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Kevin Karplus wrote:
| In article , illecebra wrote:
|
|I really hope that if/when my son starts college, he has the choice. I
|didn't. I was required to stay in a dorm.
| ...
|
|I don't really care what "most parents are most comfortable with", and
|it matters little by that age where I'd prefer my son to live. I'd like
|him to have the choice to live wherever he will be able to best
|concentrate when he has work to do, and enjoy himself when he doesn't.
|
|It really kind of scares me that you are worried about what someone
|might say to your *college-age* "child". If they can't make their own,
|adult decisions by that age, how are they going to survive???
|
|Why should the primary concern for living conditions be what the parents
|are comfortable with. Hello! They aren't kids any more at that age,
|they are (or should be) adults. If my son hasn't matured enough by age
|17 or 18 to decide whether to live in a dorm or a normal rental
|property, I will have failed as a parent.
|
|
| Some students at 17 are fully ready to take on adult life and make
| wise decisions, others are not. Living in a dorm makes it easier to
| socialize, which can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on the
| student and what they really need help with. Many freshmen have
| problems with drinking or drugs when they are no longer under parental
| supervision, and dorm living may increase or decrease the risk of
| serious consequences (depending on the social dynamics of the dorm and
| the strategies the residential adviser takes to reduce the incidence
| and risk of drug problems).
|
| Dorms with meal-service plans usually result in students gaining
| several pounds their first year, which for most students is
| undesirable. Students sometimes lose weight when they first start
| cooking for themselves (which is dangerous for some, though a less
| common problem than the weight gain in dorms).

Dorms have their good and bad points. I'm not saying there shouldn't be
dorms, I'm saying that it should be a choice.

| What the parents are comfortable with *is* important for many college
| decisions, since the parents are usually footing the bill, which is
| now substantial (Stanford costs about $41,000 a year for tuition,
| room, and board, not counting books, supplies, computers, ...).

Yes, it's a lot of money. I'll shell out whatever I can to help my son
through college, if that's what he wants to do. However, I don't
believe that that support should be conditional on him doing everything
the way I would like him to.

I've seen more young people flunk college, become clinically depressed,
or worse, because they were doing as their parents wanted. A lot of
parents care a lot more about what they are comfortable with than for
what's good for their kids. Others are just totally out of touch with
college life.

I knew countless young men and women in college who majored in things
they had no interest in and little talent for, who joined Fraternities
and Sororities that put them through hell, who lived in dorms or society
houses they hated, and all sorts of awful things... all because their
parents threatened to pull the plug on their education. What's worse is
that, until one turns 26 (or has 2 years of leases to prove they have
been living on their own, dorms don't count), one is not able to even
apply for financial aide without parental help and consent, and one's
parents' income is still held against them when qualifying.

Yes, lots of young people screw up a little when living on their own for
the first time. At least if the mistakes are theirs, they're more
likely to learn from them than if they are forced to live as their
parents choose. The ones who are used to having almost this much
freedom at home (those whose parents have been dishing out
responsibility a bit at a time since they were young) do a lot better
than those who've been coddled.

Susan
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