Anne Rogers wrote:

no that wasn't what it meant at all, what I meant was that a true friend
would understand why you couldn't come, which would either mean they changed
there decision about the invite, they may just plain have not understood
what it meant to be a breastfeeding mum, or they would regretfully explain
there decision and express there sorrow the new parents would not be there,
but also there understanding as to why that was so.

OK, with this I agree.

[...]
Which is better, to respond formally and politely in the negative, or to
have a friendly chat, expecting nothing, but at least keeping communication
channels open?

As I said, I think what's best is to write a friendly note expressing
sincere regret and just explaining (without further details) that you
can't be away from the baby for that long. That way, the couple know
what the problem is and can change their minds if they want to, but they
aren't put under pressure to do so (ringing them to tell them how little
trouble the baby would be if they changed their minds and invited her
may be meant as a friendly chat, but it does still put them under at
least some pressure).


All the best,

Sarah
--
http://www.goodenoughmummy.typepad.com

"That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be" - P. C. Hodgell