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Vickychick December 1st 03 03:42 PM

Dr. Phil
 
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)

Andrew December 1st 03 08:27 PM

Dr. Phil
 

"Vickychick" wrote in message
om...
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)


Hi,

I assume you are talking about single mothers? My thoughts are that single
parents can easily fall into trying to do too much and give too much of
themselves. There is only so much to go round at any one time and you need
to recharge yourself to be of most use to your kid. If you take no time out
you come to a point of diminishing returns at some stage and find you just
are'nt as useful to/good for your kid as you could be with a recharge. You
are the most important thing in your childs universe and its important to
keep yourself in tip top condition to fulfill that responsibility. One of
the hardest things to come to terms with is the fact that you should not
feel guilty for being human and needing some time to get yourself together
as well.I have scheduled a recharge for Dec 12th and I am going to a
function with some people I used to work with on a large project five or six
years ago. Intend to seriously let loose, my daughter is going to stay at my
sisters that night (I know my daughter will not be impressed but it won't do
her harm, there is another kid to play with, she gets on with them and will
be safe and I will feel revitalised (once the hangover subsides))

PS, the guilt thing, note I am justifying myself to myself and others in the
last bit.

PPS end of thoughts

Andrew



Tiffany December 1st 03 09:13 PM

Dr. Phil
 

Andrew wrote in message
...

"Vickychick" wrote in message
om...
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)


Hi,

I assume you are talking about single mothers? My thoughts are that single
parents can easily fall into trying to do too much and give too much of
themselves. There is only so much to go round at any one time and you need
to recharge yourself to be of most use to your kid. If you take no time

out
you come to a point of diminishing returns at some stage and find you just
are'nt as useful to/good for your kid as you could be with a recharge. You
are the most important thing in your childs universe and its important to
keep yourself in tip top condition to fulfill that responsibility. One of
the hardest things to come to terms with is the fact that you should not
feel guilty for being human and needing some time to get yourself together
as well.I have scheduled a recharge for Dec 12th and I am going to a
function with some people I used to work with on a large project five or

six
years ago. Intend to seriously let loose, my daughter is going to stay at

my
sisters that night (I know my daughter will not be impressed but it won't

do
her harm, there is another kid to play with, she gets on with them and

will
be safe and I will feel revitalised (once the hangover subsides))

PS, the guilt thing, note I am justifying myself to myself and others in

the
last bit.

PPS end of thoughts

Andrew



I am not sure if the original post was on single parenting but I like to add
that ALL parents fall into that trap of being to giving of themselves. Of
what I see around me and in my profession, it is not more or less of a
single parenting thing. It is a parenting issue. I also will add, that in
homes where there are two parents, it seems to me that the man is more
likely to take time for himself then the women. That is just what I see, no
stats to back it up. It could be the fathers are doing things to keep them
strong for the family while moms tend to think the family will cease to
exist without them there to control it?

T



CME December 1st 03 11:50 PM

Dr. Phil
 

'Kate wrote in message ...
On 1 Dec 2003 06:42:46 -0800, (Vickychick)
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)


Mothers are judged to a different standard than fathers. Because we
expect less from fathers, even the word "fathering" means fewer things,
fewer expectations than the word "mothering", then mothers will feel as
if there aren't enough hours in the day. Until the responsibilities of
the roles are truly equal with respect to responsibilities (income,
childcare, and housework), then mothers will continue to forego taking
time out for themselves. Fathers seem to be more able to do this. They
take the time that they need and then give to others. Perhaps it's
because of the way that we think of fathers. Their traditional role is
as income producer whereas mothers have traditionally taken care of
everything else regarding home and family. I can only theorize that the
idea of motherhood and fatherhood must change to catch up to the
economic changes in the operation of the family.

'Kate


I'm with you on this one Kate. I found that living with someone else
created more problems than helped ease them. I found I was doing even more
work, whereas that other person could have helped out more. I think when
it's just me, I have only myself to count on, and when I was living with
someone else, their expectations weren't in line with mine (clean house,
laundry done, the basics really). *sigh* I want to be in a relationship
where it's based on equality. I find that typically, even though I was
working or going to school full-time that *I* was still responsible for the
household duties and let me tell you, that didn't fly for very long. lol

Christine



HanK December 2nd 03 12:19 AM

Dr. Phil
 
as well.I have scheduled a recharge for Dec 12th and I am going to a
function with some people I used to work with on a large project five or

six
years ago. Intend to seriously let loose,


Have it large. Screw some bint. get over the hang over and subsequent
remorse, eat some carbs and do it all again next week!



CME December 2nd 03 01:10 AM

Dr. Phil
 

"HanK" wrote in message
...
as well.I have scheduled a recharge for Dec 12th and I am going to a
function with some people I used to work with on a large project five or

six
years ago. Intend to seriously let loose,


Have it large. Screw some bint. get over the hang over and subsequent
remorse, eat some carbs and do it all again next week!


Yeah and you thought my spending the night on the PC was lame...
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. *snicker* Yep, you're quite the role model.
;)

Christine



Paul Fritz December 2nd 03 01:47 AM

Dr. Phil
 

"CME" wrote in message
news:cBPyb.230510$jy.97087@clgrps13...

'Kate wrote in message

...
On 1 Dec 2003 06:42:46 -0800, (Vickychick)
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)


Mothers are judged to a different standard than fathers. Because we
expect less from fathers, even the word "fathering" means fewer things,
fewer expectations than the word "mothering", then mothers will feel as
if there aren't enough hours in the day. Until the responsibilities of
the roles are truly equal with respect to responsibilities (income,
childcare, and housework), then mothers will continue to forego taking
time out for themselves. Fathers seem to be more able to do this. They
take the time that they need and then give to others. Perhaps it's
because of the way that we think of fathers. Their traditional role is
as income producer whereas mothers have traditionally taken care of
everything else regarding home and family. I can only theorize that the
idea of motherhood and fatherhood must change to catch up to the
economic changes in the operation of the family.

