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Incessant, relentless talking and needing constant attention.
My partner two girls, 4 and 2 years old. The 2 year old almost looks
after herself and amuses herself endlessly with whatever can be found around. The 4 year old is relentless in her need for attention. She constantly has to be talking, commentating on everything, interrupting etc. Even her internal thought process is entirely verbalised. How can we help her to find pleasure in silence now and again? It's exhausting just to listen to her! I can imagine people reading this thinking that such talking should be encouraged, but I've spent a lot of time with different children (mum was a child minder), and this is really something else. Brien |
How can we help her to find pleasure in silence now and again? It's
exhausting just to listen to her! My mom says I used to be like that - she would just tell me she was tired of listening to me and to go talk in my room. And I would. I don't remember that so I don't think it was too tramatizing for me not to have everyone hanging on every word. Give her a timer...say she can talk you this long and then she has to do somethign else. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
On Mon, 20 Dec 2004 08:22:22 +0000, Brien wrote:
My partner two girls, 4 and 2 years old. The 2 year old almost looks after herself and amuses herself endlessly with whatever can be found around. The 4 year old is relentless in her need for attention. She constantly has to be talking, commentating on everything, interrupting etc. Even her internal thought process is entirely verbalised. How can we help her to find pleasure in silence now and again? It's exhausting just to listen to her! I can imagine people reading this thinking that such talking should be encouraged, but I've spent a lot of time with different children (mum was a child minder), and this is really something else. Get a timer, and use it! One of my boys was like this, but in smaller doses. What I did was plan out the next hour or so with him. "Let's cuddle on the couch for 20 minutes and you can tell me about school today, then I have to get dinner started. While the potatoes are in the oven, we can play Uno until the timer goes off. Be sure that she has 100% of your attention when it's supposed to be "her" time, and that way you can teach her to respect "your" time or "reading" time or "quiet" time or whatever as well. lm |
Did this personality begin when the little sister came on board? Maybe
the older one feels the need for competition for attention? Have you treated the little one more special? I have heard that such talking should be encouraged, too. I'm not sure I'd discourage it. Perhaps, make sure there's one-on-one time without the little sister around so the older one is more satisfied. Maybe things will iron out when the 2 year old is older and she's listening to the older sister. I bet they'll make great confidants for each other. Karen |
"Brien" wrote in message ... My partner two girls, 4 and 2 years old. The 2 year old almost looks after herself and amuses herself endlessly with whatever can be found around. The 4 year old is relentless in her need for attention. She constantly has to be talking, commentating on everything, interrupting etc. Even her internal thought process is entirely verbalised. How can we help her to find pleasure in silence now and again? It's exhausting just to listen to her! I can imagine people reading this thinking that such talking should be encouraged, but I've spent a lot of time with different children (mum was a child minder), and this is really something else. Brien It doesn't go away, my boy is 10. Fortunately he has come to understand the coffee requirement before he gets going now. Who's idea was it to teach these kids how to walk and talk anyways? Lisa |
Subject: Incessant, relentless talking and needing constant attention.
From: Brien Date: 12/20/2004 3:22 AM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: My partner two girls, 4 and 2 years old. The 2 year old almost looks after herself and amuses herself endlessly with whatever can be found around. This sounds like my oldest daughter, she will be 23 this month and she still amuses herself nicely :) The 4 year old is relentless in her need for attention. She constantly has to be talking, commentating on everything, interrupting etc. Even her internal thought process is entirely verbalised. and this would be how my now 17 yr. old was/is and I think always will be. She even talks in her sleep ! LOL! How can we help her to find pleasure in silence now and again? It's exhausting just to listen to her! This is a very frustrating challenge I promise you.....I know the exhaustion is real......have you had the "look" yet as you have listened? Kinda mouth open eyes wide, and your head bobs up and down ? As others have already said ...I did find that to have her involved in some other activities would cut back on some of the babble...... Come time for school a whole new assortment of teachings came into play cause the babble went with her ! LOL! So we had to overcome the issues that brought to us. Teachers are great ! I can imagine people reading this thinking that such talking should be encouraged, but I've spent a lot of time with different children (mum was a child minder), and this is really something else. My daughter had been suspect for ADHD at 10 years old , ruled out, and now at 17 is being treated for ADHD ? I wonder if this babble trait for some is linked to this? I can say after years of constant reminders to wait her turn to talk , and some games during her earlier years in school that the teachers have used, and then there was the principal that would play a part in trying to discipline the behaviour, with detentions etc. She has gained some control . She doesn't talk with her mouth full anymore ! That was gross :) Bev P.S. good luck Brien |
My son babbles constantly. More times than not, We simply tell him to go to
his room if he has to talk... his door must be closed. We've had to set some really strict rules, especially when riding in the car. Along with that annoying chatter, my son makes sound effects so if he whines or makes a gasping noise, I find myself having to pull over. We've asked our therapist what to do about it. I've f ound myself sometimes telling my son that if he doesn't be quiet, he will find himself losing a priviledge. Sadly, it doesn't matter. We find ourselves thankful for school. Unfortunately, even his special ed teacher has found him to be annoying. My son is constantly chattering. The only time we ever hear anything BUT his voice is when he's asleep! I'd be very interested to see if there are any other ways to deal with this. My son is 8...... Unfortunately, I know exactly the frustration you're feeling. -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery "Brien" wrote in message ... My partner two girls, 4 and 2 years old. The 2 year old almost looks after herself and amuses herself endlessly with whatever can be found around. The 4 year old is relentless in her need for attention. She constantly has to be talking, commentating on everything, interrupting etc. Even her internal thought process is entirely verbalised. How can we help her to find pleasure in silence now and again? It's exhausting just to listen to her! I can imagine people reading this thinking that such talking should be encouraged, but I've spent a lot of time with different children (mum was a child minder), and this is really something else. Brien |
