"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:F2wGg.14547$tP4.13528@clgrps12...
Would *I* be wrong to do this?

I'm sure I've posted the basic idea of what's going on lately (actually,
for some time now) and would I be in the wrong to cut the ties with Norm?

Yes. You don't have the right to bar a person from their child's life.
Kat, you have spent an inordinate amount of time posting of the trials
and tribulations of life with Norm - despite that he was your choice, you
chose to have a child with him, and you chose to have a second child with
him.

You may want to consider simply living your own life, concentrating your
energies on making a better life for you and your children, and spending
far less energy on someone or something that you will have no control
over, anyway.

He doesn't need an email, phone message, or letter from you stating that
he shouldn't come around - he isn't coming around anyway. So the only
thing contacting him, yet again, would accomplish is that you would
continue to deny to yourself that you are still trying to make things work
out, and he will continue to ignore your efforts, and around and around
you go.

Let him live his own life. Let him live with his own decisions. Let him
make things right, or screw them up, all on his own. He's going to,
anyway.

And you might want to do the same.

Not trying to slam you, Kat - but I've read your posts from the vantage
point of someone old enough to be your mother...... so for the moment, I'm
sounding it, too.

No, I think, deep down, this is almost what I wanted and needed to hear from
someone else on the complete outside who doesn't have a reason to side one
way or the other.
I'm not trying to be rude, testy, whatever, but if I don't have the right to
bar him from the kids, why is it that he can do that for himself? I just
get so tired of seeing the look, mainly on B's face, when HE tells the kid
that he'll be here and then, as usual, I get stuck trying to come up with a
reason as to why. A 5 year old just doesn't understand why he is told one
thing and then the complete opposite happens.
Do I not have the right to limit who comes in and out the house door? Is
keeping the people that should mean the most to the kids away when all they
see is his back turning on them and walking out on them more often than not,
complete with lies right to their faces wrong? I ask because I honestly
don't know.

I'm torn between what I think and what I hear. Our friends - mutual friends
we have - have told me to just shut him out, if he calls, don't answer, if
he shows up, don't answer the door. In ways I do see where this is coming
from, but other ways I don't think this is the right way to deal with it. I
also don't think that him coming and going when he feels like it is fair to
the kids on any level. It's also extremely hard for me to find a way to
move on with my own life with these kinds of actions. He'll come over
whenever it's convenient for him - not sure why. It makes it extremely
difficult as just when *we* (the kids and I) get into the swing of things,
he shows up which then - I know - causes confusion for them.

My family seems to be more willing and able to offer help and support - any
type - when I do not constantly open the door to him when he's good and
ready for a day or two or whatever. Right now, he is of no help or support
to me, or us, and my family is. It's also hard to take what friends and
family say because I feel like they're obviously fairly directly involved in
some ways and I know it's hard for me to make a fair judgement with people
who, I feel, side with me and against him. It just seems to make it so
hard, as even with one of my girl friends, who's boyfriend is Norm's friend
(on occasion, it seems) both of them (friend + her bf) say the same thing.
Even Norm's sister and brother have said that they wouldn't put up with
this, tell him to get lost and slam him with support payments. I don't
really see this as being the answer to any problem at all.