"CME" wrote in message
news:a1Yyb.231801$jy.92667@clgrps13...

'Kate wrote in message
news
On Mon, 01 Dec 2003 22:50:48 GMT, "CME"

'Kate wrote in message
...
On 1 Dec 2003 06:42:46 -0800, (Vickychick)
I saw a Dr. Phil the other night. It was a mother they revisited who
has been in therapy. Her own daughter called her a monster, due to
her
horrible parenting style. But there was hope and she found it. It
was
amazing to see mom taking time out for herself. I think doing too
much
makes mothers more prone to fussiness and breakdowns. Any thoughts?
Vicky
(who takes time outs when "I" am angry.)

Mothers are judged to a different standard than fathers. Because we
expect less from fathers, even the word "fathering" means fewer
things,
fewer expectations than the word "mothering", then mothers will feel
as
if there aren't enough hours in the day. Until the responsibilities
of
the roles are truly equal with respect to responsibilities (income,
childcare, and housework), then mothers will continue to forego
taking
time out for themselves. Fathers seem to be more able to do this.
They
take the time that they need and then give to others. Perhaps it's
because of the way that we think of fathers. Their traditional role
is
as income producer whereas mothers have traditionally taken care of
everything else regarding home and family. I can only theorize that
the
idea of motherhood and fatherhood must change to catch up to the
economic changes in the operation of the family.

'Kate


I'm with you on this one Kate. I found that living with someone else
created more problems than helped ease them. I found I was doing even
more
work, whereas that other person could have helped out more. I think
when
it's just me, I have only myself to count on, and when I was living
with
someone else, their expectations weren't in line with mine (clean
house,
laundry done, the basics really). *sigh* I want to be in a relationship
where it's based on equality. I find that typically, even though I was
working or going to school full-time that *I* was still responsible for
the
household duties and let me tell you, that didn't fly for very long.
lol

Christine


I know what you mean. That was typical of my marriage. When I worked, I
still had the same household and childcare responsibilities. I don't
remember getting more than 4-5 hours of sleep per night because my day
ended somewhere around midnight and started at 5 am. Weekends were
spent doing the major cleaning, cooking for part of the week, and the
general laundry (towels and sheets). It was awful.

I think that men, in general, have changed from generation to
generation. I hear different attitudes from the younger men. Many of
them were raised in single-mother households and know how to take care
of more than their older, more traditional counterparts.

There are, of course, exceptional men and women who shared duties from
the start or have adopted non-traditional roles by choice.

'Kate

Yeah and where can I meet them??? lol

Christine


I found one, although we're on the rocks, somewhat...
He's the one bitching about laundry getting backed up, or washed and folded
and left in baskets outside rooms, beside closets or dressers or on the
couch (and yes, I do realize it's not hard to put it all away) and it's him
I hardly ever see without a vacuum in his hand, although I do go overboard
with washing the floors... He's the one who finally gives up and does the
dishes in the sink, as I don't see any point in washed 3 glasses, a spoon
and a plate when you can save it all til the end of the day and do a bit
more to make it worthwhile...