slykitten wrote:
My son babbles constantly. More times than not, We simply tell him to go to his room if he has to talk... his door must be closed. We've had to set some really strict rules, especially when riding in the car. Along with that annoying chatter, my son makes sound effects so if he whines or makes a gasping noise, I find myself having to pull over. We've asked our therapist what to do about it. I've f ound myself sometimes telling my son that if he doesn't be quiet, he will find himself losing a priviledge. Sadly, it doesn't matter. We find ourselves thankful for school. Unfortunately, even his special ed teacher has found him to be annoying. My son is constantly chattering. The only time we ever hear anything BUT his voice is when he's asleep! I'd be very interested to see if there are any other ways to deal with this. My son is 8...... Unfortunately, I know exactly the frustration you're feeling. Thanks for all of the feedback everyone!! Good to know we're not alone with the problem, and a few good suggestions in there. |
That's a really good idea. but the question becomes, what if he finds he
likes the vibrations? I mean, right now, even my 2 year old says, "shuuuuup!" because even as just a little one, she seems to get annoyed. My middle child (my older daughter) finds herself completely overpowered by his voice and sadly, this afternoon, for (I swear that this is true!) 2 hours, my son did nothing but babble, chatter and make noises. My middle kiddo put her hands over her ears and yelled at the top of her lungs, "SHUT UP! YOU BUG ME!!" and we ended up having to pull over. She was so mad that she was crying! We'll try the vibrations thing. I hope it works.... Another problem we're having with him is that he cusses. He never cusses at home but when he's at school, he'll let out a string that makes many a hardened man blush! We found this out when his teacher was sending home some progress logs for each day. The back oftentimes looks like a small book! When I was a kid and I said something inappropriate (regardless if it was a swear word or not) I got to suck on a bar of soap. My sig other's mom used to use crushed chile peppers..... what is considered "politically correct" for disciplining a cussing kid? -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery "'Kate" wrote in message ... On Tue, 21 Dec 2004 10:22:03 -0700, "slykitten" wrote: My son babbles constantly. More times than not, We simply tell him to go to his room if he has to talk... his door must be closed. We've had to set some really strict rules, especially when riding in the car. Along with that annoying chatter, my son makes sound effects so if he whines or makes a gasping noise, I find myself having to pull over. We've asked our therapist what to do about it. I've f ound myself sometimes telling my son that if he doesn't be quiet, he will find himself losing a priviledge. Sadly, it doesn't matter. We find ourselves thankful for school. Unfortunately, even his special ed teacher has found him to be annoying. My son is constantly chattering. The only time we ever hear anything BUT his voice is when he's asleep! I'd be very interested to see if there are any other ways to deal with this. My son is 8...... Unfortunately, I know exactly the frustration you're feeling. Not to make light of this because I know what listening to this is like and removing myself from the vicinity was the only solution at the time until he learned self control. But I keep remembering Kelly Bundy having to figure out the difference between "out loud" and "thinking" by putting her hand on her throat to feel the vibrations. If nothing is "thought", then maybe it's because these kids don't know they can think without talking? Just a thought. :-) 'Kate |
"'Kate" wrote in message Oh goodness. Poor kid. I've felt like that too. This is the same child that spends hours playing games, watching TV and multi tasking everything known to childhood in such a way that it is bigger, more, harder and more traumatising to the mother that any other kid. Not to mention the dozens of therapists, gurus, doctors and mumbo jumbo men involved in this boys life. I think that the mother (slykitten) just gets off on jumping in on a thread with an attention seeking response. Her son is all things to all threads, but bigger! Dennis |
Dennis is simply a dickhead and that's why he's in my killfile. All I'll say
is that my son's situation is such that I can relate to some of the issues brought up here. However, Dennis is obviously such a mental midget that he simply doesn't get it.... either that or he thinks like my ex does.... which means he doesn't think at all. That's ok though. He's entitled to his opinion..... THough it's completely worthless to me and is as good as deleted. It's a pity really.... should this guy actually have something useful to offer.... Haven't seen anything useful from him though.... Oh well.... such is life I suppose..... shrug -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery "'Kate" wrote in message ... On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 14:53:11 -0000, "denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote: "'Kate" wrote in message Oh goodness. Poor kid. I've felt like that too. This is the same child that spends hours playing games, watching TV and multi tasking everything known to childhood in such a way that it is bigger, more, harder and more traumatising to the mother that any other kid. Not to mention the dozens of therapists, gurus, doctors and mumbo jumbo men involved in this boys life. So what you're suggesting is that the children (you realize that it was her daughter who was losing it over the son's chattering) are fine, therefore it is the adult who is overwhelmed and overly sensitive? I think that the mother (slykitten) just gets off on jumping in on a thread with an attention seeking response. Her son is all things to all threads, but bigger! Dennis Sounds like being a single parent is difficult and this single parent needs more support IRL than she is getting and wouldn't mind finding some here to temporarily fill in the gaps until real life eases up a bit (which it will...as the kids get older) 'Kate |
On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 14:37:58 -0700, "slykitten"
wrote: THough it's completely worthless to me and is as good as deleted. Apparently not. It's a pity really.... should this guy actually have something useful to offer.... Haven't seen anything useful from him though.... We see what we want to see. lm |
when someone replies to him, I see it in their reply. Yes, he is in my
filter. WHen there was a reply to him, I ended up seeing that crap. Sorry but I figured I'd bring it out into the open.... besides, why should I sit around while that creep flames me and I end up seeing it in a reply.... am I supposed to just turn the other cheek? I refuse to let anyone walk all over me like I'm nothing. Dennis has done nothing but throw out insults and flames at me since the day I arrived on this group. I lurk until I feel I have something to contribute or ask. Just because I can relate to someone doesn't mean that I'm a drama queen when I post such. However, that creep has no clue about what's wrong with my son. I don't have any kind of support except here and on other groups dealing with parenting. So as far as your comment of "apparently not" you don't have a clue as to how my filters are set.... just as I don't have a clue as to how yours are set. I am just sick and tired of seeing a piggyback where some bozo has to sit there and flame me and insult me because they have something against single moms. It's simply a pity that he's such a miserable failure and has to take it out on someone like me (or whomever his target happens to be for that day.) while I'm desperately trying to do what I can for my son. -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery "lm" wrote in message ... On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 14:37:58 -0700, "slykitten" wrote: THough it's completely worthless to me and is as good as deleted. Apparently not. It's a pity really.... should this guy actually have something useful to offer.... Haven't seen anything useful from him though.... We see what we want to see. lm |
