'Kate wrote in message ...
On Tue, 4 May 2004 07:16:54 -0400, "Tiffany"

'Kate wrote in message
...
On Mon, 3 May 2004 21:14:25 -0400, "Tiffany"

I never thought I would be so happy to be home. We made it through the
wake
and funeral. As soon as we walked into the funeral home, Sage was
greeted
with love and tears. She was able to grieve and cry and get hugs and
cry.
Then this morning, it was all over again. I will never understand all
the
ceremonial stuff that Catholics do. No offense intended. It was to
much
though.

Yeah... that kind of thing really depends on who is performing the
ceremony. My mother's catholic funeral was lovely but 20 some-odd
years
ago when my father had his at the same church, it was awful.

I was so appreciative of all the love that is given to S and me. Her
especially. I couldn't tell the family enough how much thanks they
deserve
for loving her and excepting her. She was able to speak with D, who is
her
father's girlfriend and current carrier of the soon to be
half-brother/sister. Me and her also had the chance to talk about her
continue contact with S that I said is great and some other personal
things.

I'm glad you had the chance to open a door with her. I can only
imagine
that it was an uncomfortable situation all around for you.

lol... yeah a little. She thinks so highly of him, I think she was blinded
by love.


Yeah, it was weird at first but she was also glad that I seemed to be the
only one wondering how they could put him in a suit and why they were
doing
all the ceremonial stuff, ect. He was a Deadhead before I met him 14
years
ago...... she wished her input could have been more valid. I agreed that
they were doing things the 'right way' but it was wrong for him.

I understand that completely. I sent Phil's favorite jeans (501 shrink
to fit button fly) and the t-shirt that he cherished that was from the
kids the father's day before. I'm sure there were some who thought he,
perhaps, didn't own a suit but his job was a suit job. It just wasn't
who he was to us or to himself.

snip stuff

There's no right way to feel. The relationship that you had with her
father was not the best. Much of that was because of his behaviors.
You may never feel the loss... or you may feel a more practical side of
things. Or, as in my case, I grieved the loss of the potential of a
better future together, the possibility of him handling his bipolar
disorder, and his willingness to be a father to the children again.
That saddened me the most.

That sounds like a hard situation. One wonders why things happen but I often
see that 'why'. Look at what you are doing with your life, which could have
resulted from the things you went through. You will continue on, helping
others.

I do know he was in chronic pain, his mother said the doctor said he was
probably going to lose his leg and be in a wheelchair. Now granted his
disability comes about due to a attempt to fly out a 3 story window while
high as a kite. She told me she thinks this is best, his dying in his sleep.
She also took a look at his meds and one of them has a RARE side effect of
sudden death. They did an autopsy and wrote it off as natural causes. No
illegal drugs in his system but he has his own legal drugs to take. I am
going to wait some then eventually get a look at his medical information.
Seems odd that someone goes to the doctor only to die the next day.

I babble and babble. I need sleep.

Tiffany