In article ,
illecebra wrote:

| I like to think that what I want for my children will reflect what
| will work for them, including what they want, but also what I believe
| they can handle.

But do you intend to set an ultimatum (i.e. "my way or no college"), or
to let them have a say in the decision?

Tough question, and one I'm sure I can't answer yet. If they can
convince me that their preference represents a reasonable and
well-thought-out plan that has a good chance of working out for them,
then I would support them in that choice. But I'm not going to say
that I will open my wallet and let them do whatever they want. There
may be choices I would not be willing to facilitate.

| I think that with the new workload of college classes, new
| responsibilities of living away from home for the first time, having
| meals cooked and bathrooms cleaned for them makes the whole deal a
| lot more manageable.

I think that if someone starting college isn't already doing all their
own laundry, cooking at least a fair share of meals, and doing a fair
share of cooking, there are serious issues to begin with. The lighter
workload might be nice, but it often comes at a price.

Even for kids doing all that at home, the increased school workload is
hard to balance with a full set of household responsibilities for most
new college students I've known. Even buying groceries is a big pain
if you don't have your own car, which my kids likely won't when they
start college.

But, in the end, should it be solely the school's or the parent's
decision? And, even if we assume that your judgements are infallible
(or just that you are right about what's best for your kids in this
case) that doesn't mean that, as a general principle, parents should be
making the decisions.

But if I were infallible, I would be even more justified in being
annoyed at others trying to sway my kids away from my perfect
judgements I guess my concern over other trying to sway them implies
that I do think the kids should and will have a say, otherwise I
wouldn't care what they came to think after talking to other people.

Ummm... this is the second time I've gotten the feeling that someone in
this thread has me confused with Louise, the person who posted that
he/she was working at a GT camp and astounded that the students never
considered the possibility of living out side of residence at college.
Do you realize that that wasn't me, or am I getting a weird vibe for no
reason?

Oops, you're right, I *did* have you confused with Louise! (That is,
I thought you had posted that post as well.) Sorry about that. blush

I really don't want my son, when he's a teenager, to do what I say just
because I say to. For one, that would leave him open to all sorts of
manipulation -- by the media, by superiors at work and school, by
lovers, by friends. There are FAR too many sheeple in this world
already, and we are the worse for it. Also, consider that even the best
parent is wrong sometimes. I'd not want my son to blindly follow bad
advice just because it came from me. I'd much rather him see the flaw
in my thinking and decide differently than I would when I'm wrong.

That all seems perfectly reasonable to me

Of course, I think that in reality it is not that easy to let go,
especially if you think your child's judgement is still developing,
and you disagree with their perception of flaws in your reasoning.
I understand your desire to enable teens to go against their parents'
wishes sometimes, since the parents may be wrong, but at the same
time I'd like to maintain a reasonable amount of parental influence
for the times when we are right

So, I guess I only want to let my children disagree with me when
I'm wrong. ;-) If only my children and I could have the wisdom to
recognize when those instances are, we'd be all set. Failing that,
I thnk parents sometimes have to "insist" on the things they feel
most strongly about, while trusting their teens in other cases.

--Robyn