then please... enlighten me... what *is* this "forum" about??? Last I knew,
it was about single parents trying to parent their children. Forgive me for not living up to the standards set. I'm still pretty new here. I thought that perhaps by not only relating to some here but having some relate to me would help... apparently no one particularly gives a damn. I'm here for the sake of my kids, personally, I'm sick of the attitude if I call someone down for attacking me. It's too bad, really..... a real shame. This group to me looked like the perfect place to get advice on my son who happens to be disabled and I'm stuck raising him alone. His bio dad is the worst kind of deadbeat POS alive and I'm doing the best I can.... considering that with my son's disabilities, he gets kicked around from one school to another and I really have no choice because that's how our beloved "system" works! To those bureaucrats, my son is nothing but a piece of meat to be tossed from one animal to another in the hopes of getting rid of it. To me, my son is a little human being with some real problems that need to be addressed by the right kind of programs and support system in order for his life to be somewhat "normal" so that way he doesn't feel like such an outcast. To be honest, I'm just sooooooo glad that *your* kids are so perfect... so perfect in every single way.... that *you* don't have to battle school districts just to find placement for *your* child so he can get what he desperately needs.... aren't *you* just so lucky that you never have to worry about how crappy your kid is going to be treated based on his disability.... isn't that a little something called "discrimination" when a person is treated poorly because of a disability?? Boy, aren't you lucky???? If I were you, I'd be very thankful that you don't have a kid with disabilities and that your child is so bloody normal. Best of luck considering that you've apparently reached the point of perfect success and therefore must be just soooo much better of a parent than I am. guess that gives people like Dennis the right to judge me. Amazing how there's tolerance for what *he* does but there's no tolerance for someone desperate for resources in order to make sure that her child gets the best possible care and support that she can. You know.... Personally, I'm sick of the lack of tolerance. It's too bad.... it really is. such a shame.... hey, that's fine. Whatever.... snip That's true, and kind, and it's unfortunate that it's not really what this forum is about. lm |
On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 18:15:05 -0700, "slykitten"
wrote: then please... enlighten me... what *is* this "forum" about??? There's not much support here. I didn't say that was a good thing. Last I knew, it was about single parents trying to parent their children. Forgive me for not living up to the standards set. I'm still pretty new here. I thought that perhaps by not only relating to some here but having some relate to me would help... apparently no one particularly gives a damn. I'm here for the sake of my kids, personally, I'm sick of the attitude if I call someone down for attacking me. It's too bad, really..... a real shame. This group to me looked like the perfect place to get advice on my son who happens to be disabled and I'm stuck raising him alone. His bio dad is the worst kind of deadbeat POS alive and I'm doing the best I can.... considering that with my son's disabilities, he gets kicked around from one school to another and I really have no choice because that's how our beloved "system" works! To those bureaucrats, my son is nothing but a piece of meat to be tossed from one animal to another in the hopes of getting rid of it. To me, my son is a little human being with some real problems that need to be addressed by the right kind of programs and support system in order for his life to be somewhat "normal" so that way he doesn't feel like such an outcast. To be honest, I'm just sooooooo glad that *your* kids are so perfect... so perfect in every single way.... that *you* don't have to battle school districts just to find placement for *your* child so he can get what he desperately needs.... aren't *you* just so lucky that you never have to worry about how crappy your kid is going to be treated based on his disability.... isn't that a little something called "discrimination" when a person is treated poorly because of a disability?? Boy, aren't you lucky???? If I were you, I'd be very thankful that you don't have a kid with disabilities and that your child is so bloody normal. Best of luck considering that you've apparently reached the point of perfect success and therefore must be just soooo much better of a parent than I am. guess that gives people like Dennis the right to judge me. Amazing how there's tolerance for what *he* does but there's no tolerance for someone desperate for resources in order to make sure that her child gets the best possible care and support that she can. You know.... Personally, I'm sick of the lack of tolerance. It's too bad.... it really is. such a shame.... hey, that's fine. Whatever.... Wow. I hope you feel better after all that. lm |
On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 18:02:13 -0700, "slykitten"
wrote: when someone replies to him, I see it in their reply. Yes, he is in my filter. WHen there was a reply to him, I ended up seeing that crap. Sorry but I figured I'd bring it out into the open.... besides, why should I sit around while that creep flames me and I end up seeing it in a reply.... am I supposed to just turn the other cheek? I refuse to let anyone walk all over me like I'm nothing. Dennis has done nothing but throw out insults and flames at me since the day I arrived on this group. I lurk until I feel I have something to contribute or ask. Just because I can relate to someone doesn't mean that I'm a drama queen when I post such. However, that creep has no clue about what's wrong with my son. I don't have any kind of support except here and on other groups dealing with parenting. So as far as your comment of "apparently not" you don't have a clue as to how my filters are set.... just as I don't have a clue as to how yours are set. I am just sick and tired of seeing a piggyback where some bozo has to sit there and flame me and insult me because they have something against single moms. It's simply a pity that he's such a miserable failure and has to take it out on someone like me (or whomever his target happens to be for that day.) while I'm desperately trying to do what I can for my son. You have every right to reply to Dennis's comments, and to disagree with him. Doing so means that his opinion is not "completely worthless to [you] and is as good as deleted." lm |
Subject: Incessant, relentless talking and needing constant attention.
