Hugs Donna. I think what you are going through is totally normal. The only
thing I can recommend is that you pick up a hobby or craft, something to do
with your hands that creates something, to help you pass the time, entertain
your mind, and keep you busy. I sewed a lot of baby blankets while I waited
for Taylor to be born. Like you, I had experienced losses, and didn't
really believe that this was actually going to happen. I had the added
complication of Taylor growing in another woman's womb, and the issue of
relinquishments, etc, but the concept was the same -- I didn't know for
sure, or really believe, that I'd actually be bringing home a baby around
her due date. I sold my baby blankets to friends and relatives, but could
easily have donated them to hospitals for baby's who died, or woman's
shelters, or Dr. Laura's MyStuff bags. Whatever. I don't know what you
"do" craft or hobby wise, but something like that, that you are working on
to donate, might help you pass the time and feel good about your time off.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
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Check out our Adoption Page at http://home.earthlink.net/~jamielee6


"Donna Metler" wrote in message
...

The last day of school was yesterday-and I'm hitting major depression.
I've
wanted this baby for a long time, and I've known since Brian was born that
when I next got pregnant, I would be leaving teaching pretty soon after
the
pregnancy was confirmed, rather than waiting until the baby was born. But
this morning, when I woke up and realized that until December, when
"Cuddles" decides to make his/her appearance (and I certainly hope he/she
WAITS until December!) I literally have NOTHING to do. For the last 10
years, my life has either been teaching, or preparing to teach over
breaks.
Because of the pregnancy, the only dates on my calendar for this summer
(except for my birthday-which is an issue in itself, since I'm definitely
aware that I'm hoping to be bringing home a first baby after just about
everyone I know has decided they're done having them) are doctor's
appointments, phone calls to the midwife, and perinatologist appointments.
No travel, no graduate classes, nothing.

Even for the last month, the only thing I've really heard from anyone is
questions about the pregnancy. Most of the people I'm friends with locally
are other teachers-and while I may have more in common with some after the
baby comes, again, everyone I know either has quite a bit older children,
or
is single and not really planning to have any. A lot of people don't
completely approve of my being pregnant again regardless. I've also got
friends in support groups, but I can hardly complain to women who have
been
struggling to get pregnant or who have gone through repeated losses that
I'm
upset about not being able to work while pregnant, can I??

I don't want to do too much with the nursery and getting things ready-and
have told everyone no showers or baby-related gifts until at least
November
1st, because I'm so aware that for me pregnancy does not always equal a
baby. I started cleaning out the closet in the middle bedroom (which has
had
my teaching and craft stuff stored in it, but will be needed for the
nursery), and just couldn't do it. I've always planned to be a SAH mom
after
I had a baby-and I suspect that if I was leaving work at 8 1/2 months
pregnant, things would be different. But right now, I'm 8 weeks and this
baby isn't even due until after 1st semester of next year ends. And right
now, I feel good and the pregnancy is going beautifully. But, I know that
if
I work (or even if I do too much at home) and if anything goes wrong, I'll
blame myself for it.

Is it normal to feel this upset about life changes? And to be wondering
right now if maybe I would have been better off adopting another kitten
instead of trying so hard to get pregnant again??

--
Donna DeVore Metler
Orff Music, band, and choir, Lester Focused Literacy School

Mother to Angel Brian Anthony Metler, 1/1/02, (22 weeks, severe PE/HELLP
syndrome)
And "Cuddles"-EDD 12/29/04