"SpiderHam77" wrote in message
oups.com...
Elaborate on planning. Well it's hard to give an exact bullet list
as you have asked for. As each and every senario is differnet from the
next. And all have to be judged in such a manor.

My planning started the day we started living together. I hired 2
lawyers, from 2 different law firms, 1 for her. 1 for me. And we spent
an afternoon, at my expense to draw out a Prenup. In it was listed
everything from the finicial ends, right down to custody arrangments.

I had it put right into an agreement she signed, under the advisement
of a lawyer, that specifically stated that custody of any children as
result of our marriage would be joint, unless one person opted out of
the arrangment, or could be proved to be harmful to the childs well
being, leaving the remaining parent with sole.

As I had no criminal convictions against me walking into court.
There was no reason to determine me a threat to the child. Also
immediatly after deciding the idea of a seperation with my Ex, I walked
straight down to the nearest court, the day of, and filed for immediate
custody, and visitation until the matter could be brought to court.
Not that I was worried I would not have access to him, but I wanted to
ensure the was a paper trail to show I was doing everything in my power
from the get go, to gain custody of my child. And not waiting till a
month or 2 after the fact.

My Ex also tried to have the Prenup thrown out of court. But her
lawyer advised her against the idea because she was under counsel at
the time of signing, and advised that this was binding agreement. So
she dropped it.

But essentially by planning. Take the time, think about things.
Figure out the worse case senario you can think of, and then plan for
it. I did all this prior to my son even being concieved.

As result going into court I was able to show the judge I was a
responsible person, and cared about the well being of my child, and
wanted to ensure I was involved in his life as much as humanally
possible.

Now in my specific case, the gods of custody smiled upon me, and she
left the country. But I was prepared walking into court. And thought
long and hard about alot of this stuff. Again not rocket science.
Just plain old fashion thinking things through.

SpiderHam77

I'm very surprised that everything turned out the way you say it did.
My own view is that it's very easy for judges in the U.S. to ignore the
provisions of a prenuptial contract, particularly as they relate to custody
of children. Judges simply say the contract provisions are
"unconscionable," or they say that custody is always a matter for the courts
to decide, and cannot be pre-ordained in a prenuptial contract.

As a practical matter, I think the best assumption for men to make is
that judges and the court system are determined to protect their monopoly on
issues related to marriage and the family. This whole ramshackle system is
shored up by the ability of judges and the courts to PREVENT people from
making their own private, individual arrangements about what will be the
conditions of their relationships. I don't think it would be prudent for
any man to drew conclusions from what you say was your experience.

Marriage should be privatized, and the conditions should be established
before an individual couple enters into a relationship. But the position of
the judges and the courts in the U.S. is like that of a monopolist who has
been given -- or who has simply taken -- the ability to strangle any
competitors that could challenge his monopoly.