On Mon, 3 Nov 2008 07:35:13 -0800, "toypup"
wrote:

He absolutely has a problem controlling rage. What to do about that is the
question. It certainly isn't acceptable, especially if he were an adult, so
we must rein it in now.

Have you tried teaching any anger management techniques that he can
use?

I've posted this befo

Self-Calming Techniques

We have learned to teach our children to name feelings which is good,
but need to teach them how to cope with feelings.

Your first defense is heading off things before the situation starts
to deteriorate.

Prevention: give choices; say yes when you can (yes – you can have a
cookie after dinner); use skills you’ve learned (e.g., leaving the
house, give warning, transitional object).

We do want to help kids identify and name their feelings. But we
really want to teach our kids how to cope with their feelings. These
are life skills. The emotionally literate child is more likely to be
successful in school, at work and in interpersonal relationships.
Emotional intelligence helps safeguard children from drug and alcohol
addiction, eating disorders, aggressive behavior and depression.

When we pay more attention to certain emotions we see more of it
(e.g., your child falls down and looks to Mom to see if they should
cry).

The Self-Calming Plan

1. Acknowledge and name the feeling (just knowing someone is
empathetic helps)
2. Set limits (its okay to be angry but hitting the cat is not okay)
3. Offer self-calming choices (limit two for young children)


Six Categories

Audio/Verbal
listen to calming music, sing a song, talk to someone sympathetic
ear), listen to water, use your words

Visual
look at/read a book, look outside, go to your happy place, watch an
aquarium

Creative
draw a picture (mad picture), make something (craft or cook), write a
letter (journal), write/draw on paper and throw it away

Self-nurturing
get a hug, get a snack (hungry? – low blood sugar; careful, don't just
offer food as substitute), take a warm bath

Physical
(these ideas can be better than a time-out) run, shake (hands or all
over, like a wet puppy), relax muscles (melt like a snowman), breathe
(pretend to be a balloon and then blow bubbles), hug yourself, hug a
critter, playdough, float like a feather, massage

Humor
watch a funny video (funniest animals), make silly faces, read a funny
book, find humor in a situation

**Use different calming techniques for anger, versus anxiety, versus
sadness.

**For frustration with toys, ask what you can do different next time.

**With younger kids, experiment with what works. For older kids, don’t
forget to communicate – ask them what works.

Pick out a couple of self-calming techniques to suggest ahead of time
(for, or with your child depending on age). Observe your child. They
may have come up with something on their own. Consider the types of
stress. You may want to offer different self-calming choices for anger
or frustration than you would for being anxious.

What could we do different next time? Talk about it when both of you
are calm.


Kids go through three stages as they learn self-calming skills:

1. They learn the activity itself. If a child can’t do the activity
easily when calm, asking him/her what to do when upset will increase
anger or frustration rather than decrease it.

2. They notice that doing an activity changes how they feel.

3. They realize that they can use a specific activity to intentionally
change how they feel.

Breathing often works well if you practice it as a game when the child
is calm. Then you can start breathing yourself and he *may* follow
along with you. You do have to notice that he is *getting* angry
though as when a child is raging, they usually cannot stop and do
something else until they finish their rage.




--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits