In article , teachrmama says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , teachrmama says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Bob
Whiteside
says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...

"His" money. Yeah, she took 'his' money to not be impovershed
anymore.
If
there were a trustee like I've been suggesting, it'd be that she would
be
able
to save a weeks' tips and wait for the next paycheck to do that, maybe
a
few
days later than she did, and put 'his' money directly to the rent.
Because she
no longer had to scratch to make up for - 'his money'.

I know most, by far, situations aren't like that. But time and time
again, just
like here, I've seen that attitude in one way or another.

Although this comment is just as anecdotal as your comment, there are
lots
of events that transpire which make fathers believe their CS money is
being
misappropriated to cover the mother's personal expenses. A couple of
examples would be a mother who uses a lump sum CS payment after a CS
modification to fund her IRA. Or a mother who signs a state required
Uniform Expense Declaration under penalty of perjury showing
expenditures
at
a high-end retailer are 2/3 for the children. Or a mother who claims
she
pays her live-in boyfriend as a gardener and home maintenance person.


Oh I have no doubt that, being as some people just fraud wherever they
can,
this would be one of the ways. CP, or NCP, male or female. This crap
from the
CP; an NCP working off the books (and that's *common*).

It's just this attitude that, if the custodial parent, anytime anywhere,
shows
up looking better than hum drum, or doing anything more expensive than a
day at
the park by him or herself or with adult friends, "that was 'MY MONEY'
paying
for that".

And that is a sad attitude. As is the "how did you get a new car? You
must
not be paying enough child support" accusation. (I've hear that opne a
number of times)

I'm sure it can be turned around like that.

Heck, it doesnt' even have to have anything to do with CS. My sister
wanted me
to lend her money (bad idea), saying I can "afford it if you went to
England
this year".

Well, yeah...we saved for three years.. and it's gone, all spent on plane
tickets and stuff, y'know.

:-/

Jealousy. Envy. Not good things. Really common, especially in divorce
situations.

Unfortunately, people tend to compare what they *don't* have with what the
other one *does* have.

It's worse than that - they compare waht they don't have with what they *think*
the other one has. Like that wellspring of funds I musta pulled the London
travel money from.

And children are all too often usedas weapons and/or
excuses. I had a little girl in my kindergarten class a few years ago whose
parents were divorced. Mom had remarried and had a new baby. Child lived
with mon and stepdad. Both worked full time. Bio dad had been laid off
when a major industry in town shut down. He had to give up his apartment
and move back in with his parents. He trook day jobs whenever he coud find
them, but could find nothing permanent. He came to all the school events,
but was treated like a fifth wheel by mom and step-dad. (He always looked
so sad) The mom told me one day in spring that the child would be off for a
week because they were going on vacation.--the child excitedly said they
were going to Disneyland. When she came back a week later, I asked her how
Disneyland was. She sadly told me that they didn't get to go to Disneyland
"because my daddy doesn't pay enough child support." Even if dad were
living high on the hog, why would you tell an innocent little child such a
thing? But this man was impoverished, doing the best he could, and was
obviously treated as second class by the new little family--that had 2
working adults supporting 2 children. Is THAT what child support is
supposed to be for? If mom lost her job, wanna bet she would be in court
demanding more from dad?



There's no way to know the real reason for the cancelled Disney trip (it all
comes down to priorities) but they *never* should have brought CS up AT ALL to
their kid about that. Consider though at that age if she isnt' getting things
mixed up.

About the fifth-wheel stuff - it happens, but not that often, that ex's can be
very comfortable with each other at something like a school event. Usually
they're off standing off from each other. You might be expecting too much
there.

Bnaty