Penny Gaines wrote:

Abi wrote in :

Hi,

I was wondering whether anyone can advise re my DH's parents -
grandparents to the baby girl I have just recently had. I find them
incredibly interfering - they keep offering unwanted advice like their
word is gospel, and seem to delight when I do something wrong. My DH

Some people offer advice on everything but advice is worth what you
pay for it, and the price on this advice is too high IMHO.

is always on the phone to them discussing problems with the baby, so
they probably think we cant handle caring for her ok. The baby is
absolutely happy and healthy and there are no real problems in my
opinion.

Like DragonLady says, when they offer advice just thank them for it,
and then say something like "I've been told to do it this way".

Does your dh ring them with problems, or do they ring you? If they ring
you and get dh to talk to them, I would accept it as they well of
interacting with their son: as long as the phone calls don't take time
awy from family life, I would just treat it as dh's problem. If dh
rings them up, I'd would be inclined to find other sources of information
for dh to use.

If my dh was to do that (ring his parents and discuss child care
problems) I'd give him a few words, and they wouldn't be nice ones. I
would be (and tell him that I was) incredibly hurt that he would
disrespect me this way. I would ask him never to tell his parents
about any problems that were not already solved.

To make matters worse, they dont do anything with their lives other
than look after their other grandchild - almost as if this child were
their own. As a result, this child is the most spoiled kid ever. They
want to come and visit regularly, but when they do, the conversation
never goes anywhere other than children and childcare - which to be
frank is a little boring - especially over the course of a few hours.

Sometimes people just don't have anything in common. My MIL (although
the least interfering person I've ever met - she absolutely NEVER
offered any advice of any sort) was also pretty hard to talk to. She
just didn't have any conversation.

As a topic of conversation, I suggest your dh. What cute things did
dh do when he was a baby and toddler? How early did he walk etc.
Where were they living then? What kinds of things did they do?

If you ask the questions, and appear interested in the answers, then
you can head off the advice - keep them talking about dh.

I really dont want them taking over the care of my baby and so I am
not sure how to tactfully tell them to back off? It wouldn't be so
bad if I could enjoy their company as adult to adult, but this hasn't
been possible so far.
thanks

Just smile and thank them and go on and do it your way. Just because
they GIVE you advice doesn't mean you have to take it. You don't even
really have to say that your doctor told you to do it another way.
When they fail to get a reaction from you, the advice will probably
taper off.

Some ILs are just boring. What did you talk about before you had the baby?
If it was this other child, I think you have to accept that what they talk
about is children, and take up knitting in their company (or cross-stitch,
or something that uses your hands) so that you are getting something
productive done while they are being boring.

grandma Rosalie