Irrational Number wrote:

My not wanting sex does not make me a bad wife. DH
being a bit grumpy does not make him a bad husband.

Complaining and recognizing problems is healthy. As
long as both partners realize this is what is happening
and both understand that it takes some time, everything's
cool, even if there's no sex _right now_. We don't
throw out the marriage just because a few issues need
working on.

Yeah, but who's working on them? And for me sentences like "my husband
appears to assume it's entirely me and absolutely nothing to do with
him" or ""I'll do these jobs for you so later we can..." when he
wouldn't do the jobs otherwise." doesn't sound like the man being a bit
grumpy, it sounds like the blame is put on the woman and it sounds like
it's her job to get straightened out and not his to work on the issues
as well.

I also didn't say divorce I said couples therapy. Which is working on
issues with a professional opposed to mudding thru it yourself somehow
with that grumpy husband who's probably not realizing what kind of
pressure he's putting on you.

I'm aware that for some it is a medical issue and I'm not suggestion not
to try and get that issue worked on because obviously it's important to
be healthy, but why not _also_ get someone to help you work on your
relationship that's not really all that great right now?

My view is probably skewed because my last relationship was so not based
on equality, and every time I talk to my best friend on the phone I hear
about the next thing her husband's just pulled on her. (She has medical
problems and he can't even take a day off and take care of the three
children so she can have all her tests done, let alone take care of the
kids for an evening so she can meet up with a friend or something. and
no, he's not some top executive who has no choice but be at the
meetings, he's just processing data).


I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but from where I am right now I just
freak out really quickly when I see or rather when it seems to me that
women are taking the blame for everything and guys are apparently
getting away with it.

take care
nicole