"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
. ..
Stephanie wrote:

You need to keep you job. Been there, done that. But more than any other
service you ever pay for, buyer beware.

The big challenge is that few people know how to evaluate
quality daycare or preschool programs, so many just sort of freeze
and don't ask a lot of questions or don't spend some real time in
the center to see for themselves how things are going.




And... how to differntiate a happy horse **** answer from an answer that
really speaks to the question. It is not easy to do!




While I
think that it is difficult to *create* a good classroom, it's one
of those things that if you only have to *evaluate* it, it's not
all that difficult. You may not know precisely what you'd need to
do to be a great childcare provider, but you'll know a good situation
when you see it if you spend some time there and drop in unannounced
on occasion.



I agree completely that unannounced drop ins are critical.




I'm not sure why people feel so inhibited about asking
to see classrooms in action, but that's ultimately what you need to
do. It's possible for the childcare providers to try to put on a
show for you, but the kids don't lie. You can see from their
behavior how things are going.




Also, walk quickly away from a provider who wont let you se them in action
unannounced.


The other negative aspect of full time child care (you did not mention if
it would be full time) that I observed when I was in child care myself
was that many full time working parents spend so much time getting
through the day, get the day done... that they never got to know their
children. Families who spent so little time with their children that they
could not solve things like eating issues, sleep issues or whatever. They
neither spent enough time with their kids to really understand the issue
nor did they ahve the will to do what it took to deal. They needed to get
so much done in the few hours between pick up and bed... Now I don't mean
to claim that this is pervasive. Truth be told, if you are aware of the
risk it is likely mitigated easily enough.

Absolutely. I've seen working parents in that situation,
and other parents working similar hours who are very well connected
to their children. I think it has a lot more to do with what you
do when you're around. After all, if you couldn't get to know your
kids if you weren't around them 24/7, then the traditional father
who works outside the home would be completely out of luck!
If you tally up the hours, the amount of time a working
parent (with something near a 40 hour work week and a reasonable
commute) is available to a child (with a reasonable bedtime, etc.)
is about the same amount of time that the child is with either
the other parent or a childcare provider. It's shorter on the
weekdays, but longer on the weekends. There's no reason a working
parent can't be plenty available to their children and get to know
them and deal with all those issues that come up. It's just a
choice. Not every parent elects to put in the time or effort, but
by and large, that's not just because of a job!

Best of luck. It is a difficult thing to work out. But YOU have the only
skills, knowledge, loving care to decide what is right for your family.
So keep that confidence with you no matter what you decide.

And, frankly, as the saying goes, there's no use crying
over spilt milk. If you really do have to work, then you have
to work, and obsessing over this sort of thing is one of the
most toxic things you can do. Find quality care, tune in to
your children, and respond when/if your gut tells you something
isn't right. Children are tremendously resilient. As someone
who grew up in an extended family setting, I firmly believe that
this notion that only parents can give proper, loving care to
a child is completely bogus. From time immemorial children
have had close bonds with adults other than their parents.
There's no reason why a good childcare provider can't be one
of those people. The trick is finding that high quality care,
but you do the best you can and respond as things unfold.
On top of that, if the nosy relative thinks your
child shouldn't be in daycare, then said relative can haul
her butt over and start providing the care that you need.
She's family, after all. If she's so all-fired concerned about
it, then perhaps she should do something about it! If not, then
she can keep her guilt trips to herself ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka