xkatx wrote:
"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...

It does sound like there's an element of a power
struggle. It seems like for whatever reason, he doesn't
like the rules (reasonable as they may be) and this is
his way of pushing back.

This might seem fair and reasonable.
I have noticed that the worst time for this is at dinner, and I've also
noticed his behaviour in general seems to be less than desireable at this
time of the year when the kids are all outside playing. DS has picked up a
real mouth and attitude, and it does seem to stem from these other boys.
Yes, I know DS is the only one who should be responsible for his own
behaviour like this, but it's just frustrating. The food is the first
battle I would like to pick and conquer with him.
Winter comes, the neighbourhood kids aren't all outside, and he turns back
into the little boy that he can be - listens and is just a typical boy for
his age. Spring comes around and the other kids come out and well, it just
seems to bring along some major issues, and yes, at times, it does appear
that he just doesn't like the rules. I think this *might* have something to
do with the simple fact that he does have rules and expectations from us.
These other kids, OTOH, don't seem to have that from their parents. It's
not uncommon for me to see one or a few of these boys in the neighbourhood
out wandering around at 9, 10pm. On a school night. Not that it matters,
but I wouldn't wander aimlessly around at that hour, I would never allow my
child to either. Many of the other kids - 97% of the time the other parents
have no idea (or seem to care) where their children are or what they're
doing.

Is it an issue in the fall as well? Have you considered
allergies as a possible culprit? I know when DS1's seasonal
allergies kick up, not only is he dealing with itchy eyes and
a runny nose, but it affects his mood and behavior as well.
He gets generally cranky and resistant. In fact, I usually
notice the behavioral change before he notices the eyes/nose/
throat issues.

Are you implying above that the food hiding thing wasn't
happening in the winter, and is a new phenomenon? I understand
from your past posts that he's a bit of a challenging child to
deal with, and that you have to be fairly firm with him. There
are some areas where kids a traditionally very capable of
mounting a resistance if they feel (rightly or wrongly) that
they've been too controlled. Potty training and eating are
the prime examples of those. They know they hold most of the
cards with these two areas. You can't make them eat, and you
can't make them go in the potty...and they know it. It may be
helpful to back off on the "you must eat X or else Y" rules
for a bit and instead concentrate on the table rules that
have to do with him being a pleasant dinner companion. For
some kids who are prone to engaging in power struggles, you
may be better off being very strict about a minimal set of
rules that are absolutely necessary, and then let him make
his own decisions in areas that aren't as important. For
instance, of the table rules you described, the ones that
seem more expendable to me would be the ones about him having
to finish every bite of what he takes and an "acceptable" amount
of what he's served. If he goes wild eating between meals,
you could specify particular snack times so he's not eating
all day and spoiling his meals. He's going to decide what to
put in his mouth anyway, so why create a power struggle over
it? And if he is responsible for cleaning up what he drops/
hides, then that isn't an effective way of getting back at
you for the rules he's resenting. Making a mess doesn't create
more work for you. It just creates more work for him. Of course,
being a clever sort, he's likely to find a way to make the
cleaning more work for you as well, so if you go in that
direction, you'll need to have a strategy in mind for how
you'll deal with it when he balks at cleaning and makes it
five times as much work as if you'd just taken care of it
yourself.

Best wishes,
Ericka