In article ,
Molly Fisher wrote:

In article ,
(Elizabeth Reid) wrote:

"Ali's Daddie" wrote in message
...
also posted in am

I am livid with my mother!

Some of you kind of know a little of the background with my mom.

Hey, Ali's Daddie, I don't mean to pick on you, and I'm sure
your mom is as difficult as you say. But does anyone other than
me get a weird feeling now when they complain about their
parents? Complaining about my mom (who is a good person, but we
aren't much alike and she doesn't seem to know that) has been a
lifelong pastime of mine, but now when I do it I look at my son
and think, "Oh, God, is this what you're going to be saying about
*me* in twenty years?"

And the answer is, "Probably." How depressing.

I've thought5 about this a lot. I have decided to make a concious effort
to never complain about my mother or my husband in front of my daughter.
My mother complained to us kids often about her mother and our dad. This
colored our relationships with grandma and dad, and later became part of
how we relate to mom. It's another cycle of negativity I hope to break.
Now if only I could go back in time and undo the damage my complaining
has done to my husband's relationship with his MIL... /sigh/

I seldom complain about my parents; it's not that they made no
mistakes, but I've come to terms with the big ones, and the little ones
hardly matter. Basically, I *like* them, and look forward to spending
time with them.

DH and I try not to complain about his mother in front of our kids --
but the complaints are never about what she did as a mom when he was a
kid, they are about the here and now. But, again, fundamentally she's a
decent person, so we try to focus on that part. However, this is going
to make me more aware of any complaining I do, and how to stop doing it
in front of the kids.

As far as what the kids will be saying about ME in 20 years -- I hope I
have as good a relationship with them as I do with my parents. However,
they are now 17 and 20, so our relationship is sometimes a challenge. I
have been known to tell them to be glad I'm giving them so much to talk
to their future therapist about . . .

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care