cjra wrote:

[...]
I am concerned about her lack
of food - nights when she doesn't eat much I always worry she'll wake
because she's starving, so think that nursing her will help that, but
it doesn't....

When I night-weaned Jamie, I gave him a bottle of milk instead so that I
could feel comfortable that I *wasn't* leaving him hungry by refusing to
nurse. As it turned out he was hardly taking any, which confirmed what
I'd felt to be the case, but it was good to know that for certain. If
it had turned out that he was taking a lot, I'd have done the old trick
of diluting it down on successive nights.

[...]
Yeah, that's why we haven't really tried it yet...earlier on my DH was
more keen to try it and I wasn't. Now I'm ready and he says it's
cruel...

I hope he's on the same page as you about it now. I agree totally with
what Ericka said about this.

You're not leaving her hungry or in pain or frightened. You're willing
to stay right there with her, comforting her (as Ericka said, you may
find out that approach just maddens her more, but the offer's there as
far as you're concerned...). The only reason she will be crying will be
because she wants something (long-drawn-out middle-of-the-night nursing)
which you are, for very good reasons, not prepared to give her.
Refusing to put yourself waaaaaay out to give a child everything she
wants is not the same thing as being cruel, and your DH is going to have
to get clear on that difference some time between now and "But all the
other kids' parents let them borrow the car and you're so MEEEEEAAAAAAN
to me!"

Thanks for the suggestions, it gives me something to work with. I know
I'm supposed to accept all this and be grateful she still wants to be
with me, but one can only function on little sleep for so long....

As far as I'm concerned, the only 'supposed to's in parenting are that
you're supposed to find ways of doing things which work well for your
family as a whole. Since the way you are currently doing things does
not fit that criterion, you're doing the right thing by trying to find
another way.

Good luck!


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell