wanting to have a baby
 

I have been wanting another baby and having dreams about having babies and
holding and nursing them. My youngest of 3 is almost 6 and we are "done"
having children. For 5 years I definately did NOT want to have anymore and
the feelings I'm having are making me sad. Ugh how do you stop those
feelings! I thought about getting a dog from the shelter but how many dogs
would I end up with before the urges went away? lol

Marie

wanting to have a baby
 

"MarieD" wrote in message
...
I have been wanting another baby and having dreams about having babies and
holding and nursing them. My youngest of 3 is almost 6 and we are "done"
having children. For 5 years I definately did NOT want to have anymore and
the feelings I'm having are making me sad. Ugh how do you stop those
feelings! I thought about getting a dog from the shelter but how many dogs
would I end up with before the urges went away? lol

Marie

Hi Marie

I don't have an awful lot of advice, but I know my mum said that the dreams
and feelings never left her. She wakes up and spends the day missing the
baby that she'd had. So you're not alone in that, but I don't know what
would make it better.

It's not a time that I look forward to. I'd like another baby after this,
but I can't imagine then never having another baby. All my life I've looked
forward to being pregnant and having babies, it worries me that one day I'll
not be doing it anymore *hugs*

Lucy x

wanting to have a baby
 

I agree with Pologirl. Talk it out. Talk to your dh, but also go talk to a
counselor, and try to work through it. Write in a journal. If the talk
with dh ends with the same decision, that he's doesn't want another child,
then you are basically going to have to find a way to accept that decision.
One way that I've found to accept hard decisions that I've made is to write
up a list of all the reasons why we made that decision, all the pros of the
decision. Focus on those. Some simple ones are that with 3 kids 6 years
old and up, you have a lot of freedom. Freedom from diapers, and middle of
the night wakings. Freedom to take certain kinds of trips and vacations
that just aren't doable with a newborn. Think of what those are, then start
planning some. You may have family members nearby who would be willing to
take the kids for a weekend, allowing you and your dh to have a quiet
romantic weekend alone, either at your own home, or out at a B&B. Those
same family members may not be willing to take a newborn along with the
other 3, so it could be YEARS before you could plan a weekend away like
that. Do you see what I mean?

None of this take away from how great babies are/can be, and may not take
away your urges for another child, but if you focus on the benefits of older
children, and start really planning and enjoying those benefits, you may
realize that instead of longing for what you don't have, you are enjoying
more fully, what you do have.

You have to retrain your brain. When you feel those sad feelings come up,
you have to stop yourself, and put something positive in it's place.
Eventually you will not feel those sad feelings any more. It's not going to
happen all by itself, though. You have to work through it. It's easy to
wallow in those feelings, but in the long run, it doesn't benefit you, your
dh, or your kids.

I don't know if you know my history, but dh and I suffered through 5 years
of infertility and pregnancy losses (at least 9). We finally ended up
building our family through open adoption, and have two little girls, age
5.5 and almost 4. We are so blessed. But, I had to process and work
through the idea that I would never carry a pregnancy to term, give birth,
or breastfeed. For me, I looked at the long term goal -- which was to have
a family. Pregnancy and birth are just one path to get there, but for me, I
had to take another path. But the end result was the same, that I got my
family. Maybe for you, you need to remind youself that babies don't stay
babies forever, and it's rather common for women to have the urge to have
another baby when their youngest reach a certain age. For some people,
that's about 3, for others, like you, it may be 6. Either which way, having
another child is no guarantee that you won't get "broody" again when that
child was 4, 5 or 6 years old.

I tell you my story, not to say that you should be happy with what you have,
because some of us are "worse off", but to say, you can get past these
feelings. I think many women have to work through feelings like this, for
lots of reasons.

Good luck.

--

Jamie Clark

www.ClarkDigitalArts.com

"MarieD" wrote in message
...
I have been wanting another baby and having dreams about having babies and
holding and nursing them. My youngest of 3 is almost 6 and we are "done"
having children. For 5 years I definately did NOT want to have anymore and
the feelings I'm having are making me sad. Ugh how do you stop those
feelings! I thought about getting a dog from the shelter but how many dogs
would I end up with before the urges went away? lol

Marie

wanting to have a baby
 

"MarieD" wrote in message
...
I have been wanting another baby and having dreams about having babies and
holding and nursing them. My youngest of 3 is almost 6 and we are "done"
having children. For 5 years I definately did NOT want to have anymore and
the feelings I'm having are making me sad. Ugh how do you stop those
feelings! I thought about getting a dog from the shelter but how many dogs
would I end up with before the urges went away? lol

Lots of sympathy. I suspect I'll be feeling like you in a few years. Even
now with #3 just turned a year a feel twinges of jealousy for those having
that lovely newborn stage again.
At present I don't want to be pregnant again, but I'm not sure how I'll
manage when he's getting bigger.
Debbie