xkatx wrote:
Well, I really don't know - or, maybe, for once, I really do know...

snipped for space

I do see this is a fairly bad situation, maybe even closer to being bad bad
situation, but... Do you think this *might* stand some chance of turning out
just fine with time? Am I (or even we) approaching this in a way that is
any worse than the way things currently seem to be, and even clearly are?
Am I setting things up for a major disaster or is there that chance that's
still there?

Kat,

I have been busy , very busy drowning in lifes wonderful ups and downs.
I was sure I am having the toughest time than anyone until I read your
"life". I'm older maybe by ...oh 10 , 15 , er maybe even 20 years LOL!
You sound like a strong and level headed young woman. What you explain
you are going through with Norm sounds familiar to me. about 20 years
ago I left my then husband with a five year old and six weeks later
found out I was pregnant again from an incident that was not consentual
and the reason I left him that morning. It was very hard , very lonely,
and the best decision I ever made for myself and children. To this day
he is still drinking, and has emotionally hurt our children and still
does. I know the struggles you are feeling with that Norm is a great
guy when he is clean and sober and this is the man you Love, not the
guy he becomes when he falls. Most times when we are young we make our
decisions from our hearts although our heads are saying something else.
My heart kept me with the clean and sober guy I loved,until the "other"
guy finally convinced my head that my child and I were not safe when he
was around. It is easy for people to tell us what they think we should
do, but until we are ready in our own hearts and heads to make a change
we continue to have an internal war of "what if " and "maybe" he/she
will change. I have a 25 year old daughter and an 18 and a half year
old daughter, I know I can not prevent them from having to learn on
their own sometimes, I do voice my "experienced" opinion, maybe
sometimes even when they do not want it, but 9 times outta 10 they come
back and say "I wish I had listened to your advice". My step daughter
(34 years old) will be marrying her "alcoholic" fiancee on July 1st, I
have tried to talk to her, long before marriage even came into play,
she acknowledges/(enables) his illness and has chosen to stay in the
life that I am watching her children suffer. I wish she could
understand the damaging effects that alcoholism has on children. Her
three year old has stomped to death a hampster, she didn't even so much
as call her doctor about what he did and the little boy when asked "why
did you do that" stated "to see its guts". Her 14 year old is raging,
hitting on his 10 year old sister , punching walls, sleeping in the
middle of the day, screaming obcentities, outbursts of crying, has told
me all his mom and her fiancee do is yell scream and fight , he does
not want her to marry him or live with him , he is afraid being in his
own home. What I see is she is choosing this man over her children's
health and well being, I suggested she get her children help
immediately, I am considering doing more than just suggesting because I
do not think she hears me. I guess what I am trying to say is that the
children must come first, and even though we may think they are too
young to be affected by it, they really are, even infants .Three year
olds killing small mammmals should have had a much more important
reaction than "he didn't mean it" and ignore it. My step daughter is
still thinking with her heart about her partner, not her head and the
damage to her children is showing itself. You are making a very
responsible choice to remove yourself and children into a safer
environment. Please keep thinking with your head with Norm and let him
know you are prepared to go it yourself rather than subject your
children to it. He needs to get help for his inability to stay clean
and sober and responsible to you and the children. Good luck and stand
tall !

Bev