"Daniel" daniel_h_wATyyahooDOTccom wrote in message
...
I talked to her last night & she agreed with me on allot of things
(all
of
which she wanted to talk to me about).

Yes, I've read that, and I do agree with what Joelle said about letting
her
express herself. She may have agreed with you, but really, is that what
you
really want? She may be trying to act like a big person and she may
believe
on the outside that she maybe even IS an adult, but deep down, she is a
child, and I have no doubt in my mind that she knows that, even without
knowing all of the story and without ever meeting her.
At that age, kids often agree. I doubt there's a 13, 14 or 15 year old
who
has not agreed with an authority figure just to get by. Even now, I
find
that sometimes it's just easier to agree with someone (my own parents,
my
aunts, uncles, whatever) just to end a conversation, or move on, even
when
I
either know or just feel I am right.

Actually I dont think that she was agreeing just to not have to argue her
point any more. At times she acted almost as if she was told to say what
she
said (& possibly to believe it?). Her points were not valid ones & as
soon
as I explained to her why that was, she appeared to accept it & understand
it, more like she was actually looking for an explination of why those
thoughts were invalid.

'Think' is the key word in your first sentence. How long ago were you a 14
year old girl in her shoes? Maybe she was told what to say, and maybe she
wasn't. That is not something you can jump to conclusions on. You need to
get on her level and understand her. By saying that her points were not
valid not only makes me believe that you were not listening to her, but also
that everything she said, be it what she was told to say or what she came up
with herself, you shot down in her face. Whatever she said, scripted or
not, was either something that she felt or believed, or just needed to say,
and you did take everything that she said and find a way to tell her she was
totally wrong and on a totally different level of reality. You may not have
outwardly said something like, "Girl, quit flying high! That's not how it
is!!" but even trying to justify your actions, real or not, you were, as you
said yourself, making her words invalid.
I personally know by shooting her feelings or thoughts down will get you
nowhere. You may not do it intentionally, but I do believe that you are
going to push her further away from you, and that is not something you want,
I'm sure, just based on how much you've expressed you love your sister and
worry for her.
Talk to her, but let her talk, no matter how wrong you think she is. Right
now, I'm sure she has it in her mind that you are all wrong, and YES, I can
almost guarantee that she feels like you are putting down her emotions, even
though she might not be able to say that to you.
Again, do what you want or need or feel you need to do. I'm sure you'll
come up with an excuse that she is wrong, but right now, one of the worst
things you could do is confirm to her that she is totally wrong about
everything. Let her talk, get on her level, don't try and bring her to your
level of understanding because that just won't work.

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