"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...

This is a moot point now.

I'm going through things and throwing them out. I have to clear out
my mom's house, so I'm going to have to make room for more furniture
in my house. Therefore, I have to get rid of some of mine because
about 5 years ago we sold the city house where we went to work from
before we retired, and a lot of that furniture came down to this
house. So this house is stuffed.

Anyway, in going through one of my chests (hanging stuff on one side
and drawers in the other) which we bought when we moved in here
because there were no bedroom closets (and since then dh has made
closets in all the rooms so I don't need it anymore and am giving it
away), I went through a bunch of newspaper clippings and letters. I
found a letter from my mom written at the time that she was traveling
with my second child. (She took each of my children on a trip abroad
when they were in middle school)

This was the daughter that I spoke of who would rather pass out than
do what she didn't want to do. She was the one who made me see that
spanking wasn't the way to go (because back in my day, that was the
default punishment). She would say "It didn't hurt" (even when we
both knew that it did), and go on doing the prohibited them.

The letter my mom wrote really hurt me. I don't know what to do about
that, because my mom is dead, and my daughter has grown up to be a
fine person albeit easily bored and somewhat hyper-active even as an
adult.

This is part of what she wrote:
(snip)
My mom never had a difficult child (except maybe for me) to raise.
But I think that what hurt me most was that she seems to blame me for
my daughter's behavior as if I did NOT model appropriate behavior.

In general I want to keep everything that my mom wrote - she kept good
records and documented things. But I'm thinking maybe I will not keep
this letter. What do you think?

my thinking is: if you honestly believe there will _never_ come a day when
you won't still feel offended or perhaps even able to see the funny side,
throw it out. if you think you'll eventually be able to not be bothered by
it, keep it. after all, it's a record of a few things & the way she
expressed herself is a record of "her" (as well as the other events).

as to what she said, maybe she really was giving you a passive-aggressive
roasting. otoh, maybe that's just how it sounds & was never her intention.
my own mum has a ghastly habit of _sounding like_ she is lecturing me when
in fact she's _agreeing_ with me. so if you're not sure what your mother's
intentions even were, i'd be inclined to keep it now & see if later on it
still bothers me, & decide then.
kylie