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-   -   She told my 12 yrs old daughter first (http://www.parentingbanter.com/showthread.php?t=50967)

[email protected] May 12th 07 02:22 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?


Gini May 12th 07 02:51 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?

==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?



Bob Whiteside May 12th 07 03:41 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 

wrote in message
ups.com...

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?


One with no guts to deal directly with the change they are creating. Women
initiate divorces 85+% of the time. She was just looking to your daughter
to break the news to you first because she couldn't do it.

This plays out in different ways. In my case my ex wanted me to tell our
children "we" were getting a divorce even though she is the one who was
breaking up the marriage.

Quite frankly I view these situations as womenfirsters demanding what they
want for themselves without the spine to stand up for what they want and
without regard for how children might be implicated in their schemes to end
marriages.



Bob Whiteside May 12th 07 04:03 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 

"Gini" wrote in message news:Q491i.44$CQ4.0@trndny06...

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?

==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need of a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs met, or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?



Laura May 12th 07 04:07 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 

A coward and a sorry excuse for a mother who would envolve her pre teen
daughter in such a difficult situation.
No matter what that woman does or says, never put her down in front of
your kids, the temptation will be staggering, but don't do it, you will
come out smelling like a rose for it when they are grown and see things
as they really are, been there, done that.
My husbands kids are also a boy, 14 and a girl 12 and even at their age,
they tell us they know who is unreasonable and mean...and it isn't their
father. So always play nice in front of the kids, for their sake :) Good
luck!


Gini May 12th 07 05:13 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 

"Bob Whiteside" wrote

"Gini"wrote

wrote

Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?

==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?

==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they chose to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.



[email protected] May 12th 07 05:37 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 
On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote





"Gini"wrote


wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they chose to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.


Gini May 12th 07 05:41 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 

wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote





"Gini"wrote


wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the
time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days
before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a
different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need
of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs
met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they chose
to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's
the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after
all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their
choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice
of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a
creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most
important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.

==
Advice about what--exactly?




[email protected] May 12th 07 06:05 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 
On May 12, 12:41 am, "Gini" wrote:
wrote in message

ups.com...



On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote


"Gini"wrote


wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and 12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the
time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days
before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a
different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in need
of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs
met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they chose
to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's
the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after
all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their
choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice
of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a
creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most
important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -


- Show quoted text -


Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.


==
Advice about what--exactly?



- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


I'm interested to know how others would deal with situation like the
one I describe.



Bob Whiteside May 12th 07 06:24 AM

She told my 12 yrs old daughter first
 

wrote in message
ups.com...
On May 12, 12:13 am, "Gini" wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote





"Gini"wrote


wrote


Hi I've been separated for two years, I have 2 children of 14 and

12
in shared custody. I learned from my daughter. who was 12 at the

time,
that her mother told her she was going to leave me several days

before
she told me!
What kind of person could do something like that?
==
The kind of person you'd choose to marry and have children with?


How can a husband predict his wife will become a person from a

different
planet 10-15 years after their marriage? How are men supposed to know
before marriage their brides will feel unfulfilled emotionally, in

need of
a
change, want to find themselves, believe they not having their needs

met,
or
feeling like they are growing apart 10-15 years later?


==
Not sure. But, I am disturbed by the number of folks who show up here
obsessing about the
"abusive ex," "the glass-throwing drug addicted slut" etc whom they

chose to
marry and procreate with.
Look how Moon (who has recently disappeared, by the way) has
presented her ex as an abuser, child neglector, deadbeat, etc when he's

the
one she chose to father her
children! And the guys do it all the time with their ex's. Well, after

all
these years, I'm fed up with it. People need to
make better choices and live with the consequences of their

choices...And,
this other person is the father/mother of
their children. It isn't the kids' fault the parent made a lousy choice

of
procreating partner for their child(ren) and it
serves no useful purpose coming in here and trashing the other parent,
especially as we were reminded of lately--these kids
grow up and use usenet. They're going to have access to all this crap
someday. We're not operating in a vacuum here. As for me,
my ex wasn't/isn't perfect just as I am not perfect. But, I have never
regreted having his children (1 adopted and 1 bio) and no matter what
happened between he and I, he loved/loves those
boys as much as I and I will always respect him for that. He's not a

creep.
If he were, I wouldn't have married him let alone had children
with him. My god, chosing a parent for one's children is the most

important
choice we make in life and we damn well better have it right
or make the best of it when we don't.- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -


Just to clarify something from my initial post: My ex also asked my
daughter not to tell me anything at the time. She (my daughter) told
me that last week.I don't know how it came to the conversation since I
avoid the subject as much as possible.
I also don't see how could I expect the mother of my children to act
the way she did.
I need to exchange with people who could understand my situation and
even give me some advice.


Daughters are the first to communicate to their dads they got screwed over.
Daughters understand the games played by their mothers and are willing to
come forward with the truth. My daughter, who is an adult now, has
volunteered she observed the divorce situation and how her mother portrayed
it, and me, for many years and then has come forward to disclose lots of
details contrary to how they were presented to me.

The basic problem you have described is how mothers treat their daughters as
their best friends to confide in them about the intimate details of
relationships. What those moms don't realize is how much the daughters care
for their dads and how they are negatively affected by the backstream games.

Your daughter has to be very mature to come forward at just 14 years of age
to give you details to help you protect yourself emotionally from all the
games.




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