Richard wrote:
My 32mo daughter often says "no" when she means "yes". As a simple
example, my wife leaves in the morning before I do (I take DD to
daycare). As my wife is leaving, she'll ask DD for good-bye hugs and
kisses. DD sometimes says, no, she doesn't want any. Maybe she's

Here is the problem. You are giving her a choice.

If you don't want the answer to be no -- and then have
a meltdown -- don't ask the question. It's really
that simple.

I suggest you change the routine so that your wife just
hugs and kisses your daughter, but doesn't do any asking.
Of course, at some point, you'll have a daughter not
wanting a hug/kiss. At which point you have this
interaction:

Daughter: I don't want a hug/kiss.
Mother: You don't have to. I'm doing this for me.
hug, kiss. Bye.

FWIW, I think your daughter understands perfectly well
what she's doing. Look at all the attention she's getting
when she does it. She knows exactly which of your
buttons to push. It is very common behavior you are
seeing and you are doing everything in your power
to promote it.

Scott DD 12 and DS 9