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Old September 14th 07, 12:43 PM posted to misc.kids.pregnancy
Almost 40
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Posts: 1
Default Feel like giving this baby up for adoption, why shouldn't I? Sorry, long.

I know I might be thinking irrationally, don't most pregnant women at
some point...

I have 3 children I love and am devoted to (age 7, 5, 3). They do
well in school, get labeled as bright, aren't tagged as trouble-makers
by school/preschool. But I know a lot of acquaintance parents who
think I'm too soft or otherwise parent my kids wrong in lots of ways.

All the children can be stressful to deal with, but the 7yo DS is the
hardest. Self-centered, prone to destructive fits of temper, DH and I
feel like we are teetering on the edge of DS being completely out of
control too often. It depresses us both enormously. DH & I are also
both very unhappy in our marriage. I want DH to leave but he won't
and I can't think how I could leave otherwise (where we would live,
finances, etc.). I don't really want the children to be devastated
by a break-up, either, so I have stuck around in the marriage hoping
things would improve. We are financially comfortable and don't have
the usual horrible types of family problems you hear about: no
fights, debts, drugs or affairs -- nothing obviously dysfunctional
except that I'm so unhappy with him (he still loves me although he
gets very annoyed with me, too). I want him to have an affair so that
he would just leave me for another.

We discussed marriage counselling but the logistics are very difficult
(no-one to babysit, for instance). It would be very expensive and I
think would be futile, ultimately. And I really don't need someone
else telling me all the wrong things I'm doing parenting the children
and in the marriage.

I've tried parenting classes before and they always leave me feeling
sick, inadequate and demoralized (while everyone else sits there
gushing how positive the experience has been and has made them feel so
much better equipped to be parents). I don't have any local family or
close friends.

I am 19 wks pregnant with No. 4. Unplanned pregnancy, and DH has
always hoped for a miscarriage (the 3 children we have utterly exhaust
him). I'm pro-choice on abortion, but cannot do it this late and
thought I could cope with 4 until recently. It's not just bout
whether I can cope, I don't feel any confidence about giving baby 4 a
good life, really.

My cousin (we are not close, but she seems a great person) has had 2
failed bouts of IVF. I can't help thinking... maybe I should give her
the baby to adopt and raise. Easier said than done because cousin
lives in another country. Or maybe cousin wouldn't want to under the
circumstances, but someone else (not me) might do an good job raising
this baby.

5yo DD is distraught that I might give up the baby, her feelings are
the biggest thing bothering me at the moment with this adoption idea.

Like I said, I have no close friends so no one to talk to about all
these thoughts and feelings. If I can calm my daughter down about the
idea it just makes sense to give the baby up for adoption, doesn't it?