Oh no, this can't be happening!
 

AP News - Kris Kringle (AKA "Santa Claus") was arrested under
international child support laws after it was discovered that he and
his common law wife were never really married. It seems that Mr.
Kringle fathered some of the elves working for him for the past 300
years. While it's true that he supported most of them during that
time, the judge asserts that it does not count as support but only as
a gift. Normally support only continues for 18-21 years, but since
these elves are unable to take care of themselves, Mr. Kringle has an
obligation to provide support for their entire lives. Family services
are also investigating charges of child molestation that may have been
going on for years.

It seems that Mr. Kringle has had children sitting in his lap while
he whispers offers of gifts in their ears. He has been heard to utter
thinly disguised threats such as "You better watch out" to keep his
victimized children in line says CPS investigator Urass I. Smine. "We
are aggressively investigating these allegations. We are also looking
into why he has been using the alias Santa Claus all these years."

Children have been questioned about the alleged molestation but they
have all denied any wrong-doing on Mr. Kringle's part. "This is
typical" says Ms. Smine. "The victims don't realize that they are
victims because their attacker has brain-washed them. We will work
with the children until the truth comes out. We are also investigating
claims that Mr. Kringle has been involved in other abusive behaviors
such as forcing his children to work long hours in his toy factory.
We've notified the FAA that he may have been operating aircraft
without a license and endangering his children by having some of them
ride along. This monster needs to be locked up!"