'Kate


I'm with you on this one Kate. I found that living with someone else
created more problems than helped ease them. I found I was doing even

more
work, whereas that other person could have helped out more. I think when
it's just me, I have only myself to count on, and when I was living with
someone else, their expectations weren't in line with mine (clean house,
laundry done, the basics really). *sigh* I want to be in a relationship
where it's based on equality. I find that typically, even though I was
working or going to school full-time that *I* was still responsible for

the
household duties and let me tell you, that didn't fly for very long. lol

Christine


I think that in general, there is a vast chasm between what men consider
'clean' and what women do ;-)






Paul Fritz December 2nd 03 01:48 AM

Dr. Phil
 

'Kate wrote in message ...
On 1 Dec 2003 06:42:46 -0800, (Vickychick)
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)


Mothers are judged to a different standard than fathers. Because we
expect less from fathers, even the word "fathering" means fewer things,
fewer expectations than the word "mothering", then mothers will feel as
if there aren't enough hours in the day. Until the responsibilities of
the roles are truly equal with respect to responsibilities (income,
childcare, and housework), then mothers will continue to forego taking
time out for themselves. Fathers seem to be more able to do this. They
take the time that they need and then give to others. Perhaps it's
because of the way that we think of fathers. Their traditional role is
as income producer whereas mothers have traditionally taken care of
everything else regarding home and family. I can only theorize that the
idea of motherhood and fatherhood must change to catch up to the
economic changes in the operation of the family.

'Kate


Noooooooooooooo......its just that women in general live longer, so men need
to take the 'time outs' now, you can have them after we're gone ;-)



CME December 2nd 03 04:46 AM

Dr. Phil
 

"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...

"CME" wrote in message
news:cBPyb.230510$jy.97087@clgrps13...

'Kate wrote in message

...
On 1 Dec 2003 06:42:46 -0800, (Vickychick)
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to

her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It

was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too

much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)

Mothers are judged to a different standard than fathers. Because we
expect less from fathers, even the word "fathering" means fewer

things,
fewer expectations than the word "mothering", then mothers will feel

as
if there aren't enough hours in the day. Until the responsibilities of
the roles are truly equal with respect to responsibilities (income,
childcare, and housework), then mothers will continue to forego taking
time out for themselves. Fathers seem to be more able to do this.

They
take the time that they need and then give to others. Perhaps it's
because of the way that we think of fathers. Their traditional role

is
as income producer whereas mothers have traditionally taken care of
everything else regarding home and family. I can only theorize that

the
idea of motherhood and fatherhood must change to catch up to the
economic changes in the operation of the family.

'Kate


I'm with you on this one Kate. I found that living with someone else
created more problems than helped ease them. I found I was doing even

more
work, whereas that other person could have helped out more. I think

when
it's just me, I have only myself to count on, and when I was living with
someone else, their expectations weren't in line with mine (clean house,
laundry done, the basics really). *sigh* I want to be in a relationship
where it's based on equality. I find that typically, even though I was
working or going to school full-time that *I* was still responsible for

the
household duties and let me tell you, that didn't fly for very long. lol

Christine


I think that in general, there is a vast chasm between what men consider
'clean' and what women do ;-)


LOL yeah you got THAT right. I draw the line at laundry strewn across the
house when let's face it, it's not hard to toss it in the laundry basket, or
when I find wrappers stuffed under the cushions, I'm like FFS are you 3
years old? And I know it wasn't my kids because geez, they actually know
better. LOL

Christine



Paul Fritz December 2nd 03 06:01 AM

Dr. Phil
 

"CME" wrote in message
news:pWTyb.91503$oN2.36956@edtnps84...

"Paul Fritz" wrote in message
...

"CME" wrote in message
news:cBPyb.230510$jy.97087@clgrps13...

'Kate wrote in message

...
On 1 Dec 2003 06:42:46 -0800, (Vickychick)
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited

who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to

her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It

was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too

much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)

Mothers are judged to a different standard than fathers. Because we
expect less from fathers, even the word "fathering" means fewer

things,
fewer expectations than the word "mothering", then mothers will feel

as
if there aren't enough hours in the day. Until the responsibilities

of
the roles are truly equal with respect to responsibilities (income,
childcare, and housework), then mothers will continue to forego

taking
time out for themselves. Fathers seem to be more able to do this.

They
take the time that they need and then give to others. Perhaps it's
because of the way that we think of fathers. Their traditional role

is
as income producer whereas mothers have traditionally taken care of
everything else regarding home and family. I can only theorize that

the
idea of motherhood and fatherhood must change to catch up to the
economic changes in the operation of the family.

'Kate


I'm with you on this one Kate. I found that living with someone else
created more problems than helped ease them. I found I was doing even

more
work, whereas that other person could have helped out more. I think

when
it's just me, I have only myself to count on, and when I was living

with
someone else, their expectations weren't in line with mine (clean

house,
laundry done, the basics really). *sigh* I want to be in a

relationship
where it's based on equality. I find that typically, even though I

was
working or going to school full-time that *I* was still responsible

for
the
household duties and let me tell you, that didn't fly for very long.

lol

Christine


I think that in general, there is a vast chasm between what men consider
'clean' and what women do ;-)


LOL yeah you got THAT right. I draw the line at laundry strewn across the
house when let's face it, it's not hard to toss it in the laundry basket,

or
when I find wrappers stuffed under the cushions, I'm like FFS are you 3
years old? And I know it wasn't my kids because geez, they actually know
better. LOL

Christine


I forgot to add.....'my daughter being the exception to the rule" LOL








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