"John Dunn" wrote in message
le.rogers.com...
THis is a tricky subject for sure...

I think a good test you could try is this. Since you are already above
being
honest by using spyware etc, why not invite the guy over, or call him, or
Message/Email him, and honestly try to convince him that she tested
positive
for pregnancy. See what this guy is really made of. Even start a rumour
that
she is pregnant in town. This if anything will make the guy think twice..
maybe even scare him. You could tell him that you know her very well and
she
has put holes in condomes of previous boyfriends to get pregnant so she
can
have someone to love her. That should scare him but good! So much so that
he
might even have problems getting it up! (Sarcasm aside)...

Wont work...he knows she's cleaned up her mom's FRESH blood & even her mom
as well immediatly after a fight & her mother (my mother too) supposedly
tested HIV+ 8 months ago. So pregnancy wont work if he's willing to risk
that she's not + (though there are many other factors to support that the
person who told her/us this was only lying to hurt her, but she wont listen
to reason that her father who doesn't care for her at all & shows it & has
only hurt her in the past will suddenly show up without any contact in a
long time saying that her mom has HIV & not be lieing about it...when no one
else was notified either & mom denies it too...Allot of other things on
this, but she still believes that her mother & possibly herself are HIV+).

Also, why not tell the truth to your sister. You are all worried about her
lying to you, yet you are lying to her about surveilence. Tell her that
you
have have this software installed as it is an invasion of her privacy for
you not to. I know you are going to be upset, but please take five seconds
to breath, then read the next line.

They dont know I'm doing this...I dont want them to know until I have enough
evidence because I dont want to scare them into being too suspicious.

What would you feel like if you found out someone was using a surveilence
software on you without first notifying you?

Would you be upset to find out someone was spying on you & ran in to prevent
you from trying to wire up a bomb when you had no clue of what you were
doing? I have always felt that regardless of who it is used on, surveylence
is good if used in the right way. I dont mind if someone is spying on me
because I have nothing to hide & could care less about anything they find
out. Yes I know she could be reading this, but let her if she is.
Knowledge itself is not bad, its the way it is used.

I do not support predators etc, and as someone said, including the police,
she is initiating most of this, so instead of being adversarial, why not
instead, try to talk nicely to her about it. Why not try to find out why
she
likes this guy, How did they meet? Are they in school together? He could
be
an adult student returning to highschool or something like that, but I am
just saying that maybe with a different approach of kindness rather than
lying, deciept and control, you can maybe just be kind of cool with her
instead, and ask for forgivness if you have been dominating her, and just
chat with her as a sibling.

Why do people assume that I didn't try the honest approach first? I did
that FIRST, for over a month & she saw that as a perfect chance to lie to me
& go even further behind my back...thats when I started reading the chat
logs & found stuff I needed to take to the sex crimes division (who didn't
give a sh*t)! She likes him "because he's cool", & he is cool "because he
is" (you know where that goes). She met him from her 19yr old (slutty)
friend, a former boyfriend of hers (this girl's former boyfriends have a
habbit of being preditors & pediphiles...one 21yr old recently got a 15yr
old girl pregant within months of her admitting to having been molested for
many years by her step father...people who know someone has been through
stuff like that & see it as a perfect opportunity to take advantage of
someone...THOSE kind of guys).

Maybe inform her of the ramifications that can legally happen to you, and
even emotionally why you are concerned. She is your little sister and you
love her. Tell her that. Let her know, that you are honestly worried, get
a
video, a real video not a movie, from an adoption agency which kids who
have
had kids talk about having to give up her kid for adoption. There are so
many ways to do it aside from devieving her.

Thats not an important point to her by now...she doesn't care...she's shown
obcession with him...we used to be pretty close until he came along & then
she's quit spending time with me unless I'm spending money on her (& not
meaning a few $) & even then I have to force it. The emotional effects of
giving your kid up for adoption dont work on someone who only met their
brother & sister a few years ago because similar situation happened to them.
She understands what that did to HER (our) mother & to us as well.

At her age, she is going to do what ever she wants. This is only natural.
You can not stop her from it all the time, so by providing her with some
education, and friendship instead of heavy handedness, you can hopefully
also maybe improve your own relationship with your sister, who is your
sister for life. So hopefully you can work something out.

My final suggestion, and a very serious one, is to print this email, or
select portions of it if you prefer to keep the surveilence software part
hidden from her (I don't condone that) and cut and paste a letter as If
you
were asking for advice and you got it, then accidentally leave it in her
bathroom or on the table or in the living room.

Let her see you are worreid about her and actively asking for help. In
your
letter, write how much you love her and are worried about her so she can
see
it on her own terms, without her having to worry about saving face... or
you
know what I mean..

She already knows I'm asking for help...problem is she is beyond caring
about it.

John Dunn