zolw wrote:
Gosh this is nerve wrecking. I think I am having some sort of a
nervous break down (of course with exaggeration). I have become the
most paranoid woman possible. I am so scared anything happens to my
baby & I am a total fruit cake. I cry for no particular reason.
Maybe that's why I am having all these problems with my doctor.

If it's any consolation to you, most pregnant women feel this way at least
some of the time. Part of it, at least, is the hormones talking.

I am just so tired of this. I used to be so in control of myself &
now I am always out of my control.

I suspect that pregnancy is particularly hard for people who are control
freaks (like me g!). But one of the greatest things about my second (and
then third) pregnancy was that by that time, I'd started to understand there
were a lot of things I couldn't really control (like the little person I'd
given birth to the first time vbg) and that I could let go of that need to
some extent and stop trying to control *everything*.

I just want my little girl out
there. I want to be able to see her & make sure she is fine. You
know, she's in there & I have no idea if she is alright.

Well, you *do* have an "idea" that she is all right. You had a reassuring
ultrasound at 20 weeks; her heartbeat is audible at each appointment; she is
moving all the time. No, that's not a *guarantee* that all as absolutely,
100% well, but the odds are *so* much better that they are than that they
are not. The more you can remind yourself of this, the better off I think
you will be.

I probably will regret wanting her out, when she is here

I always say babies are much easier to take care of on the inside that
outside--infinitely portable, automatically fed, no diapers to change, no
crying to soothe. But I never regretted having them once they were here,
although there were a few times when I wished I could stuff them back in for
a couple of hours g!

But it
will make me calmer. & maybe give my body a break.

Maybe yes, maybe no. Immediately postpartum, you're even more likely to be a
hormonal mess and you'll probably have a good deal of uninterrupted sleep to
get through. Plus, if you've got a good imagination for all the things that
could go wrong when she's with you 24/7 and you always feel her, I expect
your imagination will work just as well for all the things that could happen
when she's *not* with you all the time. This phase *does* pass, but the
first few weeks (up to 6) can definitely be "baby boot camp" and you may not
feel a strong sense of regaining control and proportion for a little while
after the birth. The reason I tell you this isn't to scare you or dissuade
you from wanted to have your baby, but merely to give you some perspective
so you don't feel like there's something wrong with you if you *don't* feel
much calmer right away.

At this point, I
feel that this is our one & only child. I do not think I want to go
through another pregnancy. It is taking too much of me.

As I said, you generally gain more sense of proportion after you've been
through one pregnancy and done some child-rearing. So you may find the idea
of another pregnancy less daunting in a few years. But if you only have the
emotional and physical stamina for one pregnancy, that's understandable.
Nothing wrong at all with having an only child!
--
Be well, Barbara
Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6)

Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy."
Me (later)--"You should feel flattered."

All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful.
Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its
other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a
fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman