teenager breaking curfew
G'morning.
I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree. I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife. Advice? |
teenager breaking curfew
"Tony" wrote in message
... G'morning. I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree. I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife. I'm wondering why an 18 year old has a curfew? Marie |
teenager breaking curfew
In article ,
Tony says... G'morning. I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree. I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife. Advice? She's 18 - enough with the curfew. Banty |
teenager breaking curfew
On Mar 9, 11:34 am, Banty wrote:
In article , Tony says... G'morning. I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree. I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife. Advice? She's 18 - enough with the curfew. Banty Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you. What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it. |
teenager breaking curfew
In article ,
Tony says... On Mar 9, 11:34 am, Banty wrote: In article , Tony says... G'morning. I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree. I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife. Advice? She's 18 - enough with the curfew. Banty Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you. What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it. You want a validation of your argument with your wife - gee I don't know. What *was* your arrangement as far as handling these things? I'm afraid you're going to see more 'big picture' responses here - you're not likely to get a stranger to limit themselves to decide if he or she is going to pony up for your side, or your ex's side, of your current little squabble. If you look at the implied conclusion of what has already been unanimously said - I guess your answer is "you're right". But for a different reason - not because particulars of what's going on between you and your ex on this squabble, but because of the relationship that you should not be building with your *now adult daughter*. (Gosh, it strikes me again and again how this post-divorce stuff so often focusses on the failed relationship between the two adults, in guise of concern for the kids.) I'm even wondering if you still actually by your state's rules have a joint custody arrangement. Do you? Banty |
teenager breaking curfew
In article , Banty says...
In article , Tony says... On Mar 9, 11:34 am, Banty wrote: In article , Tony says... G'morning. I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree. I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife. Advice? She's 18 - enough with the curfew. Banty Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you. What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it. You want a validation of your argument with your wife - gee I don't know. What *was* your arrangement as far as handling these things? I'm afraid you're going to see more 'big picture' responses here - you're not likely to get a stranger to limit themselves to decide if he or she is going to pony up for your side, or your ex's side, of your current little squabble. If you look at the implied conclusion of what has already been unanimously said - I guess your answer is "you're right". But for a different reason - not because particulars of what's going on between you and your ex on this squabble, but because of the relationship that you should not be building with your *now adult daughter*. That's a finger fumble I must correct: Your focus should be on the relationship you should *now* (correcting my 'not') be building with your now adult daughter. Banty Your |
teenager breaking curfew
Tony wrote in
oups.com: G'morning. I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree. I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife. Advice? she's an adult. if all she did was break curfew, i suspect you are lucky. i also suspect that should your ex-wife try to land like a box of bricks on your daughter, she's going to lose all her respect. who gives an 18 year old a curfew anyway? i had a curfew (9pm) until i went to college(age 17). after that my parents weren't trying to micromanage my life. i was expected to act my age. lee -- Last night while sitting in my chair I pinged a host that wasn't there It wasn't there again today The host resolved to NSA. |
teenager breaking curfew
Tony wrote in
oups.com: Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you. you do, however, have the right to know where she is going & with whom as long as she's under your roof. What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it. you are correct. she should be following the house rules, as long as they are sensible ones. it is not helpful to micromanage a young adult. and no, you should *not* be punishing her for breaking a rule that isn't yours. if her mother is micromanaging, then daughter will likely soon get fed up & move out, thereby limiting mom's influence. you don't need (or want) to get involved enough to also alienate your daughter... especially not over *this* issue! there might be things (drugs/alcohol) where you would want to team up with mom. choose your battles though. lee -- Last night while sitting in my chair I pinged a host that wasn't there It wasn't there again today The host resolved to NSA. |
teenager breaking curfew
On Mar 9, 12:19 pm, enigma wrote:
Tony wrote oups.com: Ok, I get it. No curfew for an 18 yrs old. Thank you. you do, however, have the right to know where she is going & with whom as long as she's under your roof. What about honoring rules in both homes? I have my own set of rules as does my ex. I don't think I should punish her for something she did at her mom's/ Let her deal with it. you are correct. she should be following the house rules, as long as they are sensible ones. it is not helpful to micromanage a young adult. and no, you should *not* be punishing her for breaking a rule that isn't yours. if her mother is micromanaging, then daughter will likely soon get fed up & move out, thereby limiting mom's influence. you don't need (or want) to get involved enough to also alienate your daughter... especially not over *this* issue! there might be things (drugs/alcohol) where you would want to team up with mom. choose your battles though. lee -- Last night while sitting in my chair I pinged a host that wasn't there It wasn't there again today The host resolved to NSA. Thanks, Lee. I appreciate your feedback. |
teenager breaking curfew
On Mar 9, 10:53�am, Tony wrote:
G'morning. I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree. I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife. Advice? Well, at my house when I was 18, it didn't matter that I was old enough to make my own decisions, as I was supposed to be old enough to understand that walking in at 3 a.m. was also disruptive to the other members of the household, so respecting that fact was also a part of learning responsibility and respect for others. If I wound up spending the night with a friend, so be it, as long as my parents knew it was an unplanned possibility ("i.e. Hey mom, I might spend the night at Cindi's," so they didn't worry their heads off that I had been left for dead in a ditch. At my house, 100% freedom to do as I pleased only came when I got my first apartment at almost 19. The two of you need to work out the plan of attack on the issue though and be on the same page. This will only come with open communication and in coming to an agreement. Why does your wife feel a curfew is still necessary? Her having two homes, one that doesn't enforce the punishment handed out in the other, only enforces her in breaking the rules at the other, and thereby disrespecting that parent. Afterall, she gets out of the punishment at the other place, so a two-week punishment may only wind up being one week based on where she is when. Maybe your ex is in the "know" on a few fronts that dad's don't always get to know - ya know, the daddy's little girl scenario. |
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