Dawn wrote:

Do you hang around middle schoolers yet? I can't remember your son's
age in relation to Henry's. They definitely go through a phase of
testing that could be seen by outsiders as "telling parents what to do"
and even "cussing them out" although Henry has never sworn at me in
public. Yes, it's serious and requires intervention, but I've also
observed it's fairly normal and (thankfully) relatively short-lived.

Yes. DS/DD have never sworn at me or at Martha, however.
I don't think DS has ever sworn period.


I think at this age and in our culture they see this behavior in
popular culture (movies, etc) and feel obligated to try it out. They
ALSO see, usually, parents responding negatively and with consequences
in pop culture, so I don't necessarily see the pop culture influence as
bad in this regard, as long as we do our jobs and go along with the
script (i.e. not tolerating it).

All of that said, I've also learned not to over-react as the reaction
is often what he seems to be looking for. My husband mentioned last
night that Henry, who had been punished earlier in the evening for
trying to sneak out next door in the middle of the night to see a
friend, seemed to be almost enjoying the "romance" (my husband's word)
of the whole adventure, including our reaction -- in fact, so much so
that we sat him down a second time to make sure he understood that he
would NOT be feeling this way again if he dares to make the same
mistake twice.


Excellent advice. I will add that my own nearly-teen will
sometimes obviously act out just so we can correct her. It's
like she knows what she's doing is wrong, but can't stop herself,
and it's a relief when we step in. I don't expect this to
happen, though, with DS, our own Mr. SuperCautious.

The good kids are out there -- you just don't notice them

Scott DD 12 and DS 10