Betsy wrote:

Okay, I HAVE been abused. I have to say that I agree with what these
folks are saying to the extent of ignoring it. As my mother once had
a T-shirt that said, "Don't let the *******s get you down." YOU have
the power to not read the posts.

You are not listening to me when I say that I feel a deep need to not turn
my back on dangerous people like Tom who has threatened to take his
harassment of me offline and has in fact done so twice and he knows my real
name and location so he has the power to carry through. You people aren't
going to defend me so obviously I have to defend myself. Gee, I'm so busy
worrying about him now I've forgotten all about my son.

If you allow yourself to be hurt by
petty name calling, you are allowing yourself to be a victim.

Petty name calling? ****, bitch, these are petty name calling? No, these
are gender specific slurs, he most definitely singles out women for his hate
as he has a really twisted woman hating issues. Feeling pain when men
attack me is not my fault, duh. Tom and Paul are quite capable of choosing
who they attack and they are quite capable of stopping their behavior, it is
their responsibility, not mine.


You
can not be victimized if you will not allow it.

Lack of control over being hurt is the very definition of victim. Why am I
the only one who seems to get this? If you don't want to stand up to Tom
and Paul that is your prerogative but don't give me this highly developed
argument about how it is all my fault that they are making fun of my mental
illness and of my feminist ideals and of my gender because I refuse to
ignore them.

I have been called
cold hearted, and a bitch more often than I can count; mostly by
people who meet the profile of an abuser. Mainly because I stand up
for myself.

um, I stand up for myself too...

They don't like it if they can't hurt you. If it hurts
your feelings, don't let them see it. It took me awhile, but I got
there. You can too. It's likely more difficult for you because of
the extent of abuse, and the mental illness, but it is not
impossible. You may think I am attacking you, or assigning the blame
to you, but actually this is an attempt at empowerment. I will
probably be criticized for it. I don't really care. If you hear the
meaning in my words, fine. If not, I can do nothing more. Good
Luck.

Betsy

I can see that you are trying to help me and I take your advice in the
spirit with which it is intended but when I am told to ignore the abuser and
that it is my fault they are abusing me what I hear is "shut up and take the
abuse like a good girl" and it just makes me want to point and scream. See?