at 2pm when the kids are playing or whatever the case may be. NOT at all right as far as I see it. He's not crazy, violent, mean, anything like that, it's just the whole idea of it. Most times when we are young we make our decisions from our hearts although our heads are saying something else. My heart kept me with the clean and sober guy I loved,until the "other" guy finally convinced my head that my child and I were not safe when he was around. It is easy for people to tell us what they think we should do, but until we are ready in our own hearts and heads to make a change we continue to have an internal war of "what if " and "maybe" he/she will change. Now is when I want and need a change. I'm past the point of enough is enough. I have a 25 year old daughter and an 18 and a half year old daughter, I know I can not prevent them from having to learn on their own sometimes, I do voice my "experienced" opinion, maybe sometimes even when they do not want it, but 9 times outta 10 they come back and say "I wish I had listened to your advice". That's usually the way it is ;) My step daughter (34 years old) will be marrying her "alcoholic" fiancee on July 1st, I have tried to talk to her, long before marriage even came into play, she acknowledges/(enables) his illness and has chosen to stay in the life that I am watching her children suffer. I wish she could understand the damaging effects that alcoholism has on children. I do see the crap that's going on over here. Slightly different experiences, yet same ****, different pile in the long run. Her three year old has stomped to death a hampster, she didn't even so much as call her doctor about what he did and the little boy when asked "why did you do that" stated "to see its guts". OMG. That's kind of scary. Poor hamster and even poor kid. Her 14 year old is raging, hitting on his 10 year old sister , punching walls, sleeping in the middle of the day, screaming obcentities, outbursts of crying, has told me all his mom and her fiancee do is yell scream and fight , he does not want her to marry him or live with him , he is afraid being in his own home. What I see is she is choosing this man over her children's health and well being, I suggested she get her children help immediately, I am considering doing more than just suggesting because I do not think she hears me. No, it seems we don't want to hear it until we're ready to admit and see it. That's pretty much how every person seems to work one way or the other. I guess what I am trying to say is that the children must come first, and even though we may think they are too young to be affected by it, they really are, even infants .Three year olds killing small mammmals should have had a much more important reaction than "he didn't mean it" and ignore it. My step daughter is still thinking with her heart about her partner, not her head and the damage to her children is showing itself. You are making a very responsible choice to remove yourself and children into a safer environment. Please keep thinking with your head with Norm and let him know you are prepared to go it yourself rather than subject your children to it. He needs to get help for his inability to stay clean and sober and responsible to you and the children. Good luck and stand tall ! Bev snip He needs to grow up. That's all there is to it. Needs to be a big boy and make grown up, big boy decisions. Granted, he could be scared, or something, but that is not an excuse. Him taking off and doing as he wishes is not going to make things better. I, still, have an appointment at the damned welfare office today at 3. I am going there. I really don't care. I'll jump through their small hoops of fire. I don't care if people will look down on me, and they can think whatever they want. I see, in a lot of ways, that I have put myself in this position, but I also know I didn't do it on my own. To be honest, B and I were like a team together. He came and then A, and that was good. I made it just fine on my own, with B, for so long. I was getting gov't help when B was first born, but the next September, when he was about 7 months old, I went to school and I survived on student grants and loans. Never went back into the computers in the system since then. I went to school, then I worked. We did fine. Then I stopped working and I stayed home with the kids. Norm worked. Again, we did just fine. Now I sat thinking last night, and I really do not want this next baby. I don't want it at all. I have B and A and that seems to be enough, almost. I wonder if there's something wrong with me, but I just sit in a position where I really don't want a baby as well. This is going to put me in a position where I'm not going to be able to work or anything. A can go to daycare any time now. I could go back to work, but who is going to hire me? Then finding child care for 3 kids and making enough money? OMG... I don't even want to think about that... The good thing is, though, at least I can get some help. It puts me in a situation where I can at least give someone my big, huge sob story and get all the help I need for as long as I need... I can't keep going on like this... I've noticed I've lost all my patience. I snap and find I shout over something small, and that's not fair to anyone, and it needs to stop NOW. I have that appointment in 2 hours. I am not going to miss it. I'll do what they want and how they want, and soon enough, we should be doing alright. I told Norm about this appointment and my intentions. I know he knows that maintenance will be on his case, and he knows what that means for him. I really don't care about that. I know when things settle down, everything will be easier and better. Nothing can really get worse, it can only get better, and I'm going to make sure of that! Kat, The "system" is there for people that truly need asistance and I know the people that abuse it are to blame for the way others feel about someone using the system. Cases like yours and indeed mine and yes I did also depend on the "welfare system" to get me on my feet. I hated it because of the way people looked at me in the grocery store buying food w/ food stamps. I really didn't need the judgement from people that didn't know anything at all about why I was buying food with food stamps. I can imagine how this pregnancy is weighing on your mind, it only seems to be a bigger worry now because your partner has bailed on you. You are strong enough to make it through , for now just concern yourself with getting the aid in place and taking care of you , your pregnancy, and your children. I am glad to hear Norm binges away from home, but the using is still a financial bomb as well as drug and alcohol use destroys families, brain cells, and the abandonment you and the children go through just is not fair. I hope he gets his head outta his you know what and becomes the person you and the children need to keep a safe and happy home. If not you have done the right thing for yourself and children to cut him loose. These things are never easy and it will take some time for you to be able to get back to work and all, don't beat yourself up about getting the help that is out there , you need the help so you can keep your family safe. When I was younger I had the same carefree attitude about using , thought the rules made to not use around the kids blah blah was being responsible, I learned the hard way that we were only kidding ourselves, the true reality was we were screwing up our own heads and the kids took the fall later for it. I have had my time with self medicating , I believe in another post you mention Norms addmission to having "Issues" to work through.....indeed his use and self medicating and irresponsible behaviors very well could be a direct result of his own trauma, the good thing is that he can verbalise and recognise it, you could support his seeking therapy and rehab. I strongly do not believe the no using around the children rule is what he , you or the children need. Addiction is addiction using mind altering substances is dangerous. Have you or norm thought about the what if one day/night one of your children needs blood or something you or Norm could give to save their lives and what having drugs in your system would mean? Responsibly you would have to tell the health professionals about your drug use .....will they report it to the child protective agency? See these are the things we are not thinking about when we choose to use even if it were just pot...Do you really want to put that into your child? I am certainly not judging please do not think I am, I was there once in my life and I was/am no better and certainly not guilt free. I didn't think about it either when I was in my 20's, not a bad thought to put in his mind though to help him see how important it is for him to clean up his act. You are making the right choices and much of what he has to do he has to want to do himself, don't give up on what you know to be right for you and the kids. Bev |
My life... (A rant... anyone willing to read and offer any type of advice??)