From: "slykitten" ms Date: 12/23/2004 4:37 PM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: Dennis is simply a dickhead and that's why he's in my killfile. Is that kinda the same as a penis wrinkle? All I'll say is that my son's situation is such that I can relate to some of the issues brought up here. Sly, by chance was your son ever diagnosed ADHD? Just curious? However, Dennis is obviously such a mental midget Is that kinda like a "mini me" impersonator? that he simply doesn't get it.... either that or he thinks like my ex does.... which means he doesn't think at all. That's ok though. He's entitled to his opinion..... THough it's completely worthless to me and is as good as deleted. It's a pity really.... should this guy actually have something useful to offer.... Haven't seen anything useful from him though.... Oh well.... such is life I suppose..... shrug Nah He is one of "those" ya know :) Unlike those of us that are not perfect parents :) I believe you truly have a motor mouth on your hands, if that is any consolation....I still don't know why you took a dislike to me though ? Oh well such is life I suppose....shrug Bev "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery "'Kate" wrote in message .. . On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 14:53:11 -0000, "denanson" Dennis@Large .ie wrote: "'Kate" wrote in message Oh goodness. Poor kid. I've felt like that too. This is the same child that spends hours playing games, watching TV and multi tasking everything known to childhood in such a way that it is bigger, more, harder and more traumatising to the mother that any other kid. Not to mention the dozens of therapists, gurus, doctors and mumbo jumbo men involved in this boys life. He has multiple issues goin on ....why not "motor mouthing " as well ? So what you're suggesting is that the children (you realize that it was her daughter who was losing it over the son's chattering) are fine, therefore it is the adult who is overwhelmed and overly sensitive? I think that the mother (slykitten) just gets off on jumping in on a thread with an attention seeking response. Her son is all things to all threads, but bigger! Ahhhh ....O.K. ...I recall reading quite a bit about his many issues and I have never felt she was grandstanding for attention? why would anyone "get off" that way? As a mom that has a child with some very real and devastating issues I could never "get off" that way ? You are accusing Sly of being quite ill do you realise that Dennis? I think her problems with her boy are real. I do not believe or see what you are saying. Everyone could feel better with more RL support. This single parenting thing gets easier ? I think parenting a special needs child does not get easier as the child gets older. for a single parent to find other parents maybe dealing with similar issues with their children IRL would surely be better than support from many in this group ( who blame the parents for the childrens issues) and that Sly by her own addmission several times has sought out help IRL? As a matter of fact all those people you say are not helping her son but hurting him....ya know those proffesionals that are supposed to be highly educated and able to help our children but end up just practicing on them and using them as guinea pigs, pill testers, and pin cushions? Having a child with special needs is a very hard place to be....you need a tough skin and strong will to deal day in and day out with a child that struggles with emotional, behavioral, and possible mental health issues. Of course we as parents of these kids seek the help and support of the medical people that we turn to in ussually a desperate attempt to understand ourselves what pain our children are in. It just irks my craw when people think they know what it is like to be one of us...or mock one of us, or accuse one of us as being sick in some way as to be the reason our children suffer. Ya know many of these things they are coming up with now are things a child is BORN with and not due to any kind of illness or neglect from one or both parents. what is sick is that someone named this group what it is and that unsuspecting people fall in for the game many are here playing. I learned.....thats why it is in the for "FUN" section of my favorites ................ Sounds like being a single parent is difficult and this single parent needs more support IRL than she is getting and wouldn't mind finding some here to temporarily fill in the gaps until real life eases up a bit (which it will...as the kids get older) Like I said ...LOL! support here? you are to funny ! There are to many perfect parents in this group that need a wake up call on them like maybe" a day in the life "and then they'd get it. |
On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 18:02:13 -0700, "slykitten"
wrote: Dennis has done nothing but throw out insults and flames at me since the day I arrived on this group Welcome to the club eg On the other hand, killfiles do work extremely well, but you gotta stick with it. You either ignore him (which hurts the most, or reply to him (which wastes your time). You can't do half and half. steveb ps ... ignoring him hurts him the most ... do it long enough and he will go away. Weeds need feeding too, or they wither and die. |
On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 01:59:54 GMT, lm
wrote: There's not much support here. I didn't say that was a good thing. There could be tho .... and you are one of the people who can give the most without apparently persuing your own agenda. This is the only group of it's kind on Usenet ... it really is a shame that it isn't a thriving, busy and friendly place. I know I have said this before, and I half expect the usual suspects to crawl outa the woodwork and tell me I am trying to run it all again .... lmao Trouble is, they are the very people who support those who attack slykitten, and the like. steveb |
Thank you! I'm just a bit grumpy tonight.... a little oversensitive. I got
hit with a sore throat and the beginnings of the flu. Right now it feels as though my "tough skin" has a bit of a tear in it..... =) -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery "steveb" wrote in message ... On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 18:02:13 -0700, "slykitten" wrote: Dennis has done nothing but throw out insults and flames at me since the day I arrived on this group Welcome to the club eg On the other hand, killfiles do work extremely well, but you gotta stick with it. You either ignore him (which hurts the most, or reply to him (which wastes your time). You can't do half and half. steveb ps ... ignoring him hurts him the most ... do it long enough and he will go away. Weeds need feeding too, or they wither and die. |
don't have any kind of support
except here and on other groups dealing with parenting That's a BIG mistake. You need to find yourself some friends and support in the real world. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
"steveb" wrote in message ... On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 01:59:54 GMT, lm wrote: There's not much support here. I didn't say that was a good thing. There could be tho .... and you are one of the people who can give the most without apparently persuing your own agenda. This is the only group of it's kind on Usenet ... it really is a shame that it isn't a thriving, busy and friendly place. I know I have said this before, and I half expect the usual suspects to crawl outa the woodwork and tell me I am trying to run it all again ... lmao Trouble is, they are the very people who support those who attack slykitten, and the like. steveb Oh ****, here we go again. Same old ****. T |
