'Kate wrote in message news
On Thu, 11 Mar 2004 07:46:46 -0600, "Daniel" daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom
I'm posting in here because I've not got much (if any) help elsewhere.
Sorry
if this is somewhat long, but allot is going on.

This past September I had to take guardianship of my 14 yr. old sister
(I'm
24 now, 9yrs 2months older) after a police raid (responded to her
domestic
violence call for the boyfriend abusing our mother & found allot of
drugs).
Either I took her or DHS would (having grown up in that one myself, I
didn't
want that to happen to her). We've only met up in 1998, then didn't
really
see each other until end of 2000, & didn't spend allot of time together
until mid 2002, followed by her staying with a friend & myself in summer
2003 (before the 9-2003 raid). She hardly talks to her mom (who chose to
live with her boyfriend rather than try to get her back) & her father
only
shows up around holidays to pay her, say he's sorry for not being around,
make more promises he has no intention of keeping, then leave until next
time. There is no other family other than 1 of our other 2 sisters that
she
talks to.

Everything was fine at first & we moved into a mobile home I'd bought in
October 2003. In early January, she started seeing a 19.5yr old boy &
soon
classified themselves as "dating". Since then her grades have went down
(A &
B to few Cs & an F on a recent progress report, due to missing a test
from
skipping school to be with him), she's been going behind my back on
anything
related to him. They're kissing, not sure about sex yet, wouldn't
surprise
me either way though, he even pierced her upper ear, something she knew I
&
her mom were OK with IF SHE GOT IT DONE PROFESSIONALLY, now possible talk
of
a tattoo though may not be in a place I'd have non-spying reason to see.
He
used to spend allot of time over here until I caught her laying on top of
him & made the rule that she keep the bedroom door open, now if I'm gone
he's over, if I'm here she's gone (she claims its because he doesn't feel
welcome, but I noticed the change when I started enforcing the rule).

I've been logging her MS Instant Messenger chats, now installed a
key-logger, & want to do more. I know from this what has been going on
(but
she's recently turned to phone only, hardly chat). In early February I
had
evidence to show that he's supplied her with drugs (think only marijuana
so
far, which she's already had), cigarettes, he has access to alcohol (his
father allows), & they talked about her giving him a lap dance, then
showering together for valentines day. I took this chat log to the police
(he's 19, she's 14), but they gave the usual "blow-off" response & said
that
since they didn't come right out & say what was going on (used code words
&
phrases, which though are obvious, I guess you need non-code for
evidence) &
since she was pushing it, even though he was agreeing to it & suggesting
it
sometimes, they said SHE had to file the report against him (even though
I'm
her guardian). I couldn't even get a protective order against him. Also
his
parents both know about her age & their relationship, but they don't care
(I've got chat log to show he controls them, tells them to back off about
it).

I'm going away this next week (spring break), she'll "be with friend",
though I've got more log to suggest otherwise. She's tried to convince me
to
let her stay over at his place, claims his mom asked (was more likely
forced
into being willing), & claims that she'll be on the couch (we all know
better).

I'm looking for hardware or software or other surveillance ideas. The
only
way this will work (without causing her to go completely behind my back)
is
if I can push this far enough to put him away, take some severe action
against his parents for allowing things to continue IN THEIR HOME
(remember,
the cops say my chat logs aren't enough to press charges, I have to catch
them in the act & still may need evidence)...basically it's either
everything or nothing. (talking does not work, he's convinced her that
I'm
just an over protective brother...most adults think otherwise & my
problem
is that all adults she knows other than myself & my girlfriend support
her &
what he's getting her into...so I've got ALLOT against me in this area).

You can do both video surveillance and phone tapping in your own home.

Thanks...though I've figured this...Any ideas on (cheap but working)
options?

They call you overprotective because of what? They are enabling a 19
year old to seduce a 14 year old. That is not support.

Your family needs support but the other adults, parent's friends, etc...
are not the right kind of support. Your sister needs structure and
self-control.

Set concrete rules and stick to them. If she doesn't abide by them,
start taking privileges away. Pull out the phone. Disconnect the
internet. This is your home. She is 14. She does not make the rules.
Waiting for something to happen is being defensive and you need an
offense. If you don't, you can start planning the nursery now 'cause
she will be pregnant within a year. You'll be lucky if she's only
pregnant and not also fighting an addiction.

The only reason I've not done this yet is so that I can have some way to
keep watch over what is going on...I've had her phone suspended at times
which forces her into typing (into a log). The problem is that the one
being controlled actually has the ultimate controll...they can always decide
to go against you, no matter how the consiquences are (even someone being
held at gunpoint has the choice to die)...& if they just dont care (she
doesnt) then how do you handle that one?