"Bev" wrote in message oups.com... xkatx wrote: "Bev" wrote in message ps.com... snipped 'cause it's too long Nothing can really get worse, it can only get better, and I'm going to make sure of that! Kat, The "system" is there for people that truly need asistance and I know the people that abuse it are to blame for the way others feel about someone using the system. I almost have the thought that I'm going to be abusing things. It's more than likely just my pride not wanting to bend and admit to myself that things are ****. They are, I see it, and I do admit it to myself, but I really don't want to admit it to everyone and announce it to the world (if I kind of already haven't done that! lol) Cases like yours and indeed mine and yes I did also depend on the "welfare system" to get me on my feet. I hated it because of the way people looked at me in the grocery store buying food w/ food stamps. I really didn't need the judgement from people that didn't know anything at all about why I was buying food with food stamps. There was a time, when I was not on any welfare or anything, that I can't exactly remember the situation, but I recall it was at the grocery store and I must have been getting some groceries. The lady, I recall, had said something to me about how tough it must be to be a young mom, but luckily there's the welfare system to help out young moms who need it. I know there was nothing to make a person just outwardly assume I was sitting on welfare - I wasn't - and I was fairly offended by this wench's comment. Now, the welfare scenario is going to be true, and I know I won't be able to get mad, I'll most likely have to hang my head in shame. That's one thing I'm not looking forward to... I can imagine how this pregnancy is weighing on your mind, it only seems to be a bigger worry now because your partner has bailed on you. You are strong enough to make it through , for now just concern yourself with getting the aid in place and taking care of you , your pregnancy, and your children. I seem to be pretty good during the day... Come evening, though, I feel so down and depressed like I haven't for probably 3 years now. If I'm not down at the computer once the kids are asleep, I'm just laying on the bed staring up into space not really thinking of anything. I have really nothing to fill my mind. It's not like I can just hop up and go out to fill the time and my mind. No one really calls much anymore, and I actually don't mind. I haven't picked up the phone at all today, even though I think it only rang 3 or 4 different times. I didn't even check who was calling, nor did I really care. No messages left, so I assumed it wasn't an emergency. I am glad to hear Norm binges away from home, but the using is still a financial bomb as well as drug and alcohol use destroys families, brain cells, and the abandonment you and the children go through just is not fair. Apparently it's fair to him. I guess what's not fair is us maybe tying him down? But, again, it's not like this is all brand new for him. It's not like he's 17 or 18 years old anymore. It's not at all like any of this was a big accident or unexpected. Far from a surprise, so I really don't know. I hope he gets his head outta his you know what and becomes the person you and the children need to keep a safe and happy home. If not you have done the right thing for yourself and children to cut him loose. These things are never easy and it will take some time for you to be able to get back to work and all, don't beat yourself up about getting the help that is out there , you need the help so you can keep your family safe. Head out of his ass, you mean? What do you do if your head IS your rear end, or at least it sure seems to be? Whatever way it all turns out, I don't see that there's much choice in what I should have done. I really do feel like I have been left with very little choice. I do believe I was given the only choice, and I made that choice. Works for me, AFAIC. When I was younger I had the same carefree attitude about using , thought the rules made to not use around the kids blah blah was being responsible, I learned the hard way that we were only kidding ourselves, the true reality was we were screwing up our own heads and the kids took the fall later for it. I have had my time with self medicating , I believe in another post you mention Norms addmission to having "Issues" to work through.....indeed his use and self medicating and irresponsible behaviors very well could be a direct result of his own trauma, the good thing is that he can verbalise and recognise it, you could support his seeking therapy and rehab. I strongly do not believe the no using around the children rule is what he , you or the children need. Addiction is addiction using mind altering substances is dangerous. Have you or norm thought about the what if one day/night one of your children needs blood or something you or Norm could give to save their lives and what having drugs in your system would mean? Responsibly you would have to tell the health professionals about your drug use .....will they report it to the child protective agency? See these are the things we are not thinking about when we choose to use even if it were just pot...Do you really want to put that into your child? I am certainly not judging please do not think I am, I was there once in my life and I was/am no better and certainly not guilt free. I didn't think about it either when I was in my 20's, not a bad thought to put in his mind though to help him see how important it is for him to clean up his act. You are making the right choices and much of what he has to do he has to want to do himself, don't give up on what you know to be right for you and the kids. Bev I don't see any point in reasoning with him. Whenever I've said something about whatever, and gave a reason, he's always looked at it like I'm throwing out random, stupid, illogical excuses at him. To be completely honest, I could handle and deal with the once in a blue moon thing. All the time or even often-quite often, no. |
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