"Vickie" wrote in message
oups.com...
I think the threat of her husband is in the background now, with his
being incarcerated. She has welfare, food stamps, etc. I am pretty
sure she has called someone on her behalf for help. I remember her
saying something about being on a waiting list and going to a group
therapy session for women. I don't want to sound like I don't care at
all about her or her welfare, but I am not a close friend of hers, but
my daughter at one time was friends with hers, so that is where my
mind goes - how are the girls holding up, are they getting the help
they need.


I forgot to mention this earlier, but it should not get lost in dealing with
the more immediate issues. The husband is incarcerated, true. But he will
get out at some point and unless she has already made and implemented a plan
to keep herself safe from him at that time, he will almost certainly be
right back into her life and house. Now is the time, while he is unable to
observe or prevent her, to pick up and move quite some ways away and start a
new life. Not necessarily easy, but how hard will it be if she cleans up
her life and then he reappears? I've seen it happen more than a few times
and in nearly all those instances the woman was unable to stand firm against
the man, let him back in [where else could he go, she'd say, or he's
changed, he told me he has], and things would devolve from there. People
fleeing domestic violence can obtain new social security numbers, names and
birth dates for themselves and their children. In Vermont [and I would hope
elsewhere] there is a program they can use to have all mail sent to them
through a mail drop, so no one can figure out where they are via snail mail.
DV shelters should know how to hook a victim up with these services. Now is
the time for that woman to become aware of these options and set a plan in
motion. When he is about to be released is pretty much too late. And, if
he is incarcerated for a charge related to something he did to her, guess
who he is blaming for his current location. It is certainly not himself.
Sitting in a small room with little to do for years on end will almost
guarantee the development of a festering hate for her accompanied by many
diverse plans on how revenge will be enacted. Encourage this woman to get
her to a DV shelter, not to live, but to get services.

-Aula