'Kate wrote in message ...
On Thu, 11 Mar 2004 17:43:47 GMT, "xkatx" .

"Daniel" wrote in message ...
I'm posting in here because I've not got much (if any) help elsewhere.
Sorry
if this is somewhat long, but allot is going on.
snip


Wow. This hits me damn close to home. Reading this, I honestly saw
myself
in a lot of it. To be completely honest, I can really say, "Been there,
done that!"

I was 15. I had a "boyfriend" who was 20, but had the mentality of a 13
year old, I see now. He was slow, stupid, had no ambition, no job, no
home
aside from living off his 18 year old brother, who was also trying to
support their mother and a cousin of about the same age. I got into
'hanging' out with him, and his brother/cousin, and next thing I knew, I
was
15 years old, pregnant, and even before they knew I was pregnant, I was
already on bad terms with them. My grades in school dropped because I
had
just stopped going to school all together, just to go hang out at his
trashy
little apartment. I now see everything had broken my parents' (and
family's) heart to have to go through it all, and all because of me. If
what you say is really how everything is, I can GUARANTEE you that she's
going to end up pregnant, and where do you think Mr. Wonderful will be?
He'll move on. If he shows such little respect for his own parents, and
your sister right now, when the **** hits the fan, he'll be gone faster
than
a fart in the wind.

This child, and yes, she is still a child, needs to know that you do love
her. She needs to be shown that you love her and care for her and don't
want to hurt her. You need to enforce rules and yes, structure. This is
YOUR house that she is living in. YOU make the rules. You are not her
father, and you aren't expected to be, but you just might be the best
male
role model she's ever had and maybe ever will have. You have taken on
the
parenting roll of your sister, and for that, I'd give you a pat on the
back
and my best wishes because I know it's hard. You need to be cutting that
Internet, or putting limits on it. There's many, MANY programs for all
platforms and computers that will allow you to lock up your computer, and
putting a password on your screen saver is useless because a quick reboot
will disable that. Lock unauthorized users out of your system because
it's
your computer, your Internet, your power, your home, YOUR RULES. Limit
her
time on the telephone, and monitor her calls if you can. Sit beside her
in
the same room and read a book while she's on the phone if you must, but
don't make it obvious that you're actually 'watching' her, if you can.
She'll give you looks of death the whole time, but looks can't kill. Set
concrete rules, and let all rules have consequences, both 'good' and
'bad.'
If she doesn't want to live by your rules, then that's too bad for her.

Here, the age of consent is 14. I believe there's also x amount of years
difference for minors, but I'm not 100% sure. Does she pay rent? Bills?
Maybe she can get a job to fill some time, although I know that's an
impossible thought. I honestly don't know what to suggest because I was
on
her side at that age, not yours. Send her to me for a month and she can
find out what the reality is of being a single, teen parent, and having 2
babies long before her 18th birthday.

There's a lot you can use to fill up her time, like said before, sports
teams, music lessons, teen church groups, rehab, since that's something
she
just might need, and if not right now, almost definitely in the near
future
if she keeps being so wild and a danger to herself, mainly, and those who
actually do love her and care for her, and really, this little boyfriend
of
hers does not appear to actually care for her.

I don't know. If anyone wants to flame, flame away. I've been through
the
EXACT same thing, as the wild teen, so I can definitely relate on a very
high level, but as far as suggestions go, I'm all out of them.
How about the time you are going to be away (although I'm not sure why
you'd
go away, unless, of course, it is absolutely necessary) you can ship her
off
to me and she can have a small taste of what could be reality. lol
(j/k)

Hey, Kat... hugs to you for speaking out about your own life to help
someone else. Nothing beats the voice of experience.

Yes...thanks.