zolw wrote:

Whoa, this is an awfully accusatory message!


First of all, I want to say that your wife is either very brave or she
has no idea what sort of pain she is going to get into

Why? I didn't have an unassisted childbirth, but I've
been through three births in which my midwives were, at my
request, very hands off. It didn't seem to bother me any.

How far away do you live from a hospital? Maybe you can both get
educated about unassisted child birthing, then make her watch some
delivery videos (just so that she gets the idea & how hard it is). If
she still insists on having the baby all by herself (& you live close to
a hospital) then let her do as she pleases, when things get too much,
you can always go to the hospital.

Did you perhaps mean to say *if* things get too much?

As for her idea of "people" looking at her. Well, they probably aren't,
besides, she will not be aware of their eyes.

This is not necessarily true. Study after study after
study shows that the people present at a birth and their
relationship with the mother *do*, in fact, affect the progress
(and the safety) of labor and delivery. It can certainly
matter a great deal, especially to some women. I don't think
it's appropriate or polite to dismiss her concerns like that.

Also, it seems that the
problem is that having a midwife at home would be too expensive, well
she would also look at her, wouldn't she? Maybe you need to try to talk
logic with her.

The relationship with a homebirth midwife tends to be far
more intimate. It's a far cry from birthing in front of L&D
nurses (or maybe even on call doctors/midwives) whom one has never
even met.

She might want to weigh it in too. What is more important for her? The
health of the baby or her comfort?

Ooooh, this argument always makes me see red. How would
you feel if I said, "What's more important to you? Your comfort
or your baby's health?" with respect to whether or not you
choose an epidural? Epidurals do, after all, have risks. Would
you not, quite rightly, tell me precisely where I could stuff
that question? Unassisted childbirth isn't for everyone, and
there are certainly cases in which it is unacceptably risky.
However, for some people in some situations it can be a
reasonable choice--just as for some women in some situations
it is reasonable to choose an epidural even though epidurals
present increased risks.

Best wishes,
Ericka