"Tiffany" wrote in message ... "steveb" wrote in message ... On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 01:59:54 GMT, lm wrote: There's not much support here. I didn't say that was a good thing. There could be tho .... and you are one of the people who can give the most without apparently persuing your own agenda. This is the only group of it's kind on Usenet ... it really is a shame that it isn't a thriving, busy and friendly place. I know I have said this before, and I half expect the usual suspects to crawl outa the woodwork and tell me I am trying to run it all again ... lmao Trouble is, they are the very people who support those who attack slykitten, and the like. steveb Oh ****, here we go again. Same old ****. T The irony in this thread topic is interesting. Christine |
"CME" wrote in message news:4lOyd.20463$dv1.3120@edtnps89... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "steveb" wrote in message ... On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 01:59:54 GMT, lm wrote: There's not much support here. I didn't say that was a good thing. There could be tho .... and you are one of the people who can give the most without apparently persuing your own agenda. This is the only group of it's kind on Usenet ... it really is a shame that it isn't a thriving, busy and friendly place. I know I have said this before, and I half expect the usual suspects to crawl outa the woodwork and tell me I am trying to run it all again ... lmao Trouble is, they are the very people who support those who attack slykitten, and the like. steveb Oh ****, here we go again. Same old ****. T The irony in this thread topic is interesting. Christine LMAO.... damn, great observation! T |
"Tiffany" wrote in message ... "steveb" wrote in message ... On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 01:59:54 GMT, lm wrote: There's not much support here. I didn't say that was a good thing. There could be tho .... and you are one of the people who can give the most without apparently persuing your own agenda. This is the only group of it's kind on Usenet ... it really is a shame that it isn't a thriving, busy and friendly place. I know I have said this before, and I half expect the usual suspects to crawl outa the woodwork and tell me I am trying to run it all again ... lmao Trouble is, they are the very people who support those who attack slykitten, and the like. steveb Oh ****, here we go again. Same old ****. Old stevey still hasn't learned.......you'd think after this much time, those two brain cells might have connected....but apparently not. T |
"CME" wrote in message news:4lOyd.20463$dv1.3120@edtnps89... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "steveb" wrote in message ... On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 01:59:54 GMT, lm wrote: There's not much support here. I didn't say that was a good thing. There could be tho .... and you are one of the people who can give the most without apparently persuing your own agenda. This is the only group of it's kind on Usenet ... it really is a shame that it isn't a thriving, busy and friendly place. I know I have said this before, and I half expect the usual suspects to crawl outa the woodwork and tell me I am trying to run it all again ... lmao Trouble is, they are the very people who support those who attack slykitten, and the like. steveb Oh ****, here we go again. Same old ****. T The irony in this thread topic is interesting. DAMN IT CHRISTINE!!!!!!!!! Time to clean the spray off the computer screen. BTW Merry Christmas Christine |
"lm" wrote in message ... On Thu, 23 Dec 2004 18:15:05 -0700, "slykitten" wrote: then please... enlighten me... what *is* this "forum" about??? There's not much support here. I didn't say that was a good thing. Last I knew, it was about single parents trying to parent their children. Forgive me for not living up to the standards set. I'm still pretty new here. I thought that perhaps by not only relating to some here but having some relate to me would help... apparently no one particularly gives a damn. I'm here for the sake of my kids, personally, I'm sick of the attitude if I call someone down for attacking me. It's too bad, really..... a real shame. This group to me looked like the perfect place to get advice on my son who happens to be disabled and I'm stuck raising him alone. His bio dad is the worst kind of deadbeat POS alive and I'm doing the best I can.... considering that with my son's disabilities, he gets kicked around from one school to another and I really have no choice because that's how our beloved "system" works! To those bureaucrats, my son is nothing but a piece of meat to be tossed from one animal to another in the hopes of getting rid of it. To me, my son is a little human being with some real problems that need to be addressed by the right kind of programs and support system in order for his life to be somewhat "normal" so that way he doesn't feel like such an outcast. To be honest, I'm just sooooooo glad that *your* kids are so perfect... so perfect in every single way.... that *you* don't have to battle school districts just to find placement for *your* child so he can get what he desperately needs.... aren't *you* just so lucky that you never have to worry about how crappy your kid is going to be treated based on his disability.... isn't that a little something called "discrimination" when a person is treated poorly because of a disability?? Boy, aren't you lucky???? If I were you, I'd be very thankful that you don't have a kid with disabilities and that your child is so bloody normal. Best of luck considering that you've apparently reached the point of perfect success and therefore must be just soooo much better of a parent than I am. guess that gives people like Dennis the right to judge me. Amazing how there's tolerance for what *he* does but there's no tolerance for someone desperate for resources in order to make sure that her child gets the best possible care and support that she can. You know.... Personally, I'm sick of the lack of tolerance. It's too bad.... it really is. such a shame.... hey, that's fine. Whatever.... Wow. I hope you feel better after all that. No kidding..........anybody that looks to a NG for 'REAL' support is in serious trouble. lm |
On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 09:31:46 -0500, "P.Fritz"
wrote: No kidding..........anybody that looks to a NG for 'REAL' support is in serious trouble. If they look to you, Christine and Tiffany they are, yes :) lots of love Stevey ps .... Pauly Babes ..... using a diminutive of my name only makes me more convinced you have *issues* about your sexuality, hon :) Anyway .... the usual suspects lined up again ..... too easy :p |
"Tiffany" wrote in message ... "CME" wrote in message news:4lOyd.20463$dv1.3120@edtnps89... "Tiffany" wrote in message ... "steveb" wrote in message ... On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 01:59:54 GMT, lm wrote: There's not much support here. I didn't say that was a good thing. There could be tho .... and you are one of the people who can give the most without apparently persuing your own agenda. This is the only group of it's kind on Usenet ... it really is a shame that it isn't a thriving, busy and friendly place. I know I have said this before, and I half expect the usual suspects to crawl outa the woodwork and tell me I am trying to run it all again ... lmao Trouble is, they are the very people who support those who attack slykitten, and the like. steveb Oh ****, here we go again. Same old ****. T The irony in this thread topic is interesting. Christine LMAO.... damn, great observation! Yeah.......for some reason, he brings up visions of 'peewee herman' T |
