Hi -

Have you sat down with your son (at a different time, NOT when he's
leaving his dad's house) to ask why he has tantrums at departure time?
Listen carefully to what he says; the truth may be hidden between his
words, and not too explicit.

Does his dad give him warnings so that he knows departure is imminent?
Do you whisk him away when you arrive or give him time to get his stuff
together? Do you remind him that you know he misses his dad, but he'll
see his dad again soon?

Does he see enough of his dad? Enough for your son to feel good about
seeing his dad and then returning to you? Weekends-only might not feel
like enough for him, for example. (And if he doesn't feel as though
he's seeing enough of his dad then you need to sit down with him and
discuss your sharing arrangements. You don't necessarily need to CHANGE
the arrangements, but you need to get your son's buy-in.)

And then, of course, you need to consider how everyone in the trio (you,
your son, his dad) are treating each other, how well you're all paying
attention to your son, how well you're talking ABOUT each other, etc.

And finally, remember that even after a year, the arrangement may feel
temporary because the divorce wasn't finalized. Maybe your son is
hoping you'll all be together again, or stuff like that.

Good luck.
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.