x-no-archive:yes Penny Gaines wrote:

Rosalie B. wrote in :
[snip]
I agree with Banty that manners are not so common now (I think it is
incredibly rude to bring wedding gifts TO a wedding as it results in
all kinds of chaos no matter how well it is handled).

So just as one must put reply cards in wedding invitations because
otherwise (and even so) people will not tell you if they are coming or
not, one must also specify about presents on an invitation. And that
is absolutely against etiquette to do.
[snip]

I don't think it is that there are *no* manners, just that they
are *different* manners.

So just like UK wedding invites don't have lots of different envelopes
(the invitees names are on the invitation itself), most UK weddings
have arrangements for receiving presents. Postage in the UK is
sufficiently expensive that if you don't live near the bride and groom
it would be too expensive to mail it.

Can the postage expense not be figured into the cost of the gift?
When I shop I mostly shop by catalog, and the shipping charge is part
of the cost.

The problems here are that presents are commonly put on a table, but
the giver may (often does) forget to put a card in them under the
impression that he or she will give the gift directly to the bridal
couple and that the couple will REMEMBER who it was that handed them
that specific present. This latter assumption is especially
unrealistic.

Or the card is outside the package and gets separated. So no one
(except the giver) knows who the present is from. If the bride and
groom actually open the presents at the reception, the separation of
the card and gift becomes even more of a problem.

Plus someone must be delegated to log the gifts in and take the
presents somewhere after the reception, without getting them broken or
damaged.

And there is the not insignificant problem of theft. From the
reception, from the car of the person doing the transporting, or from
the house or apartment of the honeymooning couple.

When you read older books, the manners then are quite different to now.
At times manners have been very formal, with strict details on such
things as when and how long to visit people (afternoons only, leave
after 15 minutes), other times they are informal and apparently
left to the individual to decide.

Yes I've got an etiquette book from the 1800s which is quite amusing
to read. But while formal calls are not made anymore, there's a basic
underlying appropriateness of behavior. Such as that it's rude to
overstay your welcome, and the people in the neighborhood should
welcome a newcomer.

grandma Rosalie