In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article ,
dragonlady says...

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , Robyn Kozierok
says...

In article ,
animzmirot wrote:

I think a family member should not
be so controlling as to hog an item for themselves and not share it.

That doesn't seem to be what's going on here. Claire simply wants to be
informed if someone used up her "special treats". I handle this by
keeping
my special treats in my office. I will share, if asked, but the kids
aren't
allowed to just take them as they can with other snacks in the house.
That
way, I know myself if we are running out.

And what exactly is wrong with keeping some goodies to oneself anyway?
What
is
being inappropriately controlled?? Unless little chocolate bars or
favorite
tea
cookies will be going to their shrinks saying "I was purchased by a
controlling
household"

I think that what I'm reacting to when I hear about someone buying
special treats for themselves is households where the parents get the
good stuff, and eat it in front of the kids -- but won't let the kids
have any. I know they are rare, but I've run into it, and find it
pretty offensive.

I don't think that's at all the same thing as what we're talking about.
There
is a long way from being the *only* people to eat the good stuff (and, from
your
descriptions, enjoying in front of everyone) to want to be able to partake in
one's favorite foods hardly *at all*, and not want to see it has dissappeared
because our attention had been turned to running a household an earning a
living.


I know; I was explaining why I think I react so strongly (over react,
probably) to this sort of thing.


Heck, when I was a kid I can remember a couple of family gatherings
where the grownups got steak off the grill -- and the kids got hot dogs.
I don't mind eating hot dogs, but not while others are eating steak! My
parents would never do that -- they might offer us a choice -- but these
were events where someone else was providing the food, and we had better
manners than to challenge the situation.

Are you sure it wasn't simply because the kids by and large preferred the hot
dogs?

I'm sure that's what they told themselves; however, I found ways (at
other times) to make SURE my aunts and uncles knew how much I liked
steak, but still was not offered steak at barbeques; that was only for
the adults.



Except for situations like a lunch room, I won't eat in front of other
people without offering them some of whatever I'm eating, and that
includes children.

My parents taught us that rule -- on the other hand, I didn't know my
mother liked lox until I was in my 20's. Apparently she craved them
when she was pregnant -- but there was no way she could afford for US to
find out we liked them, so she bought them and hid them behind the
vegetables . . .

Well, this is interesting. Would you say that your mother, in order not to
be
selfish, should have resolved that dilemma by self-denial?

No -- actually, I think it's pretty funny that I'd never tasted lox
until after I left home, and just assumed my mother didn't even know
what they were, and that I would be able to introduce HER to them.

I don't think it's necessary to forgo things like that, necessarily --
but I would have thought it unreasonable if she'd put them in plain
sight, and told us that they were all for HER. As it was, what we
didn't know didn't hurt us. (We were pretty poor -- I know now that
there were a number of things she just never fed us, because she figured
they couldn't afford for us to find out we liked, say, shrimp or
lobster.)

Similarly, I would think it unreasonable if we'd kept, say, coke in the
house (DH used to have a serious addiction to the stuff) and told the
kids that it was just for him.


I think the situation being discussed, and I've run into it mostly in roomate
situations (in my family of origin we *were* expected to keep hands off
goodies
without asking - truly, it can be done!) it does get to the point that one
just
gives up on doing or having anything special. I mean, really, does a virgin
hand-baked three-teired fancily frosted cake HAVE to have written on it
"Grandma and Grandpa's 50th Wedding Anniversary" in order for some impulsive
lout not to chop a big square out of it in the middle of the afternoon 'cause
he'd run out of microwave popcorn? That is an oppresive thing to have to
live
with, too. Because the net effect of that is that nice things don't happen
as
often. Like with your mother's lox.

But would you expect the kids to put up with looking at said cake if
they were NEVER going to be allowed to eat it?

Once in a while, one of us will bake something special to take to work,
or for some occassion outside the house. Most of the time, we try to
bake extra so that the folks who live here won't have to not even taste
it.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care