"steveb" wrote in message ... On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 09:31:46 -0500, "P.Fritz" wrote: No kidding..........anybody that looks to a NG for 'REAL' support is in serious trouble. If they look to you, Christine and Tiffany they are, yes :) lots of love Stevey ps .... Pauly Babes ..... using a diminutive of my name only makes me more convinced you have *issues* about your sexuality, hon :) Anyway .... the usual suspects lined up again ..... too easy :p YAWN Stevey needs to look to alt.pyschology.projection to get help for his problems. Your Pavlovian response is all to predictable |
That was very well put. When I went in search of a group of people who were
single parents, This group is what I came up with. It was the only one of its kind and when I tried at yahoogroups, the groups that came up were either porno in nature or there weren't any that were relevant. So yes... I came here in desperation and yes, I do feel as though I'm being chased away. and the nastiness of some on here is repulsive. You know, there once was a time when a teacher of mine told me after class when I asked him a question on something, he said, "you know, I'm pretty certain that at least a dozen of your classmates have the same question." I had scoffed and asked how he knew. He said, "because there were about 11 ahead of you asking me this very question. The only 'stupid' question is the one that's not asked. If someone asks a question, chances are good, others have the same question or can relate to the confusion. If the question is not asked then all you'll know is confusion unless you or someone else asks." Well, in the case of my son's babbling, I was afraid to even ask the question of what to do because I was afraid of the response that I've gotten thus far. When I saw that someone else had the same problem, I found myself responding not with a solution but with a reply that was more like, "you know, I've been wondering the same thing! I'd be interested to see others' suggestions." and what do I get? I get slammed and flamed and otherwise bullied. As of right now, I'm still desperate for help with my son because the resources in my area are seriously lacking. But you know, I doubt that I'll ever be *that* desperate again as to come here for advice. I'm so sorry to have troubled all of you.... "veterans" who've been there, done that and who feel the need to tell those of us who are there and haven't yet done that to get lost. I don't expect a lot of warm-fuzzies. I did expect a little bit of sympathy and support, especially from those who have walked in my shoes before. I don't expect tough love to not play a part. Sometimes it takes a good bitchslap back into reality to get back on the horse that threw you down and keep trying. Instead, I feel like I've been kicked when I'm down. There are *NO* resources where I'm at and if there are, I don't know how to find them. Like I said, sorry to have even bothered any of you. I won't leave though because of the *******s who are just waiting for me to leave so they can continue to be cruel over what a "coward" I was. I'll just silently hope that someone will ask a question that I may have. and hope that the question is answered. -- "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery "lm" wrote in message ... On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 03:02:55 GMT, 'Kate wrote: On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 00:21:00 GMT, lm wrote: on temporary emotional support That's true, and kind, and it's unfortunate that it's not really what this forum is about. lm What do you suggest that we do to provide more support? Let people vent. You said in your response to the "seeking texas man" poster, "This group is about the joy of being a single parent. You're very welcome stay and chat about your experiences being a single mother." It's an interesting description, and an honest one. This group is not really about supporting people who are dealing with becoming or remaining a single parent. The only threads that don't degenerate into spats about what this group should be about are little news tidbits that long-time posters say about their kids. It's a koffee klatch, not a support group. A half-dozen or so people who have been here for too long (myself included) -- rather than moving on themselves, they just chase away newcomers. The group comprises the same people it did 2-3+ years ago. If it's really about only the happyhappyjoyjoy, perhaps the name ought to be changed to alt.joy.single-parents. To repeat a much-repeated phrase, it's called "support." The first year or two of being a single parent are like childbirth -- those of us who have been here a while can remember that it was very hard, but we can't still feel the pain. That's a good thing for us, but maybe what's happened is that when people who are still in that raw stage, or who are desperate and scared, show us all that emotion and fear and anger, we don't want to hear it because it brings our own pain back! So we tell them to take their divorce questions to a.s.divorce and their child support questions to a.s.child-support. I could be way off about the reasons for it, but I suppose it doesn't matter. People who are in pain are turned away because we don't like the *way* they express their pain. Divorce and child support are part of being a single parent (not for you, Joelle, we know), and venting about the other parent is absolutely necessary if a poster needs to, and doing so on usenet instead of at their kids or at their job or at the other parent ought to be welcomed rather than discouraged. What we're left with is some lukewarm flirting by a few members (which is frowned upon by others), and some self-righteous boot-strapping by tough-lovers who say you made your bed now lie in it, and every disagreement on the issues degenerating into a bitch session about what one poster or another's agenda is. WTF is an agenda? So steveb thinks of support as something different than Christene does. Who cares? Jesus if there was a thread called "what should my favorite color be?" and people didn't agree, the thread would not be about the plusses and minuses of different colours, or people's own feelings about or experiences with different colours, but about what an idiot so-and-so is because they think everyone's favorite colour should be purple when anyone who's worth their salt knows the best colour is blue! And who gives a **** about the poor poster who asked the question in the first place! I have opinions about some of the posters here too, it's human nature to develop opinions about people, but my opinions don't belong here if they're not constructive, so I end up hardly ever posting because it's a joke. Kate, do you remember when we talked? You were the soul of compassion. You were so helpful to me when I was panicked, I was so frightened, I didn't know what to do, I had no perspective, and there you were, from 2 time zones away, after all you had been through you gave me sound advice and support. I've thanked you but I don't think I've thanked you enough, made clear how important that help was for me -- you gave me information without being cold, and you gave me support without being mushy -- you were right there in the center and you drew from both wells in just the right proportions. It helped at the time and looking back on it, it was the right approach. I have only that experience and this forum to go on, but I'm convinced you're in the right field. You are going to be so good at what you do. I also haven't said how hard it was for me to write that post that ended up with us on the phone. I was so alone, this forum was *it* for me at the time, and yet I edited myself so much in that post. I apologized several times in it, I changed my words, I worried that I would be flamed, in hindsight it was ridiculous that I should have to worry like that in the midst of a crisis just to get some advice. And I only knew to do that because I'd already been posting here a while. If in the midst of a crisis I googled single parents support and landed here, I'm sure I wouldnt' have known to post *correctly.