"Sue" wrote in message
...
I personally would rather have a close friend be with me at a birth than
someone I would have to interview and pay. Do you not have any close
friends that could be with you? Do you have any close relatives, a sister
or aunt?
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

I don't recall if I said, but no, I really don't. I do have a few friends,
but none that I feel I could totally rely on. From past experience, everyone
offers to help, but when it comes right down to it, people tend to disappear
or be unavailable. I have a couple friends that are single parents (which
makes it difficult for their childcare) or they have many kids, again,
difficult with the childcare issue as well, or they work and there could be
an issue of leaving work in the middle of the day or getting up in the
middle of the night. I have a fair bit of close relatives, but that would
mean my brothers, a handful of all male cousins (or their wives, which I am
NOT close to or even really talk to except at bigger family functions once
or twice a year) I have no sisters and only one aunt I'm close to (out of a
possible 2 in and around the city) but with that, I'm just not comfortable.
The doula, though is free. I was given a list of volunteer doulas, and so
far the few I have had contact with are certified doulas that volunteer. It
sure seems that for those that have had a doula - either a single mother or
couples that have a doula - they've all said it made their experience so
much better. I've even heard a few people say they had a doula for a second
or later pregnancy, and wish they would have had one for all their births.
Doulas seem to offer more than what just a friend or family member can
offer. It seems they can offer different techniques and whatever else. One
mom said her doula had music, massages, hot and cold compresses, some kind
of aromatherapy and offered various positions and whatever else. I know to
date, I've never had that kind of stuff offered to me with any of my births.
I also figure if I can find someone I'm comfortable with, it's even
different than the nurses that come in and out of the room with various
shifts and all that. After all is said and done, I won't see the doula
again (after birth and shortly after with a newborn) but yet I do have to
see friends. I think the most part of that is that I will have to see my
friends, and have them see me in a very sensitive, vulnerable, intimate,
whatever, position. Doulas do this kind of stuff all the time. Friends and
family members don't.

"Kat" wrote in message
...
So... I waited until last second to realize that I'm running out of time.
Seeing as I'm still a happily single mom, and due in a month, I just
wasn't really thinking too much about the future.
I have decided that I'm fairly confident that I do NOT want N around at
all, especially in the hospital. At this point in time, and I'm positive
in the future, I do not want him in the hospital when the time comes, nor
do I want him as some unexpected visitor. That's his too bad, so sad.
My plan is that my mom will take the kids. She's really my only real and
guaranteed option. I've decided that although friends have all offered
to help with whatever, I do not want to rely on a friend. Especially
since babies CAN come at the most inconvenient times, I just don't feel
comfortable relying on a friend.
I then got thinking that with my mom taking all the kids, I really don't
want to sit in the hospital all by myself. And again, I really don't
want to rely only on a friend... Friends, I've found, can be a little MIA
in a pinch, and I don't want to risk that.

So... I looked into a doula for some kind of support/coach type thing...
And so I'm not sitting around like some pathetic loser by myself in the
hospital to have a baby all by myself... I looked into doulas and
originally found they're far too expensive for me to manage. They seem
to average around $500 or so, give or take, and coming up with that kind
of money for one or two days is not something I could do, even if I
wanted to. I ended up finding some contacts for volunteer doulas. The
ones I found are all free. Some are either in training and volunteer for
births for their training, some are already certified and volunteer for
very low income single mothers or couples with very low income. I,
fortunately, fall into the category for the income and single mom part,
and I don't really mind if a doula is certified or if they're still in
training.

I've come into a problem though. I've always been so indecisive, it
seems, and this is one thing N has always told me right from the start.
For a number of things, I can't seem to make up my mind and come up with
a decision... I ended up emailing all the doulas that volunteer from the
list that I was given from a local doula association. I did that a
couple nights ago and I had a number of replies. I think there was maybe
5-6 of the volunteer ones, and all said they would be more than happy to
assist me, and only one said she was not able, but she passed on my name
and all that to a friend of hers, and this friend called me yesterday.
I also had another lady call me today. And I still need to go through my
emails and all that as I've been fairly busy the last couple days
(especially with DD1's dental surgery and all that)

Now here's my big problem... How do you decide on a doula? They're all
free of charge, running on a volunteer basis. 2 of them said they would
be more than happy, but one has another client due Feb 3, IIRC, and said
if I picked her, it might be a good idea to have a backup, and another
one has a client due Feb 13, but she has her own backup if needed. The
lady that called me today said she has no other clients due around my
EDD, which is Feb 7.
I'm finding that I'm getting fairly nervous about all of this and making
decisions. Something so simple, yet it isn't for me. How do you decide
on one? Do you hold "interviews" and pick which one you like best out of
them all? Eenie, meenie, miney, mo? How do you turn down offers?
All I'm really concerned about is NOT being left all alone, someone that
is supportive of breastfeeding (which they all seem to be anyways), one
that and just be there to offer support and advice, and even translate
any possible medical or technical terms into simple English. I'm also
kind of feeling that I might be more comfortable with a doula that is a
bit younger and closer to my age. The one I talked to (with a current
client due days before me) sounds very young. She has young children - I
think 3 that are between about 11 months and 4 years) and the other lady
I talked to sounds a lot older... She has 5 grandchildren between 10 and
15 years old but she's available and has no clients due any time around
me.
Another sorta issue is that I know for a fact that my OB is not very
doula-friendly. I recently found out that my OB had a bad experience
once involving a doula, and now her (my OB) opinion is basically, "Do you
want a doctor or do you want a doula?" Quite frankly, it comes down to I
do not want to sit alone in the hospital LOL
Again, I just keep thinking about how to pick one... and keep track of
all of the replies and phone calls I get and make. Trying to remember
who is who and all that. I also kind of feel bad if someone comes over
here to meet with me before I actually pick just one (I realize I can't
have 20485 doulas just because they offer and say they're available LOL)
for an interview and to get to know her and talk and then not use her.
Like the time and effort wasting, and I almost feel like I'd be a jerk
for not picking them because they've put in effort and then what? I
don't like them or something??

I know this is rediculous and very stupid, but I'm having some real
problems with it. I also do feel that I should get back to people within
the next couple days at the most and not leave them hanging and
hanging... and not get back to anyone but then make a last second phone
call to hope someone can maybe come last second without even meeting
them??

So does anyone have any advice? I see this is just stupid, but it's just
one of those things that I don't think I've ever been real good at and
seem to be having some issues with. I'm also running out of time!