"Ericka" wrote in message
...
Kat wrote:

I'm also thinking that maybe this morning is a better time than last
minute... I'll bet that right after, he'll most likely go on his way
playing outside with the other kids and everything else as usual, and
maybe even then he can even have some time where he can tell a friend as
well or something, before or after his expected questions towards me.
The problem, though, is that I don't know what happened, really. I did
ask my mom and all she really said was that his heart just gave out.
Obviously if a question of, "Did it hurt him? Did it last a long time?"
and so on, I don't know, and I assume not, but even if I knew there was
some kind of horrible, horrible, suffering death involved, I wouldn't be
telling him that yes, it hurt very, very badly. There was lots of blood
and guts and suffering! It was sooo bad, you're lucky you didn't see it!
(or something like that lol)

Of course. The cardinal rule with younger children
is to give them answers that relate to what they're really
asking, not necessarily giving them every detail. If he asks
if it hurt, you can just say that you don't know all the details
but you're sure that the doctors and nurses did everything they
could to make him comfortable. Generally, when kids are asking
about death, they're not looking for an encyclopedic answer.
They're trying to figure it out in terms that relate to themselves.
So, they're wondering who else is going to die, if they're
going to die, if it's going to hurt *them* when they die,
etc.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Well, he didn't really ask much - I think I offered more info than he asked
for... I just brought it up about Tuesday as he has his hot lunch day that
he's been waiting for (and I paid an unusually high price for lol) and said
that he's not going to be at school on Thursday because we have a funeral,
then told him. When I said it was uncle that died, he snapped his head
towards me and said, "What!?" and then he seemed alright. No real
questions, but I did offer the reminder that this uncle has been very sick
lately - and he knows that - and that his heart just gave out, pretty much.
I also promised him that since he's going to miss his hot lunch at school
that day, we'll stop at the same pizza place the hot lunch is coming from
and take it to Grandma's and that sounds like a plan for him.
But... I realize because he didn't ask or say much this morning, it doesn't
mean he won't later today, tonight, tomorrow morning, Tuesday or 9 Tuesdays
from now.