* Since then our life has improved exponentially. I've married, we've moved away from the boys' father, I have legal custody, and we've reached a point that the boys just a few weeks back called their father for the first time, no occasion, just because they wanted to. I don't need to be on this forum, and there isn't much to be here for -- I'm only still here because I'd like someday to be able to pay it forward. That's an effect of your support. The tough-love approach is absolutely valid. Giving people the no-bull****-facts may well help in the long run, and it's certainly a valid understanding of what support should be. But the poor-baby-I-know-it's-hard approach is absolutely valid. It may only have a momentary effect, but sometimes that's all that's needed, and it too is a valid understanding of support. The reason there's so little support on this forum is not that some people are too cold, or that some people are too soft. It's that the two won't get off each other's backs. Any response to new posters is absolutely valid, if it's really to the poster and not a nudge-nudge to other posters. Sitting around and congratulating ourselves that we're better than they are is pathetic. Different approaches and opinions are the point of a forum -- if you want only one point of view you can get that from e-mail. lm |
"lm" wrote in message ... On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 03:02:55 GMT, 'Kate wrote: On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 00:21:00 GMT, lm wrote: on temporary emotional support That's true, and kind, and it's unfortunate that it's not really what this forum is about. lm What do you suggest that we do to provide more support? Let people vent. You said in your response to the "seeking texas man" poster, "This group is about the joy of being a single parent. You're very welcome stay and chat about your experiences being a single mother." It's an interesting description, and an honest one. This group is not really about supporting people who are dealing with becoming or remaining a single parent. The only threads that don't degenerate into spats about what this group should be about are little news tidbits that long-time posters say about their kids. It's a koffee klatch, not a support group. I look at it as like a neighborhood bar, you stop in for a chat, dicuss the latest issues, and go home......it is 'supportive" but not meant to replace professional help, or real friends and family.......those that try to make it that are in serious need of professional help. A half-dozen or so people who have been here for too long (myself included) -- rather than moving on themselves, they just chase away newcomers. Some newcomers look for validation of their own twisted ways, and when they are not enabled (except for stevey) they go somewhere where they will hear what they want to hear.....so what. The group comprises the same people it did 2-3+ years ago. If it's really about only the happyhappyjoyjoy, perhaps the name ought to be changed to alt.joy.single-parents. Huh? To repeat a much-repeated phrase, it's called "support." The first year or two of being a single parent are like childbirth -- those of us who have been here a while can remember that it was very hard, but we can't still feel the pain. That's a good thing for us, but maybe what's happened is that when people who are still in that raw stage, or who are desperate and scared, show us all that emotion and fear and anger, we don't want to hear it because it brings our own pain back! So we tell them to take their divorce questions to a.s.divorce and their child support questions to a.s.child-support. I could be way off about the reasons for it, but I suppose it doesn't matter. People who are in pain are turned away because we don't like the *way* they express their pain. No, people that are looking to be enabled don't get the 'support' they wish to hear. Divorce and child support are part of being a single parent (not for you, Joelle, we know), and venting about the other parent is absolutely necessary if a poster needs to, and doing so on usenet instead of at their kids or at their job or at the other parent ought to be welcomed rather than discouraged. So you think that we should be supportive, say of a person that is thinking of filing false abuse charges against an ex in order to deny parenting time? What we're left with is some lukewarm flirting by a few members (which is frowned upon by others), and some self-righteous boot-strapping by tough-lovers who say you made your bed now lie in it, and every disagreement on the issues degenerating into a bitch session about what one poster or another's agenda is. WTF is an agenda? So steveb thinks of support as something different than Christene does. Who cares? Jesus if there was a thread called "what should my favorite color be?" and people didn't agree, the thread would not be about the plusses and minuses of different colours, or people's own feelings about or experiences with different colours, but about what an idiot so-and-so is because they think everyone's favorite colour should be purple when anyone who's worth their salt knows the best colour is blue! And who gives a **** about the poor poster who asked the question in the first place! You've come close to hitting the nail on the head. There are a certain few that feel they need to tell others how and what to post, rather than just ignore / killfile them. Opinions are like assholes......everyone has one, and not all of them are pretty. :-) I have opinions about some of the posters here too, it's human nature to develop opinions about people, but my opinions don't belong here if they're not constructive, so I end up hardly ever posting because it's a joke. Kate, do you remember when we talked? You were the soul of compassion. You were so helpful to me when I was panicked, I was so frightened, I didn't know what to do, I had no perspective, and there you were, from 2 time zones away, after all you had been through you gave me sound advice and support. I've thanked you but I don't think I've thanked you enough, made clear how important that help was for me -- you gave me information without being cold, and you gave me support without being mushy -- you were right there in the center and you drew from both wells in just the right proportions. It helped at the time and looking back on it, it was the right approach. I have only that experience and this forum to go on, but I'm convinced you're in the right field. You are going to be so good at what you do. I also haven't said how hard it was for me to write that post that ended up with us on the phone. I was so alone, this forum was *it* for me at the time, and yet I edited myself so much in that post. I apologized several times in it, I changed my words, I worried that I would be flamed, in hindsight it was ridiculous that I should have to worry like that in the midst of a crisis just to get some advice. And I only knew to do that because I'd already been posting here a while. If in the midst of a crisis I googled single parents support and landed here, I'm sure I wouldnt' have known to post *correctly.* Since then our life has improved exponentially. I've married, we've moved away from the boys' father, I have legal custody, and we've reached a point that the boys just a few weeks back called their father for the first time, no occasion, just because they wanted to. I don't need to be on this forum, and there isn't much to be here for -- I'm only still here because I'd like someday to be able to pay it forward. That's an effect of your support. The tough-love approach is absolutely valid. Giving people the no-bull****-facts may well help in the long run, and it's certainly a valid understanding of what support should be. But the poor-baby-I-know-it's-hard approach is absolutely valid. It may only have a momentary effect, but sometimes that's all that's needed, and it too is a valid understanding of support. The reason there's so little support on this forum is not that some people are too cold, or that some people are too soft. It's that the two won't get off each other's backs. Any response to new posters is absolutely valid, if it's really to the poster and not a nudge-nudge to other posters. Sitting around and congratulating ourselves that we're better than they are is pathetic. Different approaches and opinions are the point of a forum -- if you want only one point of view you can get that from e-mail. lm |
On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 11:48:12 -0500, "P.Fritz"
wrote: Stevey needs to look to alt.pyschology.projection to get help for his problems. Of course the problem you have, Pauly, is that I go away for best part of a year, and whenever I come back, a different bunch of people are saying exactly the things I said, about all the same posters. So how do you explain that away hon? And why hasn't Dennis told me to ***** Off* yet? It's his normal response :) steveb |
On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 17:28:26 GMT, lm
wrote: The reason there's so little support on this forum is not that some people are too cold, or that some people are too soft. It's that the two won't get off each other's backs. Any response to new posters is absolutely valid, if it's really to the poster and not a nudge-nudge to other posters. Sitting around and congratulating ourselves that we're better than they are is pathetic. After the last little spat with the *usual suspects*, I was away for nearly a year (yes I know it wasn't long enough for some of you .... but here is the thing .... what you think doesn't matter) When I return, the very same things are being said, about the same people, by a new (and some old) bunch of posters. Paul, Dennis, Christine, Tiffany ....... you support no one other than your own egos. Try doing what I did .... take a year off, then come back and let us see if a difference is made. steveb |
On Fri, 24 Dec 2004 10:56:53 -0700, "slykitten"
wrote: " and what do I get? I get slammed and flamed and otherwise bullied. Slykitten ...... *Take what you need, and leave the rest* Put those you feel offer no support in your killfile ..... and leave them there. They are ex-posters, they don't exist in your Universe, they will bring you only pain and anger (a deal-breaker) Treat those people with the same utter contempt you treat the stuff you scrape off your shoes! They are not worth your energy, or your emotion. If sufficient people killfile, and keep killfiled, then they will leave. They can even stay, no one will see them. If you do this, then the only replies you will see will be the genuine ones. You won't always agree with them (any more than I always agree with people I respect), but you will be able to enjoy a debate, free of thewhite noise of the clowns and the emotional cripples. You can be a part of reclaiming this newsgroup for those who want to offer and receive support, and take it from those who wish to support their fragile egos by slapping people least able to deal with it. Don't anyone make the mistake of thinking I want any form of position here. I have shown you all I am quite prepared to stay away for long periods, and *drop in* occasionally. This will not change anytime soon. OTOH, there are serial bullies here, and they need to be shown some of the *tough love* (sic) they show others. Then they need to be shown the door my 2c ssteveb |
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This is not the only usenet group that steveb attempts to control. Be wary
of his motives. Use Google as your friend to determine who is really telling the truth. |
Joelle, the only thing you commented on in my entire post was what was
addressed directly to you. Well, duh. Because it was the stupidest thing you said. And the most hypocritical. You lecture the group about how bad we are and then out of nowhere you throw a totally unasked for jab at me. You *do* throw your widowhood around regularly, No, I don't. I rarely mention it...and the fact that the few times I do bring it up bothers you is about you, not me. I guess that's what happens when you're the boss at home, at work, and in the community Oh yea. I'm so the boss everywhere. That's very amusing. Thank you. You snipped the whole thing and commented on one sentence. Because you negated any credibility you might have to lecture the group by such a childish, silly, unprovoked remark. ut the 7 or 8 regulars who find joy in zinging each other, to the detriment of people who may benefit from varied thoughts rather than the same old **** ad nauseum Oh my god,...you truly do not see the irony of what you just said. I feel sorry for you and I feel very sorry for your children and your congregation. Right. And I'm the badass judgmental one. Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
"Joelle" wrote in message ... Joelle, the only thing you commented on in my entire post was what was addressed directly to you. Well, duh. Because it was the stupidest thing you said. And the most hypocritical. You lecture the group about how bad we are and then out of nowhere you throw a totally unasked for jab at me. You *do* throw your widowhood around regularly, No, I don't. I rarely mention it...and the fact that the few times I do bring it up bothers you is about you, not me. I guess that's what happens when you're the boss at home, at work, and in the community Oh yea. I'm so the boss everywhere. That's very amusing. Thank you. You snipped the whole thing and commented on one sentence. Because you negated any credibility you might have to lecture the group by such a childish, silly, unprovoked remark. ut the 7 or 8 regulars who find joy in zinging each other, to the detriment of people who may benefit from varied thoughts rather than the same old **** ad nauseum Oh my god,...you truly do not see the irony of what you just said. I feel sorry for you and I feel very sorry for your children and your congregation. Right. And I'm the badass judgmental one. Well, if it is any consolation, I don't feel the same way. While we don't always see eye to eye, I certainly respect your unique viewpoint, (don't mean that as a negative either) BTW Merry Christmas Joelle The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St Augustine Joelle |
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